


Dress up in You

by MsKingBean89



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Band Fic, M/M, Modern AU, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-01 04:23:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13990401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsKingBean89/pseuds/MsKingBean89
Summary: Non-magical modern AU - Marauders/WolfstarSirius attends a charity rock gig organised by his best friend's girlfriend, and the tall, quiet bassist catches his eye...Basically just a thing I wrote after listening to Belle & Sebastian's 'Dress up in you' a million times.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I started another fic, but there you go. 
> 
> I imagine there will be about six or seven chapters of this, but my main priority is still going to be finishing 'All the Young Dudes' - this is just for fun ;)

_I'm the singer, I'm the singer in the band_

_You're the loser. I won't dismiss you out of hand_

_Cos you've got a beautiful face,_

_It will take you places._

 

_WhatsApp between Padfoot and Prongs:_

**Prongs:** Mate r u coming tonite or wot?

 **Padfoot:** _Obvs. Wouldn’t miss it._

 **Prongs:** noiiiice.

 **Padfoot:** _Do they have a name yet?_

 **Prongs:** *Drumroll*

 **Padfoot:** …

 **Prongs:** ...The Flu Fighters!

 **Padfoot** : _omg._

 **Prongs:** It’s funny! They’re all nurses!

 **Padfoot:** _It was your idea, wasn’t it?_

 **Prongs:** ...maybe

 **Padfoot:** …

 **Prongs:** what?????? not funny????

 **Padfoot:** _I preferred ‘The MediSinners’_.

 **Prongs:** …

 **Prongs:** Fuck. That is better.

 **Padfoot:** _dw, we can’t all be as witty as me. See you at yours, then? 7?_

 **Prongs:** Sounds good. Bring Marls?

 **Padfoot:** _I’ll try. Gtg._

 **Prongs** : ttyl x

 

Sirius pressed the button on the side of his phone and slid it quickly into his back pocket. The kettle had boiled, and Mrs Figg came tottering out of the kitchen, carrying a tea tray in her shaking arthritic hands. He started forward quickly,

“Let me,” he carefully took the tray from her and settled it down on the little coffee table.

“Such a lovely young man,” she smiled at him through her cataracts, “So helpful. Did I tell you about my grandson? I’m sure you’d like him, let me find a picture…”

Sirius tried to hide a smirk. She did this every time. He felt very sorry for her grandson, who was probably very nice, but at least a decade older than Sirius, and not his type at all. Anyway - he wasn’t looking for anything like that. Right now, for the first time in his life, Sirius felt like he was actually _going_ somewhere with his career. A relationship would only muck it all up - it had taken a good few years and a lot of heartbreak, but he knew that now.

“We’d better be getting on with your ‘do, Arabella,” he said, gently, “didn’t you say you’ve got bingo at four?”

“Ooh yes,” the old lady nodded, getting up again, “Oh, you are good to remind me. I’d forget my head, if it weren’t screwed on. Come on through, love.”

He followed her into her little bathroom, dodging one of her ten cats as it wove between his legs. Bloody cats, he’d never been a fan; horrible scratchy yowly things.

Everything in Mrs Figg’s bathroom was a revolting avocado green, from the ancient porcelain fixtures to the knitted bog roll cover sitting on the tiny windowsill. Sirius loved it. So kitsch. He settled her into the kitchen chair that he had placed there when he arrived, and began to run the taps.

“Just you relax,” he said, kindly, as he held her head in his hands and guided her to lean back.

“I feel like a film star!” She babbled cheerily, closing her eyes as he began to wet her hair.

“I’ll have you looking like Helen Mirren in no time,” he replied, “Temperature ok?”

“Lovely!” She sighed, happily.

Sirius smiled. If only his mother could see him now.

He was aware that it wasn’t exactly _glamorous_ , being a part time mobile hairdresser for old ladies and toddlers, but it was only a stop gap, and believe it or not, it really made him happy. Mrs Figg was a regular, and he would miss sorting out her trim and set every third friday of the month. He would be onto much bigger and better things, soon enough. They had the premises, and the staff, just waiting for the final month of the refurb now. And the name. They needed a good name.  

He finished with Mrs Figg by three, and had another cup of tea with her, because he didn’t have anywhere else to be, and she liked having someone there. Old ladies were good company, in Sirius’s opinion. Usually happy to carry the conversation, and full of stories about the 1960s, or whenever they were teenagers. Anyway, it came with the territory, he thought. Hairdressers are part beauty, part talking therapy.

 _Not hairdressers!_ Marlene would scold him, _we’re_ **_Stylists_ **.

That’s what their business cards said, anyway. Marls had printed them up the very day they’d had the idea to go into business together. _Black & McKinnon, Professional Hair Stylists: Newham, Hackney & Tower Hamlets _.

Sirius wasn’t a fan of the name - he didn’t want his family’s name on anything to do with him - but Marlene promised they would come up with something better once the shop was ready. He left that up to her; she was the business end.

On his way out of Mrs Figg’s flat, she pressed a pound into his hand, grinning and telling him not to spend it all at once. He smiled back and gave her a peck on the cheek, slyly placing the coin back into the little dish on the telephone table in the hall. It was a paltry tip, but he knew she only had a state pension to live on, and couldn’t bear to take any more from her than the twenty quid he charged for the whole job.

“Come back soon, handsome!” She cackled, waving from her front door. He smiled bashfully, weighed down by his heavy kit bag.

“See you on the twenty first, love!”

The lift was broken, but he didn’t mind the stairs, even in his skinny jeans. He was in a good mood; it had been an easy afternoon’s work, and how he was free to do as he pleased until Lily’s gig tonight. Anyway; the sun was shining, which was always a plus for London. Brightened up the graffiti.

At the bus stop, Sirius checked his phone again. Twelve messages. One from Marlene, one from Lily, and ten from James. That sounded about right.

James first, of course:

  * OMG im so bored. What u up to.
  * U working? U still owe me a tenner from the Chinese last week.
  * U can get the first round in ;D
  * Nah only joking. It’s for charity innit.
  * Wot u gonna wear? U think rugby shirt’s ok?
  * Gid & Fab are coming tonite. R u ok with Gid now?
  * I can tell him to piss off if not.
  * Sooooo boooooored
  * When r u home?
  * Call me plz.



Sirius tutted indulgently at his best friend’s atrocious grammar before replying.

  * _Omg you are so clingy. Yes I was working. On my way back now. To **my** home. Have you forgotten we don’t live together any more???_



He sighed a bit as he pressed send. _He_ still forgot they didn’t live together anymore, even though it had to be at least six months now. Maybe because he still spent most of his time at Lily and James’s. He started typing again.

  * _Can come over yours though, if you’re in? Probably just wear what I’m wearing. Rugby shirt is a terrible idea, I’ll help you pick something less overtly heterosexual. Fine with Gid, dw about it._



The bus pulled up and Sirius hopped on, tapping his oyster and shuffling to the back seat. It was the middle of the day on a Thursday, so pretty much empty, and he didn’t feel bad about putting his huge hairdressing case on the seat next to him. He read the message from Marlene,

  * Got a wedding booking for June, hair and makeup, five hours, can you do it? I’ll do makeup.



That was lucky - they’d only recently decided to take events bookings, and had been struggling to garner interest, as they didn’t have the experience. As nice as it was to trawl round council estates giving old ladies blue rinses, weddings were really where the big money was. He replied ‘Yes, definitely!”, then opened Lily’s message.

  * Oi oi sexy, do my hair tonight? Will love you forever! xxx



He grinned at that. If he had to lose his best mate in the world to somebody else, then it may as well be ‘Lily Fucking Evans’, as she liked to introduce herself. He fired off another response.

  * _No probs babe ;) x_



The rest of the journey he settled back and watched the view. He’d broken his headphones that morning, which was a bit of a bummer, but the bus window provided a satisfactory distraction. Mothers dragged wailing toddlers along the pavement, groups of old men stood smoking outside the turkish kebab shop, stalls selling exotic fruit added splashes of colour to the grimy pavement, posters for gigs and pub nights were plastered on every spare bit of wall.

Sirius wondered if he would ever get used to the complete technicolour mayhem of East London. It was a world away from quiet, leafy Kensington, where he’d grown up.

His phone buzzed again.

  * Yesss come over! Kettle’s on.



* * *

Fortunately for Sirius, this meant getting off at his usual stop. Because yes, he had finally moved away from his childhood best friend, but only one street over. Baby steps.

The Potter-Evans’s lived in a gorgeous penthouse flat in a new development in Dalston, only five minutes walk from the overground. From the balcony (yes, a bloody balcony, in London) you could see the spire of the Holy Trinity Church. Sirius personally did not go in for church-y stuff, but he was particularly fond of this one, ever since he’d found out it was the Clowns’ Church, and home to an actual museum of clowning.

The lift was always working in their building, and Sirius had his own fob for the doors, so he let himself in. He dumped his heavy bag in the hallway and wandered into the kitchen. The kettle was steaming and two mugs were set out, a bag of Yorkshire Tea in each.

“I’m here,” Sirius called, pouring hot water and searching the drawers for a teaspoon.

“Two ticks!” James called from somewhere else in the flat. “Ready to _rock_?!”

“Oh good lord,” Sirius smirked, squeezing each tea bag against the side of its respective mug and tossing them in the compost bin sitting on the windowsill over the sink.

It was a lovely, bright kitchen, airy and painted white, like the rest of the flat. The walls were taken up with huge modern art prints (Lily’s) and vintage sci-fi film posters (James’s). As he opened the fridge to dig out the milk, he couldn’t help but notice that it was packed to bursting with beer, wine and big bottles of fizzy drinks.

“Cheers pal,” James finally appeared, hair wet and glasses askew, pulling his shirt on. He grabbed the second mug and slurped it like a builder. “How’s this?” He gestured at the top he was wearing. It was an old HMV Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

“It’s perfect,” Sirius raised an eyebrow, “It’s mine.”

“Is it?” James looked down at his chest, frowning, “I’ve had it ages…”

“Keep it,” Sirius shrugged, “Don’t think I’ve worn it since school. How’s our rock star doing? Nervous?”

“Have you ever seen her nervous?”

“Fair point.” Sirius nodded. “Excited, then? Who else is in this band, are they all nurses?”

“Think so. All the ones who can play instruments.”

“Wait, what does Evans play?”

“Nothing, she’s frontwoman.”

“Ah.” Of course. “So… has my absence turned you both to drink?”

“You what, mate?” James frowned.

“All the booze,” Sirius gestured at the fridge, “Stocking up for a long winter?”

“Oh! Didn’t I say? Lily’s invited everyone back here for an after party. Assumed you’d be coming.”

“Er… when you say ‘everyone’, does that include the Prewetts?”

“Probably. Oh, right. So… you’re _not_ ok about the whole Gid thing, then?” James raised a dark eyebrow. It skewed his glasses and made him look comically judgemental, but Sirius wasn’t in a comical mood.

“I didn’t _say_ that.” He snapped.

“All right, all right,” James held up both hands, as he often did when he thought Sirius was being too touchy. Sirius sipped his tea to stop himself saying something he’d regret. James changed tact. “Call of Duty?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” Sirius smiled, ready to pretend nothing had happened at all.

It wasn’t James’s fault, of course. Sirius hadn’t really talked about Gideon since the breakup, unless you included drunken rambling when he’d been in the very depths of it. The relationship hadn’t been that serious - or at least, Gid clearly hadn’t thought so - but they’d been together on and off since school. The main problem was that Gideon had been on and off with a lot of _other_ people too. The last time it happened was the final straw for Sirius; if he took any more blows to his pride he’d never forgive himself.

He and James spent the next few hours plugged into the xbox, sitting on the big turquoise velvet sofa in James’s living room - another of Lily’s improvements, somehow when the flat had been Sirius and James’s batchelor pad they had never got around to furnishing it properly. Sirius still had his moth bitten old beanbag at the flat he shared with Marlene, but he had a sneaking suspicion Lily had thrown James’s out.

At about six thirty the front door went, and Lily’s voice echoed through the flat,

“Anyone fancy a cuppa?”

James hit pause and they both jumped up to see her. She was already in the kitchen, setting down some very heavy looking shopping bags. Five foot nothing with a mane of flame red hair and striking green eyes, Lily Evans was a force of nature. The most driven of the three of them; Lily had earned a first class degree in Psychology two years ago, then dived straight into an NHS nursing course before James and Sirius had even recovered from the graduation party.

She kissed her boyfriend, hugged Sirius, then stood back to appraise them both. “What are you wearing?” She laughed at James’s t-shirt. “Black! I’m just gonna wash my hair, then I’m all yours, ok?”

Sirius nodded, making another round of tea. She dropped her keys on the kitchen counter, then started unpacking the shopping bags she’d carried in. James quickly took this task over, pulling out stacks of hummus, breadsticks, bags of crisps and frozen pizzas. Party food. “Staying over, love?” Lily asked Sirius, accepting her tea and leaning against the kitchen counter. Lily rarely sat down.

“Yeah, probably,” Sirius shrugged. He slept over every other week, still - but to be honest, that was their own fault - Lily and James had a reputation for throwing a party at the drop of a hat.

“I’ll make up the spare bed then,” Lily nodded, draining her tea and rinsing the mug in the sink.

“Already done,” James said, wrestling to fit the pizzas in the over packed freezer. “You just go and get ready for your big debut!”

“Legend, cheers Potter!” She grinned breezily, kissing him one more time before disappearing off to the bathroom. Sirius shook his head in wonder. His tea had barely cooled.

“You two.” He said.

“What?” James grinned back, though he knew _exactly_ what.

James Potter had been fortunate in many areas of his life - wealthy parents, (and, more importantly, _loving_ parents) an excellent education, a sense of humour, and, of course, the ultimate best friend in Sirius Black. But perhaps the only thing James was actually smug about was having met his soulmate at fourteen years old. Of course, at the time, she hadn’t exactly seen things the same way, and it had taken him four years to convince Lily Evans that he wasn’t just another arrogant public school toff, but all that was forgotten now, and it was quite clear that they were a perfect match.

Not that Sirius was _jealous_.

“Cheer up, Black,” James slapped him on the shoulder, reading his mind, “Might see someone you fancy tonight!”

“I’m not looking for--” Sirius started,

“--a relationship,” James finished, “I know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a shag every now and then, does it?”

“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?” Sirius tutted.

“How can I be? You don’t have one.”

“Oi!” Sirius lunged at James, and they wrestled in the middle of the kitchen for a bit, socks sliding on the laminate floor.

It was pointless play-fighting James, who was adept at pretty much every contact sport there was, but that had never stopped Sirius.

“I’m ready!” Lily yelled from the bathroom, “Come and style me, Mr Sassoon!”

Sirius struggled out of the headlock James had him in, grinning,

“To be continued, wanker.”

“That’s rich!” James retorted as Sirius hurried down the hall.

“What’s he shouting about now?” Lily raised an eyebrow, drying her hair in the mirror. She was wearing a big fluffy purple dressing gown and her dressing table was a mess of hair products and accessories.

“Nothing exciting,” Sirius replied, standing behind her and formulating a plan of action. He picked up a comb. “Right, what are we thinking? Shirley Manson? Florence Welch?”

“Stevie Nicks.” Lily said, firmly, winking at him. “Or just do you best in half an hour - I need to be there for sound check.”

“Wow, fame has really gone to your head, Evans.” Sirius began to work. “So who else is in this band? Prongs was vague.”

“God, you’ve no idea how hard it was to scrounge up interest!” She exclaimed, as if anybody would be thrilled to join a rock covers band at short notice on top of their day job. “I mean, it’s for _charity_!”

“Shocking.” Sirius smiled, warming up the straighteners.

“But _luckily_ Alice owed me a favour,”

“Alice plays an instrument?”

“No, but the guy she’s started seeing in the children’s ward has a drum kit. Frank something. Alice said she’d pick up a tambourine if she really had to. Then Dr Shacklebolt - Kingsley, I think you’ve met him? He was at our last party. Anyway, he’s always going on about how he played guitar in a garage band as a teenager, so I wrangled him.”

“Nice.” Sirius could imagine exactly what ‘wrangling’ meant. Lily was the most persuasive person he’d ever met. Somehow you ended up feeling as if _she’d_ done _you_ a favour, when it was completely the other way around. “Bassist?”

“Yeah, I was really stuck there for a while - I thought we might have to do without, but it turns out one of the chaps down in admin plays in a band, so we got lucky. He was the hardest to win round; I thought he’d be too shy at first, but to be honest I think he’s the only one of us with any talent. Anyway, he taught Frank practically all the songs. Is Marlene coming? I asked James to remind you…”

“Oh shit, yeah!” Sirius pulled out his phone quickly and sent a message. “I’m sure she will, she never misses a party.”

“And get her to bring Dorcas!” Lily commanded, lining up her makeup on the dresser as Sirius primped her hair, “The more the merrier!”

* * *

The Shacklewell Arms was a standard east end pub, complete with Victorian etched glass windows and brassy light fixtures. Sirius had popped in for a drink more than once, but he’d never seen a band playing there before. It turned out they had a room reserved especially for live music in the back, with its own tiny bar selling only beer and jack daniels. This suited Sirius, who had never been fussy about his poisons.

They arrived early-ish and were met at the door by Alice, who was sitting on a small table and holding the collection tin.

“Here you go!” She held the bright green box out to James, “Lily says you volunteered to take donations. She told me to tell you to be charming and try not to make any of your jokes.”

“People love my jokes!” James protested, taking the tin from her. “Where is she, anyway?”

“Going over the setlist with Frank and Remus,” Alice shrugged. “Things were getting heated, so I thought I’d better leave them to it.”

That was Alice all over - Sirius had only met her a handful of times, but already he had the impression of someone who was almost completely opposite to Lily. Where Evans was dynamic and candid, often to the point of bluntness, Alice was altogether more quiet and compliant; preferring that everyone just get along. Still, ever since Lily had started her nursing course she and Alice had become fast friends, and seemed to get on like a house on fire.   

“What are they arguing about?” Sirius asked, interested. He hadn’t met Remus or Frank yet, and wondered what on earth they considered worth going up against Lily.

“The venue gave us a longer time slot than expected, I think. We haven’t rehearsed enough songs and Lily wants to just blag it, but Frank reckons we’re not good enough. We’re not, to be fair, we sounded like shit yesterday.”

Sirius and James both objected gallantly to this, assuring Alice that everything would sound fantastic. Privately, Sirius couldn’t wait - if it was shit then at least they’d all have a good laugh about it later. Alice finally disappeared to the green room, Sirius went to grab drinks for James and himself, and by the time he returned with two pints the room was starting to fill up.

Marlene arrived shortly before the band were due to go on, with her girlfriend Dorcas in tow. This week Marlene’s hair was turquoise, but that was wont to change. She’d woken Sirius at 2am the previous Friday saying she was feeling ‘mermaid vibes’ and needed his help at once. Two weeks before she’d wanted it silver. Dorcas had very short hair, undercut at the back, and the most glorious natural golden blonde Sirius had ever seen.   

“Thanks for coming!” He got up to hug them both,

“Anything for a good cause.” Marlene grinned.

“Anything for Lily Evans,” Dorcas stuck out her silver studded tongue. Marlene elbowed her,

“Oi!”

“What can I say?” Dorcas laughed, “I love bossy women.”

“Donations in the tin, please!” James tapped his green box. “Show starts in ten!”

“Sirius, have you got some business cards with you?” Marlene said, shrewd as ever, “This is exactly the sort of crowd we need to be courting…”

“Yeah, I think so..” he rooted through his pockets, but turned up nothing. She tutted and pulled out a neat little box from her bag.

“Don’t lose them!” she said sternly, before leaving to get a drink and find a good place to watch the gig from.

Sirius was three beers in by the time Lily appeared on stage, gorgeous in a fantastic emerald green dress and lots of eyeliner. He could hear Dorcas wolf-whistling from a dark corner of the room.

“Hello,” Lily spoke into the microphone coyly as the rest of the band took up their instruments behind her. “Thank you for coming, we are The Flu Fighters!”

Cheers erupted from the crowd, and Sirius strained up on his tiptoes to get a better look. There was Kingsley - Sirius vaguely remembered having met him at a party, he was a tall, broadly built black man with striking features and a gold earring. Alice looked green with nerves and was clutching a tambourine, and the drummer (who must be her boyfriend, Frank) was smiling and saying something reassuring to her. Finally, a third young man loped onto the stage, eyes down, but hands up in an apologetic gesture.

He was very tall and very slim, and sort of looked as though he had wandered onstage by accident. He nimbly navigated the mess of wires and picked up a large bass guitar, slipping the strap over one shoulder. Ah, the chap from the admin office at the hospital, Sirius remembered. Lily had said he was good, but the name had already left Sirius’s mind.

He had a mess of shaggy dirty-blond curls - mousy in the shadows, but startlingly chestnut when the spotlight hit him. He was wearing drainpipe corduroy trousers in a deeply unpleasant shade of green, and a plain grey t-shirt. Not very rock ‘n’ roll, in Sirius’s opinion. But he had big hands and long, bony fingers which seemed to have a life of their own as he fiddled with the frets on his bass. Sirius had a thing for hands. They could be very telling. Gideon’s hands had been smooth and freckled, with perfect pink nails like the inside of a seashell. Sirius drained his drink, and decided to get another.

‘The Flu Fighters’ weren’t terrible. They weren’t earth shattering, but even Sirius had to admit they knew their stuff. Lily had a surprisingly husky voice, capable of belting out every one of the rock classics they’d chosen. A healthy dose of Britpop - Oasis, Blur, Travis - some old school Clash tunes, and a startlingly heavy version of ‘Survivor’ by Destiny’s Child. Lily’s choice, no doubt.

There wasn’t a lot of room on stage, but Lily made the most of it, bopping about to the livelier songs. Kingsley was just as showy, playing to the crowd and flirting with a gang of swooning girls in the front row. Shame, Sirius thought, Kingsley was quite fit.

As ‘Survivor’ came to a slightly awkward close (the drumming went on a bit longer then everything else, and Lily had to glance back at Frank before he even realised), the audience cheered politely, but then fell quiet.

Sirius and James glanced at each other, both wondering whether or not the earlier dispute over the length of the set list had been resolved.

There was some conferring amongst the band, and after a minute or so, Alice handed her tambourine to the bassist, who still had his guitar strapped on. Frank, Alice and Kingsley then left the stage, and the tall lanky kid took a seat at the drum stool, dropping the tambourine at his feet.

“What are they doing?” James whispered loudly. Sirius shrugged at him, as they watched Lily pulling the microphone over to the drum kit and lowering it to Remus’s level. Now he was sitting down, Sirius could only make out the top of his curly head over the crowd.

“I’m going to get a better look,” he said to James, before heading off, pushing through to get to the front.

“Ladies and gentlemen, that’s it from The Flu Fighters!” Lily was saying, bent over the mic, “But our multi-talented bassist has offered to do one more song!”

There was a spatter of applause and a bit of confused murmuring as Lily exited the stage quickly, leaving Remus alone. The young man looked down at his guitar for a moment, then up at the audience, squinting a bit against the bright lights.

He wasn’t conventionally attractive, exactly, but he had a square jaw, and a long, narrow nose, which Sirius liked a lot. Then he smiled, and Sirius felt a flush of heat rising up his neck. It was a really great smile.

“Hi,” Remus said into the mic, his voice soft but clear, “I’m Remus, and this is a Belle & Sebastian song.”

He began to strum his bass slowly, and tap both his feet - one on the bass drum pedal, the other on the tambourine, alternating rhythmically, creating a warm steady sound. Then he looked up again, craning his neck a bit to reach the mic.

Sirius saw his adam’s apple bob as he took a breath, and his stomach flipped again. Maybe he was drunk, or maybe it really had been too long since his last shag, but Remus and his long fingers and his quiet voice were getting more appealing by the minute.

Then Remus closed his eyes and began to sing in a gentle, softly accented lilt, and Sirius’s felt his heart begin to beat faster.

“ _I’m the singer, I’m the singer in the band,_

 _You’re a loser, I won’t dismiss you outta hand..._ ”

And at this point, Remus opened his eyes, and happened to catch Sirius’s stare. His mouth formed a coy smile as he continued singing,

“ _You’ve got a beautiful face, it will take you places…_ ”

 _Fucking hell_ , Sirius thought, his mouth suddenly very dry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has a questionable seduction technique.

He had to talk to him. He had to win him over with his natural born charm, flirt him into submission and then shag him senseless. 

It was a good plan, Sirius thought as he washed his hands in the tiny porcelain sink in the Shacklewell Arms loos. A solid plan. Foolproof. Fail safe. It had worked on Gideon enough times. And plenty of lads at Art College - not to mention a few ill-fated one-offs from nights out he’d rather forget.  _ Sirius Black _ , Gid had said once, after the third time they had vowed never to sleep together again,  _ you’re too irresistible for your own good. _

Irresistible. Sirius glanced at his reflection in the mirror. He looked good - but he always looked good. His eyes were a bit unfocused from the beer, but it was a brisk night, and he’d sober up on the journey home.

He held his hands under the pitiful dryer for a few moments before giving up and wiping them on his jeans. 

Outside, everyone was finishing their drinks and Lily was darting about trying to organise ubers back to the flat. No sign of Remus.

“Black!” She caught his arm, “Find McKinnon, will you?!”

“Yeah, she’s probably outside somewhere…” 

“Well you can check, can’t you? Leaving in ten, I want you all out front.”

“Will do. Hey, is the whole band coming back to the flat?” He asked, trying to sound casual. Luckily, Lily was too distracted trying to herd everyone to noticed.

“Hm? Yeah, I think so. Kingsley’s on call, but he said he’ll come and not drink.”

“Great.”

“Once you’ve found Marlene and Dorcas, can you come back and do a bit of heavy lifting? We need to get all the gear back.”

“Yes ma’am,” he gave her a goofy salute. She flicked his earlobe sharply. 

“Outside in ten, remember!”

His drunk brain thought that helping the band pack up was probably an ideal way to:

  1. Casually bump into Remus
  2. Demonstrate his heavy lifting abilities, and thereby;
  3. Flirt Remus into submission.



But alas, by the time he found Marlene and Dorcas (snogging in a corner of the smoking area outside), Lily’s allotted ten minutes had passed, and everything had been done. Remus had eluded him again.

“Come on you lot!” Lily was shouting from the backseat of a Toyota Prius, “We’re the last ones!”

“Has the rest of the band gone, then?” Sirius asked, over the tops of Dorcas and Marlene’s heads. They were both very drunk and very loud by this point. Dorcas had spawled her pale, fishnet-clad legs over his lap, and Marlene was singing  _ Don’t Stop me Now _ at the top of her lungs.

“Yep,” Lily nodded, as the car pulled away from the curb, “Sent James on ahead.”

“All of them? Um, Alice and Frank, and…”

“Sorry, love,” the cab driver asked, “Was it E8 you wanted? Dalston?”

Lily climbed into the front seat to start giving directions, and Sirius gave up. He’d just have to wait and see.

They couldn’t possibly have been that far behind everyone else; but somehow the party was in full swing by the time they arrived back at the flat. James had assumed his usual role as host, DJ and barman - something he always pulled off exceptionally well. The music was booming and the drinks were flowing - not to mention three pizzas already in the oven, bowls of crisps dotted everywhere, and popcorn in the microwave.

The flat was a good deal smaller than The Shacklewell Arms, and with a good thirty people in it - and plenty more arriving - the place was packed. This made it easy for Sirius to lose the girls, but harder for him to find Remus. He might have felt a bit foolish, trailing around looking for some lanky bass player who’d given him a look - but he was still feeling pretty full of it from all that beer, and it wasn’t as if he’d ever needed much encouragement to lower his inhibitions.

Ah ha! He’d just seen Remus - sitting on the arm of the sofa in the living room, having a very intense looking discussion with Frank, Kingsley and a young man with a bright pink mohawk and lots of piercings.  _ Right _ , Sirius told himself,  _ Remus Lupin, you are mine. _

He moseyed over, making sure his hair wasn’t behind his ears with a quick glance in the living room mirror, before grinning,

“Hey, Kingsley, good gig!” He leaned over to shake hands with the doctor. Kingsley smiled back, warmly,

“Cheers, been years since I’ve played a song all the way through.”

“Well it didn’t show.” Sirius replied, “Lily was obviously cracking that whip, eh?”

They all laughed, which Sirius thought was a pretty good start. He didn’t check for Remus’s reaction, but privately he was thinking;  _ see how funny and handsome and friendly I am? _

“Sirius, have you met Frank?” Kingsley was saying, gesturing at the man next to him, “And this is Remus, and - sorry mate, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Rod.” The punk with the pink hair replied, reaching over to shake Sirius’s hand.

“Hi,” Sirius nodded back, shaking. He turned to Frank next, beaming a smile (a bit over the top, but hey; it had been a while), “You must be Alice’s new chap! Heard lots.”

“All good I hope.” Frank chuckled.

“I’m saying nothing,” Sirius poked his tongue out. Finally, he turned to Remus, offering a hand, “Sirius Black, nice to meet you.”

“Remus Lupin.” Remus’s hands were long and slender - but not boney. His grip was firm, which Sirius thought was very promising. Still, he didn’t quite make eye contact, which was less of a good sign. Sirius tried again,

“Loved your last song, you were amazing!”

“Um. Thanks.” Remus nodded, only glancing at Sirius, as if he’d interrupted. Still, Sirius was not to be daunted;

“Fancy a drink?” He asked, coquettishly. 

Remus looked at him then, straight on, making clear eye contact. Nothing. No spark of recognition; no flush of pleasure. Just calm, honest acknowledgement. 

“No, thank you,” he replied, with brutal politeness. “I don't drink.” He raised his can of coke, as if to demonstrate.

“Oh, ok…” Sirius felt foolish. He’d never had the offer of a drink turned down before, and it threw him for a loop.

“Kind of you to ask, though.” Remus flashed him a smile - and by god, it was just as dazzling as it had been on stage. Heartened, Sirius was about to try once more, when Remus looked at Rod - the punk - and began to speak as if nothing had happened at all.

“Anyway, as I was saying - you  _ could  _ call Fugazi punk - they’re certainly punk influenced, but it’d be more accurate to call them post-hardcore, they’ve just got a much more melodic sound, if you know what I mean?”

Kingsley and Rod nodded sagely. Sirius scratched his head, then backed away, quietly. He had no idea what a fugazi was, or post hardcore - in fact, the little Sirius Black knew about music was really restricted to chart toppers and a bit of classic rock which James’s dad was into. Maybe he’d made a mistake, after all. 

Finding himself the only person at the party without someone to chat to, he went to the kitchen and made himself another drink. Lily had made a bowl of her patented ‘fuck me up’ punch, and he swallowed at least two full cups, which would have been fatal if he hadn’t spent the past three years building up an immunity to it. After that he nipped to the loo; he didn’t feel like being around too many people, just then.

There was a queue for the main bathroom, but Sirius sneaked into Lily and James’s master bedroom to use their en suite. In the overbright, over-quiet little loo, Sirius felt even worse. First bloke he’d showed any interest in for months, and he got a casual ’no, thank you’!? He tried to comfort himself - maybe Remus was straight. Sirius had never been wrong about that kind of thing before - actually, he was pretty proud of that particular talent - but there was a first time for everything.

He looked at himself in the mirror again. Maybe Remus didn’t like long hair, or preferred blonds? Or liked Rod the Punk with his stupid metal-studded face. Sirius had often toyed with the idea of getting piercings, but had always been too vain about marring his face. Tattoos were a different story - maybe he ought to go and change into a vest, to show them off a bit?

He snorted at his reflection. Was he that desperate for a shag that he was going to parade himself about like a baboon in heat? No. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. He turned off the tap and dried his hands on the towel.

“Sorry mate,” he called, assuming it was either James or Lily, “Just a sec.”

It was Gideon. Sirius jumped as he opened the door, startled by the tall red haired man before him. He was grinning. Of course he bloody was; Gideon was always grinning. Smug bastard.

“Thought I saw you sneak in here,” he said.

“There was a queue for the big loo,” Sirius shook his head. He turned off the bathroom light and closed the door behind him. “You shouldn’t be in here, you lost your VIP privileges.”

“No need to get your knickers in a twist, I was just saying hello.”

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Sirius led him out of the bedroom. It was never a good idea for him to get stuck in a room alone with Gid. Especially not one with a bed in it, and  _ especially  _ not after he’d just been rejected by a devastating musician. “You didn’t even come to the gig.”

“I was out in Hackney. I’ll bung Evans a few quid to keep her sweet.” Gideon followed him down the hall and caught his arm, “Oi!” He said, turning Sirius around, “What’s wrong? Not talking to me?”

“Just want to get back to the party.” Sirius shrugged, looking away. He didn’t have the strength for this, right now. He needed James or Lily or even Marlene to protect him, or else he was going to make the same mistake he always did.

“Look, you seeing anyone?” His hand was still on Sirius’s arm. Sirius looked at it, then up again, mischievous and grinning,

“Wouldn’t you like to know…”

“Tease.”

Sirius winked at him managing to free himself and saunter off, calling,

“No more chances, Gid, I told you.”

He went straight for the living room, hoping to find his friends and to lose himself a bit. Fuck Gideon, fuck Remus, fuck all men ever, he was over it.

He ended up bouncing between a few groups - being loud and flamboyant with Marlene and Dorcas, jumping around like yobs with James and Lily, and eventually settling on the couch with a very chatty blonde girl in a short skirt, who’d got the train in from Essex. Remus had migrated to where the snacks were, and was still talking earnestly with Kingsley and Frank. Alice appeared to have joined them, kept giggling at things Remus said, then touching his arm. Sirius wanted to know what could be so funny about someone that uptight. They weren’t too far away, if he leaned over a bit further he might be able to hear them.

“So where’s this salon you’re opening?” The Essex blonde was asking Sirius.

“Eh? Oh!” He returned his attention to the group he was with. They were boring and too excitable, only talking about ordinary, mundane things. “It’s on Lampeter street, if you know it?”

“Oh, that’s only up the road from my boyfriend’s work!” The drunk girl squealed with excitement, “He can be your first customer, I’ve been on at him to get a haircut for ages, haven’t I, Fletch?”

“Yeah,” Fletch nodded. He eyed Sirius, “Normally just go to the barber though… never had my hair done by a gay fella before…”

There was an awkward quiet, and Sirius could feel everyone’s eyes on him. Clunk. A nasty, sickly prickle crept up his spine - the same feeling he got when someone mentioned his mother. Still, there was a party going on, and he collected himself quickly,

“Well,” he purred, smiling widely at Fletch, “In that case, I’m going to have to insist that we take off our shirts and cuddle, first. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

Everyone around them laughed, and the atmosphere relaxed noticeably. Even Fletch saw the funny side, after he realised Sirius was just teasing. 

Still, it left a bad taste, so Sirius got up to look for another drink. As he did, he noticed that Remus was finally looking at him. Not staring with any kind of discernible attitude or emotion. Just watching, evenly, eyes clear and sort of friendly. Then he smiled, and Sirius didn’t think he needed a drink any more. Emboldened, he finally walked over. Remus moved away from his own group, discreetly towards Sirius, and nodded by way of greeting.

“Nicely done.” He said. 

Sirius shrugged,

“Happens a lot.”

“I can imagine.”

They looked at each other for a bit, and Sirius felt awkward, but Remus looked calm. “So,” the curly haired man said, finally, “I’m still working on my coke, but I’ll treat you to a drink, if you fancy?”

Sirius smiled,

“What a gentleman.” 

“After you,” Remus extended a long arm in an elaborate pantomime gesture of chivalry. “Good sir.”

They entered the kitchen, where they were alone, and Remus grabbed a nearby kitchen towel and tossed it over one shoulder, like a bartender. He placed his hands on the kitchen island and grinned at Sirius, “What’ll it be?”

Sirius laughed. Maybe he had been too harsh on Remus.

“Just a beer.”

“Just a beer? Oh well, if you must be boring…” Remus turned around and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of San Miguel. He cracked it  open on one of the fridge magnet bottle openers stuck to the door of the fridge (James had hundreds of them, from relatives who never knew what to get him for Christmas) and then slid the bottle across the counter for Sirius to catch.

“Cheers,” Sirius smiled, raising the bottle. Remus raised his cup of coke in return, and they both drank. 

“Do you live here?” The tall boy asked, “With Lily and her boyfriend?”

“No. Used to. Moved up the street six months ago.”

“Ah. Moved in with someone?”

“Just Marls - Marlene, my business partner.”

“The girl with the turquoise hair who keeps trying to give me a haircut?”

“That’ll be her. We’re opening a shop in a few months. Book now and you can have one of us half price!”

“As tempting as that sounds, I cut my own hair, thanks.”

Sirius consciously didn’t react to this statement, but privately thought ‘that’s pretty obvious’. Part of Remus’s charm was his adorably terrible haircut. Long and shaggy in all the wrong places; completely wrong for his face. Plus he was absolutely not using conditioner, judging by the frizz. 

“Congratulations on the new business venture, though,” Remus was saying. He sounded sincere. “I think that’s amazing, for someone our age.”

“Well,” Sirius fingered the label of his beer bottle, “I was left a bit of an inheritance, actually… and Marls is the business minded one. I just go along with it and write the cheques. Err, I mean…” Oh god, that sounded like boasting, better temper it with something, “It’s not like a huge amount of money or anything, just enough to get started, really… actually, I was supposed to get a lot  _ more  _ cash, but my family sort of disinherited me a while ago, so… anyway, we’re both - me and Marls - doing mobile hairdressing to make a bit of income in the meantime, so it’s not like I’m rich, or… er…” 

He wasn’t sure exactly why he was telling Remus so much, other than the fact that Remus didn’t seem to want to interject at any point, and Sirius always did this; just kept talking to fill up space.  _ Don’t get too personal!  _ He told himself,  _ this isn’t how you get a one off shag with a hot musician!  _ “Er… Lily says you work in the admin office, at the hospital?” He said, desperate to stop talking about himself.

“Part time,” Remus nodded, finally, “Maintaining patient records. It’s data entry mostly.”

“What do you do with the rest of your time?”

“Music, when I can. I do sessions work for a couple of bands in the area. Bit of sound engineering; whatever.”

“Wow that’s so cool!” Sirius groaned inwardly. He sounded like a complete idiot. Remus had that amused look back on his face.

“Thanks,” he said, politely. “Keeps me busy.”

Sirius didn’t really trust himself to keep talking, but struggled valiantly on,

“So what made you want to start talking to me?”

“You make it sound like I didn’t want to talk to you earlier,” Remus replied smoothly, leaning back on the counter. He was wearing  _ olive green corduroy trousers _ , for god’s sake. That wasn’t supposed to be attractive! Sirius swallowed and drank more beer.

“No, I just mean--”

“I s’pose watching you put homophobes back in their box piqued my interest,” Remus said, casually, as if they were having a perfectly ordinary conversation. His eyes were glittering with mischief as he said it, and Sirius couldn’t tell if he was just teasing.

“Ah, I see,” he smirked, hoping to flirt Remus into submission. “Lily said you were shy.”

“Oh, I am,” Remus replied, nodding very soberly, “Terminally. Why d’you think I’m hiding in the kitchen?”

“Thought it was so you could have me all to yourself.” Sirius quirked an eyebrow. This was infuriating; he couldn’t tell whether any of his usual tricks were working; either Remus was an oblivious heterosexual, or he had the most incredible poker face Sirius had ever seen.

“Maybe, that too,” Remus shrugged.

“You like keeping people guessing, don’t you?”

“Every party needs a mysterious stranger.” He winked. “What’s wrong, don’t like mixed signals?”

“Christ!” Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated, and took a step back. Remus sipped his coke again, watching with amusement,

“You know,” he said, pleasantly, “You don’t  _ have  _ to keep guessing. You could try just asking, like a normal person.”

Sirius blinked at him, then shook his head in disbelief. This was much more of a challenge than he’d really prepared himself for. Still, he wasn’t going to let this corduroy clad (and a cardigan, a knitted cardigan, for fuck’s sake!) beanpole get the better of him. He set down his beer and looked at Remus head on. 

“Ok, then.” He nodded, confidently, “Are you gay?”

“Very good,” Remus grinned, “That was nice and direct.”

“Well?! Are you??”

“No.” He answered, a smile still playing on his lips.

“Oh,” Sirius knew his face showed his disappointment. He squared his shoulders a bit, leaning away. Remus, conversely, took a step closer and touched his arm.

“But you could ask  _ another  _ question and probably still get the answer you’re looking for.”

“Er…” Sirius scratched his head at that. Remus was so weird, and also the most attractive person Sirius had ever met. Then it clicked, “Oh!” He said, eagerly, “Do you sleep with men?”

Remus quirked an eyebrow, finished his drink.

“Yes.”

Sirius didn’t know what to say to that, and he was very rarely on the back foot in this sort of situation. 

“Now you,” Remus said, “Got a boyfriend?”

“Er. No,”

“Looking for one?”

“No…”

“There we are.” Remus smiled, “Isn’t that much easier than trying to impress each other?”

“I…” He was struck dumb. Who the hell did Remus Lupin think he was?! And why the hell was he getting more attractive by the second?

Remus was just watching him. Not staring.  _ Watching.  _ Sirius had never been the sort of person to shy away from a bit of attention, but Remus’s measured scrutiny was intense. It felt as though he could see something else, something other people didn’t usually see.

“What are you looking at?” He asked.

“I’m thinking deep thoughts.” Remus replied, putting down his can of coke, the ghost of a smile crossing his face. Sirius chuckled and looked down.

“Ok… well--” 

Remus kissed him. He leaned forward, tilting his head and gripping Sirius’s arms with his big, lovely hands, he pressed his lips against Sirius’s and it was… it was just  _ everything _ . Sirius was no stranger to a bit of cheeky snogging at a party, but  _ this. _ He closed his eyes and slid his own fingers through the belt loops on Remus’s ridiculous corduroys, and leaned into him and they kissed and they kissed and they kissed. 

If he hadn’t already felt thoroughly shaken up by this infuriating, bass-playing, cardigan wearing enigma, then a kiss like that would have done the job.

They pulled apart naturally, Remus’s lips were shining and his eyes were gleaming, and Sirius could have jumped him right then and there on the kitchen counter.  _ Oh fuck. _

“Right.” Remus glanced down at his watch. “Reckon it’s about time for me to make a move.”

“You’re leaving?!” He spluttered.

“Such is the prerogative of mysterious strangers,” Remus shrugged on his coat, “If I disappear into the night, just imagine the kind of credentials that gives me.”

“Right…” Sirius hardly knew what to do. He thought they’d been getting along really well. 

“Come on, then.” Remus jerked his head as he headed for the hallway.

“You what?!” Sirius followed him out. Remus was hoisting his bass up onto his shoulders and lifting his huge box amp.

“I only live around the corner,” Remus said, matter of factly. “You might want a coat, though, it’s chilly out.”

“You’re asking me to come home with you?”

“Well. Only if you want to.” Remus raised an eyebrow again, turning to face him. “I’m not looking for anything serious, either - just so we’re on the same page. To be perfectly honest, I’ve got too much life shit to sort out before I can even  _ think _ about a relationship... But I think we could still have fun together, you and me. If you want to. Yeah.” 

Sirius looked at Remus, taking him all in. He was wrapped up against the cold, in a thick, orange woollen scarf and matching hat. A faded battered denim jacket that was too big for him, with old band patches sewn neatly up and down the arms. His dark eyes were full of wickedness and promise, and Sirius thought he had never had such a wonderful invitation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wussed out on the sex, guys. So there is a lot of build up and then, er... the equivalent of me panning away/fading to black :P 
> 
> Probably just time to admit I cannot write sex scenes. If someone wants to fill in the blanks, then by all means...

“Well?” Remus was still looking at him, expectantly. His eyes were not a remarkable colour. Muddy brown-green. But it was the  _ way  _ he looked. 

Sirius nodded.

“Yes!” He stopped himself, _ be cool, idiot! _ “I mean… sure, ok. Just gimme a sec.”

Sirius hurried back to the living room to find James, who was drunkenly flicking through the playlist on his phone, “Oi, mate,” Sirius murmured, trying to be inconspicuous,

“Maaaaate!” James grinned and pulled him into a bone crushing bear hug. “Are you having fun?!”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Sirius wheezed, pulling himself free. He tried whispering, “Look, I’m going to go…”

“Noooo!” James boomed, so that heads turned and people started staring, “Don’t go! Party’s just getting started, ‘ave another drink…”

“Are you leaving, Sirius?” Lily came to his rescue. She was drunk too, but drunk Lily was still more sensible than even a sober version of James.

“Yeah,” Sirius turned to her and whispered, “With your bassist.”

“Oh! Lovely!” She smiled brightly. “Ok, I’ll distract this one, you go!” She kissed his cheek, then flung herself into her boyfriend’s arms. James caught her, beaming as she wrapped her legs around his waist and began to kiss him passionately, to riotous applause from the rest of the revellers.

Sirius took his opportunity to escape, dodging out of the room, grabbing his jacket from the back of the sofa as he did so. He could see Gideon (or it might have been Fabian, to be fair) out of the corner of his eye, near the balcony door, smoking. Sirius didn’t look, just kept going.  _ I watched you leave enough times _ . 

Remus was waiting for him by the door holding his bass amp.

“I can carry that, if you want?” Sirius nodded to it,

“It’s not heavy.” Remus replied.

“Didn’t say it was, just offered to carry it.”

“If you’re careful.” Remus consented. Their fingers bumped against each other as they awkwardly passed the amp between them, and Sirius felt a shiver of anticipation.

He followed Remus out of the front door and into the lift. It was blissfully quiet after all that chatter and noise. Sirius was about to comment on this, but just as he turned his head, Remus met him with another kiss, harder this time; keener. 

Still gripping the amp with one hand, Sirius was powerless to resist Remus, who pushed him back against the cold chrome wall, his long fingers tracing the line of Sirius’s jaw, snaking up into his hair, gripping the back of his head. Remus’s hips rolled forward into Sirius and he used his knee to jerk Sirius’s legs apart, so that there was no space at all between their two eager bodies and Sirius was practically panting with desire right there in the lift, before they’d even hit the ground floor.

And then with a metallic *bing* the doors sprang open and bright artificial light flooded in, and Remus was off again, striding through the lobby and out into the brisk night air, while Sirius was still pulling himself together.

“Keep up,” Remus grinned, as they made their way out onto the street.

“Is that just your thing?!” Sirius teased back, “Sneak attacks?”

“How much warning do you want next time? Come on, I’m only about fifteen minutes away.”

They walked quickly, Remus’s long legs setting the pace, so that Sirius had to hurry, lugging the big amp along at his hip. “Sure you’re ok with that?” Remus eyed him.

“Yeah! You’re right, not heavy at all!” Sirius puffed. He was starting to regret all of the beer he’d drunk. Remus was completely sober, too; what if he embarrassed himself?! 

The other boy slowed down, obviously taking pity on him. 

“So have you always wanted to be a hairdresser?” He asked, politely.

“Stylist, please,” Sirius corrected, smiling, “And… I dunno, it was maybe more of an organic thing? My family wanted me to go into finance, but that was never going to happen.”

“Bad at maths?”

“I happen to be excellent at maths, I just hate it.”

“Fair enough. Continue.”

“Er… I always liked arty stuff. Drama, painting, sculpting, that sort of thing. I actually started an art degree, but… I dunno, life got in the way and I gave it up. I was staying with James’s parents at the time, and his family have a bit of a background in the hair industry…” 

He knew that sounded weird, but he preferred not to tell this almost total stranger about the Potter’s cosmetics fortune.

“...So I just ended up learning a lot.” He explained. “James’s mum made me get a job in the local hairdressers - I started off sweeping up and answering the phones, and just kept going from there.”

“That’s really amazing,” Remus said, his voice truly sincere for the first time Sirius had heard it. “Honestly, you should be proud.”

Sirius shrugged bashfully, careful not to jog the amp too much as he did. 

“What about you, with the music? How did you--”

“Oh, that’s all so boring.” Remus said, breezily. He started to slow down, and pointed ahead, “We’re just up here.”

They had reached a small parade of shops - a Londis, a phone shop, a Chicken Cottage and a greengrocers, which looked closed. Sirius followed Remus to the end of the row, where the taller boy fished in his pockets for his keys, unlocked the door, then forced it open with his shoulder. It juddered and groaned, opening with an unsettling suddenness. 

“Gets stuck,” Remus explained. “Been on at the landlord about it but he’s pretending it’s fine. C’mon.” 

Inside it smelt of stale cigarettes, cat shit and mildew. The staircase was directly ahead; carpeted, but filthy with stains and burn holes. There was a door to their left, which had a silver plaque reading ‘1a’. The door to their right had ‘1b’ in what looked like permanent black marker. Remus started up the stairs.

His flat was 2a, and once they were inside Sirius was relieved to discover that it was spotlessly clean, and Remus did not smoke or seem to own a cat. It was much too small a space, anyway; a studio with a double bed pushed into one corner, the foot of which butted up against the kitchen counter, where there was a sink, a microwave, and a small hob built into the worktop. No oven, though. There was one window above the bed, and a wooden concertina door which Sirius could only assume led to the bathroom. 

Sirius could easily have walked the length of Remus’s flat in three large strides - that is, if the rest of the space hadn’t been taken up by musical instruments. There was a keyboard, balancing precariously on top of an electric drum kit, and two guitars hanging from brackets on the walls. Remus shrugged off his bass, and hung it on the third bracket. 

“Just put the amp anywhere” He said, lifting a laptop off the bed and sliding it underneath, where it looked like he also stored his clothes. 

Sirius glanced around gingerly, looking for somewhere convenient to put down the amp, but there was so little floor space he just set it down at his feet and stood there awkwardly. He watched Remus kick his trainers off, and followed suit, placing them neatly next to the amp. 

“Water?” Remus asked, squeezing around Sirius and the amp to get into the tiny patch of tile which constituted the kitchen. He opened the mini fridge under the counter, “Or… squash? Huh, that’s weird, I thought I’d run out…”

“Water’s fine.” Sirius nodded. Remus flashed him a smile, surfacing with two glasses and filling them from the tap.

“Sorry it’s a bit small.” Remus said, squeezing past him again, handing him the water as he did so. “It’s not cheap, renting in London, and I prefer not to share.”

“It’s great!” Sirius said, maybe a bit too eagerly. He couldn’t help wishing he’d suggested they go back to his and Marlene’s flat. Their _ living room _ was bigger than this. 

Remus was sitting on the bed now, glass of water on the windowsill over the headboard. He looked up at Sirius, his face full of concentration, as if he was trying to solve a problem,

“Fancy coming over here?” He asked.

“Yeah, sorry!” Sirius came over, quickly, almost tripping over his own shoes in the process. Remus laughed lightly, without any malice, as Sirius reached the bed. Remus took the glass of water off him, placing it beside his own,

“Relax!” He grinned, “I don’t bite.”

“I just don’t do this much…” Sirius looked down, awkwardly. That wasn’t  _ strictly  _ true - he’d had one or two one-night-stands, whenever he and Gid had been on the outs. But he’d almost always been drunk, and so had the other person, and he hadn’t fancied any of them as much as he fancied Remus. 

“We don’t have to do anything,” Remus said, gently, “If this isn’t what you had in mind--”

_ Fuck it _ . Sirius leaned over and kissed him.  _ That  _ was something he knew how to do. Remus wasn’t too bad at it, either, and he slackened, relaxing back, allowing Sirius to push him down onto the pillows. Sirius could feel Remus’s lips curl into a smile against his own, and  _ there _ it was - talking was crap; talking was bullshit; talking just _ got in the bloody way _ . 

Kissing, though; kissing was excellent. He knew where he was with kissing. They could do it all night long, for all he cared. The tiny room didn’t matter, or the draught coming in under the single-glazing, or the sinister wail of police sirens outside. There was just his body, and Remus’s body, and that was plenty.

Half on top of Remus, Sirius shifted position slightly to get a better angle, supporting himself with one arm. Remus responded by moving beneath him, raising his hips, one hand sliding up Sirius’s neck into his hair, the other slipping underneath his t-shirt. Sirius moaned into Remus’s mouth, and Remus continued exploring, his long, slightly calloused fingers drawing lazy strokes across Sirius’s ribs and chest. 

Needing more contact, Sirius hastily nudged Remus’s knees apart with his own, sliding his leg down so they were flush against each other. Remus’s wandering hand found the small of Sirius’s back, and he pressed them together, gripping him tight and bucking his hips up again to create more pressure, relieving some of the ache they were both starting to feel. Sirius could feel Remus’s hard-on through their clothes, and their kisses grew more urgent, Remus’s fingers tightening in his hair as they pressed against each other in hot silence.  

Emboldened, Sirius allowed his own hands to wander, settling at Remus’s hip, fingers hooking into the waist of his trousers, tugging playfully and stroking the tender skin of Remus’s hipbone with his thumb. 

“Mm,” Remus hummed, moving again, this time to roll Sirius over, his hands pushing on his shoulders to switch their positions. 

All this movement broke their kiss, and Sirius finally opened his eyes, blinking, slightly dazed by the brightness of the room. Remus’s face came into focus, he was grinning down at him , straddling Sirius’s body and biting his lip. His eyes fluttered downwards, and he took the hem of Sirius’s t-shirt and began to pull. Sirius raised his arms and sat up slightly, allowing Remus to yank the shirt over his head and toss it aside.

Exposed and pinned down, Sirius felt vulnerable for a split second, before that lustful, concentrated look returned to Remus’s eyes, as he brushed a stray hair from Sirius’s face, trailing a finger down his bare chest, tracing his tattoos with awe,

“Look at you...” Remus murmured, before leaning forward to kiss him again, catching his bottom lip between his teeth and nipping very slightly. 

A hot, tight bubble of anticipation began to build in Sirius’s belly, and he moaned in assent as Remus now began to remove his own clothes - knitted cardigan and all.

Sirius watched him, hands gripping Remus’s slim hips as he wriggled out of his t-shirt, hair fluffing up like a dandelion with the static, falling softly back into place. 

Remus’s body was unlike any body Sirius had ever seen. He was very thin; the bones in his shoulders and ribs moved smoothly beneath pale, lightly freckled skin. He had a network of darker moles across his chest and belly, and strange silvery-pink marks on one side, puckering the skin.

“Not much to look at,” Remus said, bashfully, leaning down again, now working the button on Sirius’s jeans. 

“Shut up,” Sirius breathed, pulling him in for a deep kiss. Remus’s warm bare skin moved deliciously against his own chest, and Remus’s hands continued their exploration, now pushing beneath the waistband of Sirius’s jeans, over his hips to grip his arse firmly.

His excitement mounting, Sirius mirrored Remus, grabbing him with both hands and pulling him as close as he could, thrusting upwards as he did to rub himself harder against the other body. Remus made a sound, deep in his throat, which Sirius took for satisfaction, and they stayed like that for a time, tongues sliding against each other, bodies rocking slowly. 

The heat blooming between them felt so strong; so intense that Sirius could not tell where his own pleasure ended and Remus’s began. 

It might have gone on longer, much longer, but the beer had started to wear off, and Sirius was realising how much he had missed this; being physical with another person. It made him impatient for more. He moved to reach for Remus’s belt, fumbling in his eagerness. Remus chuckled and pulled away again, straightening up to help. He rolled off of Sirius, bowing his head to work the buttons himself. Sirius followed suit, keen to get his socks off too (‘nothing worse than a naked man still in his socks’, Lily always said). 

As he kicked off his jeans, Remus reached over his head, grabbing his phone from the windowsill. He tapped a few icons, and suddenly noise burst from the stereo on the shelf opposite them.

“Sorry,” Remus said, flushed and grinning as he chose a song and turned the sound up, “I’ve got nosey neighbours…”

“S’fine,” Sirius said, surprised to find his voice hoarse as he stared at Remus in his boxers, casually propped up on one elbow, scrolling for music. 

“This ok?” Remus settled on something Sirius had never heard before. It had a good strong rhythm, but it was soft too, not aggressive. 

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, stupidly. 

He couldn’t care less, he just wanted Remus to touch him again. He reached over, rolling onto his side, tilting his head upwards to kiss him. He let his hand run down the side of Remus’s body, eager to feel every inch of him. 

Remus recoiled slightly as Sirius’s fingers brushed over the long thin scars there.

“Sorry,” he murmured, pulling away from the kiss, “Damaged goods.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Sirius asked, tentatively.

Remus shook his head, and Sirius kissed him again, “I think you’re gorgeous,” he said, moving down to kiss the soft skin of Remus’s neck, then his collarbone, his chest, keen to prove it. 

Remus stretched out beneath him as Sirius continued working downwards, letting his tongue flick over Remus’s puckered nipples, fingers still trailing lightly down his sides so that he squirmed and gasped delightfully. Sirius glanced up to see Remus’s face; his chin was tilted back, his long throat exposed, glowing in the light of the halogen street lamp outside. He was so beautiful; Sirius was filled with the desire to please him; to do nothing but make him sigh like that. 

He reached down and squeezed Remus’s hard cock firmly through his thin boxers eliciting another shudder and groan. Finally, he grinned to himself. Remus Lupin was at  _ his  _ mercy. He licked his lips, pulling down the elastic waistband and lowering his head.

“Oh fuck,” Remus groaned.   

Sirius was inclined to agree.

* * *

_ Some time later... _

“Y’ok?” Remus asked, his breathing settling down.

“Mm.” Sirius replied, his eyes closed, he lay very still. 

“Just a sec.” Remus got up and climbed over him, surprisingly nimble, and hopped towards the wooden concertina door to Sirius’s right. He went inside and Sirius heard water running.

He sat up and reached for his glass on the windowsill, taking big gulps. He didn’t feel drunk anymore. He felt restful and sleepy, but clear headed, somehow more alert. There was still a draught coming in under the gap in the window and he shivered a bit, rubbing his bare arms. Would it be rude to get dressed? What he’d really like to do is crawl under the duvet, surrounded by the smell of Remus, and fall asleep right there.

The bathroom door opened again. Remus appeared, still fully naked and unconcerned. He was so gorgeous. Every movement he made, every turn of his head, with that stupid floppy hair and gangly limbs - Sirius couldn’t take his eyes off him. _ Oh jesus _ , he thought,  _ what am I getting into here _ .

“Brr.” Remus grinned at him, practically leaping at the bed, and getting straight under the duvet. “Aren’t you freezing? Get in!”

“Ok,” Sirius smiled, shuffling up, tucking in his legs and climbing underneath the warm heavy sheets. They smelled of Remus. He never wanted to leave. “Er… can I stay the night, then?”

“I was sort of hoping so,” Remus said, pulling him closer, breathing lightly against Sirius’s neck, “I’m nowhere near finished with you…”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Been a while :)
> 
> This chapter has some fairly graphic sex in it towards the end.

**Prongs:** M8

**Prongs:** M8??

**Prongs:** M8888888888???

**Padfoot:** Mate.

**Prongs:** Where tf are you???

**Padfoot:** Where do you think?

**Prongs:** OMG I was just about to send a search party!

**Padfoot:** It’s been less than 12 hours you lunatic.

**Prongs:** Anything could have happened to you!

**Padfoot:** ;)

**Prongs:** The bassist??? 

**Padfoot:** Yep

**Prongs:** Nice 1!!! Come over?

**Padfoot:** Maybe later...

**Prongs:** OMDZ are you still there???

**Padfoot:** ;)

 

“Who’re you talking to?” Remus said, making Sirius jump with a start, guiltily clutching his phone.

“Er. My mate - James.”

“Lily’s boyfriend?”

“Yeah. Sorry, he just wanted to know where I am.”

“Ha. Worried I’d left you languishing in a dark cellar?”

“Something like that.”

Remus grinned, rolling onto his back and stretching out. Sirius reached up to drop his phone on the windowsill, now that he wasn’t the only one awake. Remus’s little studio flat looked even smaller in the light of day. Natural light made everything somehow gloomier; highlighting the scuffed corners and cracked surfaces. 

“Sleep well?” Remus asked, yawning. “Didn’t hog the covers, did I?”

“No, you were perfect.”

Remus gave him a sideways look that made Sirius blush. He sat up, picked up his own phone and read the time.

“I’ve got a rehearsal in a couple of hours,” he said, “Just going to hop in the shower.”

“Oh, ok,” Sirius drew his legs up so that Remus could climb around him to get out of the bed. He was still naked, and Sirius couldn’t help staring as he straightened up and walked across the room. At the bathroom door, Remus glanced back,

“Coming, then?”

Sirius grinned.

* * *

“Do you have to get to your rehearsal right away?” Sirius asked, pulling on his t-shirt after their shower.

“Erm, quite soon, yeah,” Remus said from under the bed, where he appeared to be looking for a clean pair of underwear. “Why?”

“Just fancied breakfast.”

“I haven’t got anything in - I usually get some toast from the cafe on the corner.”

“No,” Sirius laughed, looking for his socks now, “I meant I’ll buy you breakfast.”

“Eh?” Remus stood up straight, looking confused. “Why?”

His hair was still a bit wet from the shower, but already starting to frizz. Sirius wasn’t surprised - he’d checked out the shampoo while Remus’s back was turned, and it was one of those 2 in 1 budget bottles from Poundland. He tried not to be too much of a snob, but  _ really _ . 

“Just hungry,” Sirius said, “Thought you might be too.”

“You don’t owe me anything…” 

“No, I just… it was just breakfast.” Sirius was getting a bit flustered now; he couldn’t see why Remus was being so weird about it. Had he done something wrong?

Remus finished dressing and started gathering together various wires and pedals and little mechanical boxes with dials on them, shoving them all into a battered hold-all. He went to pick up his bass, next.

“Want a hand?” Sirius asked, hoping to be helpful.

Remus turned and fixed him with a stare. His forehead creased slightly, as if he was thinking, “We did say this was just for fun, didn’t we? Neither of us is looking for anything serious, right?”

“Of course!” Sirius said at once, the hair on the back of his neck prickling with embarrassment. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be… I was only being nice.”

Remus looked at him for a long time, assessing. Then he nodded.

“If you wanna buy me toast and a cuppa I won’t say no. But it’ll have to be takeaway, I need to head.”

“Great,” Sirius nodded, trying to look casual, “Yeah, cool.”

They left the flat and walked out onto the street which was already thumping with Saturday morning foot traffic. They had to flatten themselves against the door almost at once as a gang of ancient white haired ladies in saris went past, their walking sticks clacking against the pavement. A double-decker hissed, pulling up at a bus stop, and a group of teenagers disembarked, all playing loud music and screeching with laughter. 

Sirius followed Remus to the end of the road, near the tube station, and they stopped outside a tiny cafe with barely room for both of them to stand inside. Remus ordered his toast and a cup of tea, Sirius ordered a black coffee with three sugars and paid for it all. The awkward bit came once all that was done. They stood on the pavement cupping their hot drinks (Remus’s toast, wrapped in brown paper, went straight in his jacket pocket). 

Remus smiled politely and gently bumped the rim of his cup against Sirius’s, “Cheers for breakfast, then.”

“No problem, thanks for… um. Thanks for letting me crash.”

“Anytime.” Remus winked.

“Really?” Sirius hoped he didn’t look too eager.

“Yeah, if you're at a loose end one night, why not. Lily has my number. Look, I need to go, see ya mate!”

Remus was already backing away, bass slung over one shoulder, hand fumbling in his jacket pocket for his oyster card, he quickly made for the station and had disappeared into the dark ticket hall before Sirius could even say a proper goodbye. 

Damn. How did he do that?!

Sirius sighed, sipped his coffee - which was crap - and decided he needed some outside input. It was a good thing James and Lily lived so close by. Sirius binned the coffee, shoved his hands in his pockets, and walked back to their flat. 

He’d done a few walks of shame over the course of his colourful and varied love life, but none had ever been so confusing. He tried a bit of introspection - how exactly did he  _ feel _ ? - but that had never been his strong suit. Maybe after a few hours of Call of Duty with James.

He let himself in the building, went up in the lift and unlocked the front door. The kitchen had already been thoroughly cleaned - Lily and James were early risers. Every surface sparkled and gleamed, and it barely looked like the same place Sirius had been kissed by Remus.

“That you, sweetie-pie?” James called from the living room.

“Sure is, honey-buns,” Sirius called back. “Coffee?”

“I'll do it.” James came through. He had that annoying smirk on his face, like he had done something he felt smug about. “Good party last night.”

“Yeah, not bad.” Sirius nodded casually.

“We were up til five.” James said, clicking on the coffee machine. 

“Oh yeah?”

“How about you? Late one?”

Sirius looked up at him, unable to hide his grin now. “Dunno. Didn’t pay much attention to the time.”

“Get in there!” James pumped his fist as if Sirius had just scored a try. 

Sirius laughed, “Honestly, your obsession with my sex life is starting to get weird, does Evans know about it?”

“She’s a psychologist,” James shrugged, as if that explained everything. “So? Lily said it was the bassist? Tall guy?”

“Yeah. Remus.”

“Remus.” James said, thoughtfully, scratching his head as the coffee began to splutter from the machine. “He a nurse too?”

“Nah, he does admin. He’s a musician.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah, well it was just a casual thing. I’m not looking for a relationship, remember?”

James handed him a coffee, dark eyes still twinkling.  “Your hair’s wet.” He said.

“So? I used his shower.” 

“So. You never leave the house with your hair wet. You’re  _ Sirius Black _ , Hair Stylist and Egomaniac.” 

“Well he only lives round the corner. Thought I could clean up properly here.” Sirius said coolly, sipping his coffee. Ah, that was better. He could think straight now he’d had some high-quality caffeine. “Is er… Lily about?”

“Gone for a jog.”

“Christ, you two are ridiculous. Don’t you ever get hangovers?”

“Best cure for a hangover is fluid and exercise,” James replied, “She’ll be back soon. Why?”

“Er… she has his number. Remus’s.”

“Ah HA!”

“Oh shut up.”

They went through to the living room and settled in for a game. Everything had been scrubbed from top to bottom - when Sirius had lived there they’d wallowed in party-mess for days after even the smallest gathering. Everything was so different, now. 

“Gid was asking for you,” James said, as they grabbed their controllers from the coffee table, “Gave Lily the utmost pleasure to tell him you’d pulled.”

“Jesus, she told him?”

“Well he wouldn’t stop asking. Should’ve seen his face.”

Sirius pictured it. It felt good. He didn’t kid himself - if Remus hadn’t come along and swept him off his feet then he probably would have given into Gideon’s charms. If Sirius knew anything about himself, it was that he always fell back into bad habits. And he got too attached to people. Which could be a good thing - take James, for example. They had been as close as brothers since their very first week of boarding school, where they’d shared a dorm. 

But then, James was a special case - he was inclined to get a bit over-attached, too. When Sirius came out to James, some time in fifth year, James had even expressed feeling guilty that  _ he  _ wasn’t gay too, to make it easier for Sirius.

But it wasn't always the best thing, getting attached so fast. It led to a lot of heartbreak. At least it had with Gideon.

“So are you gonna take him out?” James asked,

“Eh?” Sirius blinked, snapping out of his thoughts, “Who?”

“The bloke you’ve been shagging all night. Must’ve been good, that’s the third time you’ve died.” James nodded at the screen, as Sirius’s soldier fell to the ground.

“Sod off. No, I don’t think he does dates. He just said I could call him, if I ever found myself at a loose end…”

“Oh my god! You’ve got a fuck buddy!”

“Christ, Potter, calm down. I have  _ not _ .”

“Well, what would you call it?”

“Er… a friendship of mutual respect which happens to include reciprocal pleasure.”

“Oh, very modern.”

“Indeed.”

Fortunately, Lily arrived back at that moment. She shouted out a hello and went straight for the shower, and Sirius tried not to fidget while he waited for her. Obviously he wanted Remus’s number, but he didn’t want to look  _ too  _ interested - not in front of Lily and James, who were of the opinion that everybody needed to find their soulmate and settle down as soon as humanly possible. Anyway, Remus wasn’t Sirius’s soulmate. He didn’t use conditioner.

“Hello you,” Lily grinned upon seeing Sirius, and climbed over the back of the couch to plonk herself between him and James, “And how was  _ your _ evening?”

“They had hot animal sex all night long, and Sirius is desperate for you to give him Remus’s number.” James supplied. Sirius reached around the couch to hit him, but James ducked, laughing. 

Lily laughed too, “Well that’s good to hear - what was he like?! He doesn’t give much away, that boy…”

“It was nothing,” Sirius said, still glaring at James, “We just… anyway, he said you have his number, so--”

“I don’t.” Lily said.

“What?!”

“I don’t, sorry darling. Kingsley was the one who told him all the rehearsal times, I hardly ever go down to the admin department, it’s grim. So I never got his number.”

“Can you ask Kingsley, then?”

“Yeah, sure, but you know how busy he is - and he’s working today, so it might take a while.”

“Oh, right. Er. Actually, don’t worry.” He realised that Remus might not necessarily  _ want  _ Kingsley to know that he’d slept with Sirius. Adding an extra person made things a bit complicated, when it came to casual hookups. Or at least, Sirius assumed so. 

“Oh no, what a shame.” Lily bit her lip, “I could always pop down to see him, next time I’m working?”

“Don’t be silly,” Sirius shook his head, “He’ll think I’m stalking him. It’s fine. It was just for fun, anyway, that’s what we said.”

“Ok… if you’re sure?”

“Positive.”

* * *

For the next couple of weeks, Sirius tried to forget about Remus. It was clearly a no go. The sex had been good - better than good, actually, bloody amazing, at least Sirius thought so - but if Remus had really wanted him to get in touch then wouldn’t he have given Sirius his number directly? Maybe telling him to ask Lily for it had been him dropping a hint. Though that was a bit odd, given how direct Remus had been at the party. 

Fortunately for Sirius, there was plenty of work to keep him busy. Marlene was a genius at social media, and had them both booked solid for the month. And when they weren’t cutting and styling hair, she expected Sirius to be attending expos with her, or beauty lectures, or training courses - Marlene had decided that they ought to learn a few other beauty basics, which meant Sirius was now going to the local vocational college on Friday evenings to learn how to do nails. 

He quite enjoyed manicures - during his emo phase at school he’d nicked some black nail polish from Superdrug and splodged it over his chewed up fingernails and felt like the most punk rock kid in the world. Fortunately, he’d progressed since then. He had shaping and buffing down, and he could do shellac and false nails, and he was about to find out what on earth IBX was. Lily was happy about his new skill too, because he really needed to practice. James less so, though he relented in the end, and allowed Sirius to paint his toenails in his team colours.

Sirius had just arrived at East London Beauty College for a lecture on highlights when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He waited to get seated before checking it - assuming it was Marlene asking him if he was free for a house call. He technically was free later than evening, but it would be his first free evening in two weeks, and he  _ really  _ wanted to keep it that way. 

He put down his bag, pulling a notebook and pen out. Other students bought laptops and tablets, but he preferred scribbling by hand - it helped him remember things better. He took a long gulp of coffee before checking his phone - if it was Marls, then he really needed the energy. 

But it wasn’t her - it was a text from an unknown number. Curious, thinking maybe it was a client, he tapped to open it.

 

_ Hello, is this Sirius Black’s number? _

 

Well, whoever it was knew his name. Probably a client, then. Most of their customers were technophobic old ladies, but they got the occasional busy mum on their books, so it wasn’t completely outside of the realms of possibility. Still vaguely intrigued, he typed out a response.

 

**Yes, who’s this?**

_ Thank god for that. It’s Remus :) _

 

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t believe it. Ok, he told himself,  _ be cool _ . He put down his coffee, using both hands to hold his phone.

 

**Hi! :) Didn’t expect to hear from you - how did you get my number?**

_ You left a pack of business cards at mine. They fell under the bed, I only just found them. _

**Oh! Sorry about that.**

_ Not at all :) it means I could get in touch with you to say sorry. _

**Sorry??**

_ For telling you Lily had my number - I thought I’d given it to her, but I must not have. Hope you didn’t think I was trying to tell you something :P _

**Lol, obvs not. How are you?**

_ Good thanks. You? _

**Good too.**

_ Good. _

 

Sirius groaned quietly to himself. He’d been fantasising about magically bumping into Remus for two weeks, but now he had no idea what to say. He chewed his lip, and tried to come up with something witty and devastating. He sipped his coffee again. His mind was blank. How did you casually ask someone you had a one-off shag with two weeks ago whether they fancied another one-off shag? The phone buzzed again - 

 

_ Fancy meeting up tonight? ;) _

 

Sirius almost choked on his coffee. So that was how you did it, then.

 

**Sure! I’m in Hackney atm, be free at 6.**

_ Perfect. Your place? _

**Great. I’ll send the address. 6.30?**

_ See you then. _

 

As soon as he’d sent his postcode, Sirius slapped his hand to his forehead. Idiot! He’d given himself exactly thirty minutes to rush home, tidy his room, potentially change the bedsheets, see if there was any food in -- sod the food, did he have condoms?! Maybe Remus would bring those - he’d certainly had plenty last time. What sort of impression did that give off, though, if he expected Remus sort that stuff out? 

Bugger it. He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost 5pm. He considered pulling a sickie - suddenly becoming overwhelmed by a migraine or something, but if Marlene ever found out she’d never forgive him. 

Sirius sat through the hour long lecture, jiggling his leg and glancing up at the clock every two minutes. He did take some notes, but his mind was elsewhere. 

Once the class was dismissed, Sirius leapt out of his chair and fled the room as if his arse was on fire. He legged it to the bus, and just about made it on time, panting and sweating. He really needed to get more exercise, like Prongs was always telling him.

Home with twenty minutes to spare, Sirius flew about the house tidying up and rearranging the living room, kitchen, and his bedroom. Luckily Marlene and Dorcas were pretty tidy housemates - and luckier still neither of them were in. 

He had just enough time for a very quick shower, hair scraped up in a bun which he only just remembered to yank back down as the doorbell went. It took all of Sirius’s willpower to walk at a normal pace to answer the door, but he did it.

And there he was: Remus Lupin, every bit as scruffy and lanky and _too_ _bloody cool_ as he had been two weeks ago.

“Hi!” He smiled. He had his denim jacket on, with all the patches, over a t-shirt emblazoned with  the words ‘Chubby Thunderous Bad Kush Masters’, which Sirius sincerely hoped was the name of a band. 

“Hi! Come in…”

“Wow, nice place!” Remus strolled casually into the living room, looking about. Sirius smiled, trying not to look too much like an over proud housewife. It was quite nice - Marlene had brought most of the furniture with her, and she had good taste. 

“Something to drink?” Sirius asked, “We’ve got tea - about a hundred different kinds - coffee, squash, orange juice, coke…”

“Glass of water would be brill, cheers,” Remus nodded, “Oh, before I forget, here--” He plunged his hand into his back pocket and pulled out Sirius’s little stack of business cards. “I’m so glad you left them at mine - I was kicking myself for not giving you my number.”

“Thanks,” Sirius took the cards, heart rate picking up as their fingers touched. “Er, come through…” 

He led Remus into their pokey little kitchen and went to get two glasses for the water. Remus wasn’t nervous or shy at all. 

“Then I thought maybe I ought to ask Lily for your number, but I’ve been off work, and of course I didn’t even have her number -  _ then _ I remembered you knew Kingsley, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want him to know about you and I, so…”

“Oh my god, I thought the exact same thing!” Sirius laughed, somewhat relieved to hear that he had been on Remus’s mind. He handed him the glass of water.

Remus smiled politely, and took it, then drank the entire thing in one go, his adam’s apple bobbing. “Sorry,” he chuckled, wiping his lips and looking down bashfully, “Got thirsty on the walk over.”

“How come you haven’t been at work?”

“Oh, just off sick. Anyway, give me the tour!”

“Well there’s really not much to see…” Sirius gestured at the kitchen, “That’s the fridge. Those cupboards are mine, those are the girls’... er… this is the oven…”

“Gas or electric?”

“Electric,”

“Excellent choice.” Remus nodded wisely, furrowing his brow. Sirius was thrown for a loop, until he realised Remus was teasing him. 

“Prick,” Sirius laughed, “You asked for a tour, I’m trying to be thorough!”

“It was my extremely suave and subtle way of trying to see your bedroom.” Remus replied, dryly. 

“Well why didn’t you say so,” Sirius rolled his eyes sarcastically, “Come on, then,” he tugged Remus’s thick-knit jumper at the hem, leading him back through the living room and through the hall to his room.

Sirius’s bedroom was his happy place - it always had been, no matter where he was living. At home, it had been a refuge from his suffocating nightmare of a family, at school, the dorm room he’d shared with James, where he’d finally felt happy and safe for the first time. Then, when the nightmare got too real, the Potters had given him a room of his own, for as long as he needed it.

So when he’d moved in with Marlene, the bedroom had been the most important thing. He was pretty pleased with it; nice big window, lots of natural light in the mornings, white walls with a few framed posters he’d kept from school, photographs of James and Lily on his bookcase. He’d put his best bedsheets on for Remus, too, though he was a bit embarrassed about that, now. James bought them for him last Christmas - they were printed to look like the night sky; black and silver galaxies, purple and blue nebulas. 

Remus let out a low whistle as he stepped inside, “Blimey, I feel terrible about taking you back to mine last time.”

“Your place is nice!” Sirius said, quickly. 

Remus snorted, “No, it isn’t.”

“At least you live alone…”

“Mm, for now… anyway, let’s do this here, from now on, eh?”

“This?” Sirius raised an eyebrow coyly, meeting Remus’s murky green eyes. 

Remus gazed back, and stepped towards him, hands on Sirius’s hips, pulling him closer. He leaned forward and kissed Sirius deeply, one hand moving up to his neck, then under his hair, fingers fanning out, cradling his head. Sirius practically purred with satisfaction, leaning into Remus, revelling in the way they fit together so beautifully. 

“This.” Remus whispered, as they pulled apart. He took advantage of Sirius’s momentary lapse, and gave him a soft shove, so that Sirius fell back on the bed. Remus climbed on top of him, overwhelming him, his wicked tongue sliding into Sirius’s mouth, curling and caressing promisingly.

Jerking his body upwards anxiously, Sirius whispered between kisses, “God, I want you…”

The ferocity of Remus’s kissing increased, and he reached down to grasp Sirius’s hard cock through his jeans, pressing and squeezing. Sirius took the hint and began to fumbled with the fastenings of his trousers until Remus took over, impatient, and pulled them away.

“Off,” Remus grunted, tugging his t-shirt next. He pulled back so that Sirius could sit up to remove the last of his clothes, while Remus pulled off his own shirt quickly, flinging it aside. 

Sirius lay beneath him, propped up on his elbows, expectant and obedient as Remus looked him over. A quiet moment passed. “Bloody hell,” Remus breathed, “You’re so fucking gorgeous.”

Sirius grabbed the back of his neck to pull him back down, rubbing himself against Remus, needily, “Want you...” Sirius moaned again.

As amazing as all the kissing was, he was desperate now to touch and be touched. Remus’s hands smoothed and stroked, but never lingered anywhere Sirius wanted them to. It felt like some cruel game Sirius didn’t know the rules to.

He pressed his palm against Remus’s scarred chest – his body was so different to Gid’s - to anyone elses Sirius had ever known. He was thin, and seemed frail, but he was holding Sirius down with surprising strength, keeping him firmly where he wanted him, while at the same time kissing Sirius’s neck, so, so softly, then his collar bone, then his nipples...

He was moving down his body, Sirius realised, and he wanted to cry with anticipation. Remus’s mouth was so hot and when it finally closed around him he almost lost it completely.

As Remus worked his tongue slowly around and around, lips tightening, Sirius felt as though he was being drawn apart, as if fire was coursing in his veins. He knew already he wouldn’t last long – Gid had always teased him for it, no control – but he didn’t  _ care _ , it was too good. Remus held a steady hand on his hip, holding him still but also giving Sirius something to brace against. His fingers twisted the bedsheets and he clenched his teeth, groaning.

“Christ!” He exclaimed, his eyes slamming shut as he came like a ton of bricks.

He lay there, panting, for what felt like whole minutes. Remus sat up, smirking a satisfied smirk and lay back down beside him. 

“Wow.” He sighed, “Er… sorry. Bit quick off the mark.”

“All part of my evil plan,” Remus replied. He stroked Sirius’s belly with the back of his hand. Sirius shuddered, creasing up, too sensitive for such a soft sensation. 

“I can go again…”

“I’m counting on it.”

“Just give me a few minutes…”

“I believe in you.”

Sirius rolled onto his side, blushing at Remus. He’d removed his shirt, but while Sirius hadn’t a stitch on him, Remus had managed to keep his jeans on. Sirius bit his lip and reached for the fly. “While we wait…”

Remus was biting his lip too, lying back to let Sirius take control now, and just the sight of that was enough for Sirius’s arousal to return, hot and wanting deep in his belly. He moved closer, leaning over Remus and dipping his head to kiss him. He slipped a hand inside Remus’s jeans to feel the warm hardness of him. He carefully rested his palm against the length, then began to stroke. Remus hummed with pleasure, back arching slightly.

Pleasing him had never felt so important. He unbuttoned Remus’s jeans, yanking them off as fast as he could.

He tried to mimic the motions Remus had used on him only moments before. It certainly seemed to be working; Remus wasn’t as vocal as Sirius, but his muscles tensed and he pushed back all the same. 

As Remus struggled and strained beneath him, he reached down to stroke Sirius’s hair, fondly. Sirius was fully hard again now, and unbelievably turned on. He raised his head, leaning back a bit to look up at Remus.

“Do you want to… we could…” He twisted his mouth, suddenly shy – he never knew how to ask for it. Remus looked at him, the corners of his mouth curling as he stroked Sirius’s cheek,

“You want me to fuck you?”

Sirius bit his lip again, nodding. 

Remus grinned.

* * *

“These are really nice sheets.” Remus commented, plucking at the fabric lazily. 

“Thanks.” Sirius breathed, dazed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Well,” Remus said, getting up, “Cheers for having me, mate - I needed that.” he threw Sirius a wink before bending to pick up his clothes.

Sirius watched him dress, not sure what to say. He didn't want Remus to go, it felt too soon, too abrupt, too much like…  _ like this is just about shagging. _

He scolded himself. It  _ was _ all about shagging. They'd agreed that. Remus had even reiterated the point more than once. Still. Sirius would have liked longer. “You can hang out here for a bit, if you want?” He asked, hopefully. “Stick on Netflix.”

Remus looked up, meeting Sirius's eye in the full-length mirror opposite the bed. “No, it's fine. I need to practice for a gig, and my neighbours make me stop playing at eleven. It’s almost nine, now.”

“Oh, ok, no worries.” Sirius sat up and pulled the duvet across himself. “Er… fancy doing this again?”

Remus smiled to himself, looking down to put on his socks, “I'm free Tuesday? Same time?”

“Sounds good.”

“Can I use your loo before I go?”

“Of course! Just across the hall.”

Remus laced his shoes, then got up and left the room. Sirius lay back again. He felt so calm and peaceful, tender all over. He'd really like a cuddle, but he knew that was definitely too far. Marlene would be home soon, maybe she would oblige.

As if by magic, the front door opened, and Marlene shouted into the flat, “You home, Dickhead?”

She didn't wait for a response. As usual. She marched right into his room, doc martens echoing on the laminate floor. To be fair, his bedroom door was wide open. “What are you in bed for? Sick or something?”

“Err…” Sirius blinked, pulling the duvet up to his neck. The bathroom door clicked open and Remus emerged, still cool as a cucumber.

“Hi,” he nodded at Marlene, who stood agog. “Nice to see you again, sorry I can't stay. Sirius, see you next week?”

Sirius nodded, unable to speak, and Remus gave him a wink before heading out the door. As soon as he was gone Marlene shrieked and jumped into the bed.

“Tell me everything!”


	5. Chapter 5

*bzz* *bzzz-bzzz* *bzz*

“Hello?”

“Oh my god, you’re alive! Lily, call off the search party!”

“Hiya, Prongs, how’s it going?”

“Don’t you ‘how’s it going’ me, Mr Padfoot! Where the hell have you been?! It’s been months!”

“It’s been a week and a half, babe, calm down…”

“Where have you  _ been _ ?”

“Working! You know how important our bookings are.”

“Every evening? Every weekend?!”

“Working and studying. And I try to sleep every once in a while.”

“How’s the nail stuff coming?”

“Yeah, good. Moved on to aromatherapy now.”

“You’re going to be a one man spa.”

“That’s the plan.”

“Come over tonight? Pleeeeease? We haven’t had a game night in ages!”

“Sorry, can’t - working.”

“All evening?”

“Yeah, pretty much. It’s a bridal trial, four bridesmaids and the mother of the groom.”

“Christ, rather you than me. Ok, how about friday? We’re going for drinks at the Duck - come on, don’t make me beg…”

“Er… I’ll have to check my diary…”

“That’s a yes! Any time after six, usual table - see you then!”

“Prongs, I said I’ll  _ check _ . Look, I have to go, I’m at college.”

“See you friday!”

“Bye - love to Lily!”

Sirius sighed as he hung up, entering his classroom. He smiled politely at his tutor and took his seat. He felt guilty about lying to James, of course, even though it wasn’t fully a lie - he really was busy with work, and beauty college, and setting up a new business. He  _ did  _ have free evenings, but those were taken up with-- *bzz**bzz* Sirius whipped out his phone again to check the message.

_ Looking forward to later ;) _

Hot and cold tingles washed over Sirius; a delicious shiver from the roots of his hair all the way down to his toenails.

James wouldn’t be able to understand that the rest of Sirius’s time for the past two weeks had been occupied by a certain lanky bassist with bad hair and the filthiest mouth.

Well. James probably would understand, because he was the most understanding person Sirius knew. He’d get the sex part, anyway. He  _ wouldn’t  _ get the ‘no strings’ part. In Prongs-land, no one could be truly happy unless they were settled down with their soulmate, on track for marriage, kids, and a nice house in the suburbs. 

It was one of the reasons Sirius had been feeling a bit low, he realised. He and James had always been on the same level - neck and neck for exam results, similar family backgrounds (if you pretended that the Blacks weren’t evil incarnate), same school - but now as they entered their mid-twenties, they seemed to have less and less in common. James lived with his girlfriend, they both had permanent full time jobs - he would probably propose to Lily at Christmas. Meanwhile, Sirius was still a student, working freelance and living with two very tidy, but quite loud lesbians. He was nowhere near being financially solvent, or buying his own flat, or getting married - and why should he be? Marlene wasn’t. Remus wasn’t. 

His casual relationship with Remus suited him right now. They saw each other when they had time, they had great sex, and neither of them demanded anything from the other. Sirius could barely get Remus to accept a cup of tea, most days. 

It was good. Ideal. Convenient. Life was so mad at the moment, what with liaising with contractors working on the salon, learning how invoicing worked and building up a client database - it was all very stressful. Remus relieved his stress, and never added to it, as Gideon used to.

Still, he did miss James, so he resolved to tell Remus he’d be busy on Friday night. 

Remus came over to his - he always did, Sirius had the distinct impression that Remus was embarrassed about where he lived. It made no odds to Sirius; only added to the convenience. They’d fallen into a satisfying rhythm - Remus was always very punctual, which Sirius liked a lot - he would arrive, and Sirius would get him a drink in the kitchen - usually a glass of water, but occasionally orange squash, if it was sugar-free - then they’d retreat to Sirius’s room (sometimes under the watchful and amused eye of Marlene, if she was in the living room), make some small talk, and then it was down to business; no muss no fuss. 

This Wednesday afternoon was no different. Afterwards, they lay on their backs in Sirius’s bed, catching their breath. Remus wasn’t always as quick to leave as he’d been the first time, unless he really did have somewhere to be. Sirius was learning not to push for information - if Remus was comfortable, then he’d stay for a bit of pillow talk, as long as it was nothing too personal. And they didn’t exactly cuddle, but they stayed tangled up for a while, all hot limbs and heavy breaths, and that was fantastic.

“You free Friday?” Sirius asked, throwing an arm over his face,

“Nah, sorry,” Remus replied, “Got plans.”

“Rehearsing?”

“Worse.  _ Socialising _ .” Remus mock-shuddered.

“You’re a performer, how can you be shy?”

“I don’t see what one has to do with the other.” Remus sat up and stretched. Sirius let his arm fall, to sneak a peek at Remus. He yawned like a cat, it was lovely. “Sorry,” Remus murmured, covering his mouth, “Slept badly last night. God, hope I’m not getting ill, that’s the last bloody thing I need…”

“Have a nap here, if you like.” Sirius said, “Marlene wants to go over colour schemes for the salon, so you can have the room to yourself.”

“Ha, don’t tempt me,” Remus smiled back at him. “Nah, better be off back to my own dingy flat.”

“Stay for dinner? We’ll get takeaway, d’you like Indian?”

“Remember what we said, Sirius…”

“Friends can have dinner! Marls is here, it’s hardly romantic.”

“Well...”

Sirius could see that Remus was weakening. He grinned, “I promise I have absolutely no regard for your feelings. This is purely about animal lust. And poppadoms.”

“Prick.” Remus laughed, “Oh, go on then, I’ve got sweet FA at home anyway.”

Much to Sirius’s amazement, Remus actually did take a nap in his bed. He just curled up right there and went to sleep as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Eyes closed, off his guard, Remus looked younger, and really quite tired. Maybe he  _ was  _ getting ill, he had heavy dark bags under his eyes, and the whorls of his ears were red. He looked pretty cute, though, wrapped up in Sirius’s duvet (a deep maroon one, today). Sirius almost wanted to stay and watch him, but he really did need to look at paint samples. 

Marlene and Sirius ended up at a stalemate between cool, calming cream and mint, or a bold and vibrant colour palette.

“The thing is,” Marlene sighed, twisting her long hair up and securing it with her pencil, “Whatever we do I’ll change my mind by next month.”

“Leave it til the last minute, then,” Sirius yawned. “Or we could just paint it whenever we’re bored.”

“What about hot pink?” She said, suddenly, throwing the whole system out of whack, “Or is that too 2007?”

“Only if you pair it with black.” Remus came through, yawning and rubbing the back of his head.

“Oh, hiya doll,” Marlene nodded at him, “Didn’t know you were still here. Is it dinner time?”

“Definitely.” Sirius said, clearing the paint samples off the coffee table. “Curry?”

“Ooh, sounds good,” Marlene smiled, then turned and knocked on the wall behind the settee, shouting, “Oi, Dor?! Curry?!”

“Be there now!” Dorcas yelled back from the next room.

They ordered from the local, and Sirius paid attention to Remus’s selection, because he realised he’d never seen him eat anything before, and had no idea of his likes or dislikes. He ordered chilli paneer and saag aloo.

“Are you a vegetarian, then?” Sirius asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Remus nodded, “Why?”

“No reason.”

It got a little bit awkward after that - for Sirius, anyway. He wasn’t sure what to talk about with Remus outside of the bedroom. Having Marlene around turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She did the interrogating so Sirius didn’t have to.

“ _ So _ , Remus,” she smirked at him like a cat who’d caught a mouse, “Tell us about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?” Remus asked, unflinching. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, the girls on the couch and Sirius in an armchair. He’d tried to offer Remus a seat, but the stubborn bastard refused. 

“Well,” Marlene mused, tearing up naan bread delicately, “Anything at all - Sirius tells us absolutely nothing, which is really not like him…”

Remus threw an amused glance at Sirius, who looked down, embarrassed. 

“My name’s Remus Lupin,” Remus said, “I’m from Glasgow, originally, but I’ve lived in England since I was a kid. I work in hospital administration. I play bass. I’m a pisces…”

“Are you in a proper band, or do you exclusively play for hospital-themed charity groups?” Marlene asked, cheekily. Remus chuckled,

“Depends how you define a ‘proper band’. We’re not signed or anything, but yeah, I’m in a band. EP coming out in a month, if it all goes smoothly.”

“Ooh, what are you called? Any gigs coming up?”

“Yeah, Friday after next at The Barfly. We’re called Full Moon, you can find us on facebook and all that social media crap.”

Sirius looked up at this, amazed. This was the most Remus had ever said about himself. About  _ anything. _

“Cool!” Marlene nodded, mopping up her tikka masala with the last of the naan, “Maybe me and Dor will come to see you. Are you good?”

“I think so.” Remus shrugged, “Frontman’s a bit of a knob, but that’s rock n roll for you.”

Marlene laughed. 

After they’d eaten, Remus got up to leave, promising to message Sirius the next time he was free. Sirius felt a sorry tug in his chest as he realised it might be a whole week, but as Remus was halfway out the door he called goodbye to Marlene and Dorcas, and said, “I’ll send you all an invite to the gig, be great if you can make it!”

It was a very general, very casual invitation, but it was something.

“I approve.” Dorcas said, tidying up all of the takeaway containers, piling them up onto a tray. “He’s a nice bloke.”

“Me too.” Marlene nodded, sagely. “A bit sarky, but I think I like it. Sirius, you may proceed.”

“Thanks for the assessment, ladies,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “But it’s just casual, we’re not looking for a relationship.”

“He’s here every day!”

“No he isn’t…”

“Every day you have free,” Marlene folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. “You’re hardly ever out of bed, these days.”

“A man has needs, Marls.”

“Eurgh, I don’t need details, thanks. Seriously, though, he’s really nice. Why not see where it goes? Why do you need to have rules?”

“They’re not rules exactly, we just decided early on that we’re too busy for boyfriends. Or girlfriends, I suppose, in his case. So it’s just a bit of fun.”

“Hmm.” Dorcas said, loudly from the kitchen, where she was sorting out the recycling.

“Hmm indeed.” Marlene nodded. 

* * *

By Friday evening, Sirius was knackered. His hands were cold and chapped from washing hair all week, his back ached from bending over old ladies’ sinks, and he barely had enough clean underwear to make it through the weekend. He wanted a quiet night in, but he’d promised James, and he had no proper excuses.

When they were at uni, and after they all first moved to Dalston, Friday night pub nights had been a no brainer. The whole crowd would go - James and Sirius, Lily, Marlene, Gid and Fab, Benjy… every Friday at six o’clock they’d be in the same booth without fail. They’d order in rounds, and the last man standing paid for taxis. It had been great; some of the best nights of Sirius’s life. But as they’d all started getting jobs and partners and new lives it just seemed harder to coordinate. They were growing up, and Sirius supposed that was natural. 

James was so excited to see him.

“He’s alive!” He yelled at the top of his lungs, standing up, arms outstretched. Everyone in the pub turned to look, and Sirius grinned, raising his own arms as he entered the bar,

“JAMES!”

“SIRIUS!”

“BEST BELOVED!”

“LIGHT OF MY LIFE!”

“SONG OF MY HEART!”

“I’VE MISSED YOU!”

“IT’S BEEN AGONY!”

Sirius reached the booth and they embraced over the table, Lily wheezing with laughter between them. “You two are ridiculous.” She said.

“It’s a point of pride.” Sirius replied, bending to kiss her cheek. “Who needs a drink, then?”

“Me.” James drained his glass in two gulps, and Lily and Marlene raised theirs.

“Better hurry,” Lily said, checking her watch, “Expecting some more people soon, so unless you want to get the whole round in…”

Sirius moved to the bar quickly, James following him. “So good to see you, mate,” he said earnestly, “What’s been going on?! Regale me with tales of your life, oh mysterious one.”

“Wake up, wash hair, cut hair, go to college, wash hair, cut hair, drink coffee, wash hair, cut hair…” Sirius shrugged, flagging down the barmaid. “Rinse and repeat. Literally.”

“Poor love,” James tutted, sympathetically. “Still, business is good, eh?”

“Oh yeah, I’m not complaining. How about you and Lils?”

“Not bad, same as ever. Oi, you should come over tonight, after - stay the night. We’ll do a full English for breakfast like the old days.”

“Yeah, go on then,” Sirius smiled, “Sounds really good.”

“Oh, er… Gideon and Fabian are probably going to pop in, later…”

“Great,” Sirius said, “Haven’t had a proper catch up with Fab in ages.”

He genuinely didn’t care that he’d be seeing Gideon. He hadn’t even thought about Gideon for ages. Remus Lupin seemed able to cure all ills. Life was good.

They returned to the table with their drinks and settled into the familiar old banter from school. After a pint, Sirius was feeling much less tired and much more enthusiastic about being out with his mates. James had been coaching a kids rugby team in his spare time, and Lily was looking into becoming a union rep at her hospital. They were considering repainting Sirius’s old bedroom and turning it into an office.

“We’ll keep the bed, obviously,” Lily said fast, “You’re still welcome to stay whenever you like.”

“If we ever see you again!” James said, dramatically, spilling a bit of his drink,  “Oi, Marls, can we have Padfoot back for at least one weekend?”

“Eh?” Marlene frowned, “Have him whenever you like, I'm not his keeper.”

“You're his boss,” James said. “You have to admit he's been working a lot lately.”

“She's not my  _ boss _ …” Sirius protested.

“He's been working as much as I have!” Marlene insisted.

“No free evenings in two weeks!” James said.

Marlene looked at Sirius and raised an eyebrow.  He ducked his head, bashfully, hoping she’d get the message, and said quickly, “I’m here now, aren’t I? Said I’d stay over tonight…”

Luckily, Dorcas arrived at that moment, followed quickly by Benjy and Fabian. “Gid’s in an Uber,” they explained, “He’ll be here in ten.”

Sirius steeled himself. In the commotion, while he waited for his next drink (courtesy of Fabian), he checked his phone. There was a message from Remus, which made his insides flutter. He really needed to get that under control.

_ Busy tonight? _ It read.  _ I’ve got this social thing, but I might be able to get away early.  _

Sirius smiled to himself, and quickly tapped out a response,  _ Don’t use me as an excuse for not having fun! Anyway, I’m busy tonight, sorry. _

For a split second he very seriously considered trying to get out of going to James and Lily’s - say he was tired, or something had come up last minute. He  _ really  _ wanted to see Remus. But that was the problem. He was getting too attached already; if he started blowing off his friends for a casual shag, then where was all this going to end up? It was a slippery slope. 

“Oi oi, sailor,” a voice purred in his ear, setting his hair on end, “What’s got you grinning like that?”

Sirius squirmed away from Gideon, who slid into the seat beside him. “Hi.” He replied, trying to sound cool, but probably coming off a bit rude. He slid his phone quickly into his pocket. It buzzed again - Remus had replied, but Sirius didn’t want to check it with his ex breathing down his neck. 

“Been a while,” Gideon said, “Haven’t seen you since you pulled your irish goodbye at that party.”

“Been busy.” Sirius shrugged. “How’ve you been?”

“Oh, y’know, same old same old.” Gid smiled. He had a great smile - he was incredibly friendly and disarming, it was the most attractive thing about him. That and the freckles on his shoulders. And the tuft of ginger hair just above his--

No. That slope was even more slippery.  _ Christ, _ Sirius thought as he took a gulp from the pint Fabian handed him _ , what was going on with him these days?!  _ Sex on the brain. He focussed on his drink - not that it had helped in the past, when it came to Gideon. 

“How’s the hairdresser thing going?” Gid asked, still lavishing all his attention on Sirius. Marlene, overhearing this, leaned over Sirius to say,

“We are  _ stylists _ , Prewett, don’t forget it!”

“Apologies,” Gideon smirked, “Still opening a place, then?”

“By the end of the summer.” Marlene smiled widely. “Want an appointment? You've been rocking the same haircut since year 9.”

“Up yours, McKinnon.” Gideon laughed, good naturedly. Sirius began to relax. They could all be friends, just like school - they were all mature adults, weren't they? 

His phone buzzed in his pocket again and he couldn’t resist. Two messages from Remus, now! He turned his body away from Gideon to shield the screen, tapping the notification eagerly.

_ That's a shame.  _ Remus had said, replying to Sirius's last message. _ Could have done with a quickie after the week I've had _

Sirius hoped he wasn't blushing as he read the next message,

_ And I'm not using you to get out of having fun! Are you saying we don't have fun? ;) _

Sirius bit his lip and typed a response.

_ Flatterer. Sorry you've had a bad week. Free tomorrow eve? _

He hit send, and felt his stomach flip over as the two ticks turned blue at once, and ‘Remus Lupin is typing…’ appeared. The reply arrived in seconds.

_ Yeah, should be. I'll come to yours at 6?  _

_ Perfect _

_ Perfect :) ok, I've been standing outside for 10 minutes now, I'd better go in and ‘have fun’. Wish me luck! _

_ Good luck! _

“Oi, stop being anti-social!” James flicked a beer mat at Sirius, “This is our big night out!”

“Sorry, sorry…” Sirius put his phone away and took a gulp of his pint. Marlene was still teasing Gideon, who was leaning back laughing, his eyes scrunched up. Fab and James were chatting with Dorcas about something sporty. Suddenly Lily stood up to wave at the door,

“Over here boys!” She called, beaming.

Sirius turned to look, and saw Kingsley emerging from the crowd, followed by somebody very tall in a denim jacket with terrible hair.

“Look who I found lurking outside,” Kingsley laughed, clapping Remus on the shoulder. Remus raised a hand in greeting, his eyes sweeping around the group. When he saw Sirius he blinked, surprised, but otherwise smiled politely.

“You lot don’t mind, do you?” Lily addressed the gathering, “I invited Kingsley and Remus from work - I thought the more the merrier!

Everyone agreed, and there was a bit of shuffling as they made room around the table for the new arrivals. Sirius didn't know where to look. James had never said anything about inviting Remus - had he known? Was this Lily trying to play matchmaker?

“All right, there?” Marlene whispered under her breath, raising an eyebrow at him. He nodded and drank some more.

Remus and Kingsley were being introduced around by Lily, who pointed to everyone in turn;

“...and that’s Gid and Fab, they went to school with James and Sirius - oh, and Marlene, sorry love… you both met Marlene and Dorcas at the gig, didn’t you? And of course, Sirius.” Her green eyes gleamed as she caught Sirius’s eye across the table. He tried to smile back. Ah. She  _ was  _ matchmaking. He was trapped between fond gratitude and mortified shock. It wasn’t her fault, of course - she had no idea that sirius and Remus had been seeing each other - every other day, almost - for two weeks.

Now that he thought about it, Sirius really wasn’t sure why she didn’t know. Lily and James were his best friends in the world, so why would he hide something like that? It wasn’t a big deal - just casual sex. It was 2019, for god’s sake. 

The thing was; James and Lily had been entirely devoted to each other since they were sixteen, practically an old married couple before they’d even started uni. Sirius had never minded that; he loved seeing James so happy, but it did mean that they had a very particular perspective on dating. They didn’t always get how complicated relationships could be.

Besides all this, it wasn’t fair on Remus, who was a private person - Sirius instinctively knew that Remus would hate the idea of his co-worker meddling in his love life. He’d made himself perfectly clear. Sirius shifted in his seat and tried to catch James’s eye. They needed to talk,  _ now _ . 

“I’ll get the next round in,” James said, standing up, as if by magic. “Kingsley, Remus - pint?”

“Yeah cheers mate,” Kingsley nodded, “IPA.”

“Just a coke, please.” Remus said, politely.

“Aw, go on, have a drink!” James cajoled. “Let your hair down!”

“It’s nothing personal,” Remus laughed, “I just don’t drink.”

“Oh no? How come?” James asked, interested. He didn’t mean to be rude, he was just used to blurting out whatever popped into his head. 

Remus took no offence, just shrugged lightly. “Never have. I was sick a lot as a child, and I’ve still got pretty poor immunity, I catch stuff like that,” he snapped the boney fingers on his left hand, “So it’s just safer to avoid anything poisonous. Except coke. Couldn’t live without coke.”

“Fair enough, mate,” James patted his shoulder, “Coke it is!” 

“I’ll come with you,” Sirius said, leaping up, climbing over Gideon and Kingsley to get out and join James at the bar.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Sirius hissed, “You never told me Lily invited  _ him _ !”

“I thought you liked Kingsley,” James smirked. Sirius kicked him in the shin,

“You know who I’m talking about! Remus!”

“Ah, yes,” James laughed, kicking him back playfully, “Well she wasn’t a hundred percent sure he’d come - he’s a bit of an introvert, apparently. I think she got Kingsley to bully him into it. Anyway, we were doing you a favour! Now you can get his number!”

“I s’pose…” Sirius glanced back at the table, wistfully. Remus was watching him, with that cool freshwater stare he had that made Sirius shiver. Gideon was watching him too, a look that Sirius well remembered. Christ. Talk about awkward. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve gone off him.” James said, nodding and smiling at the barmaid as she set down the drinks.

“No, it’s just… you know, we were keeping it casual, that’s all.”

“Just give it a chance!” James encouraged. He turned to Sirius and followed his eyeline, then grimaced, “Bit of a bugger to have Gid here, eh? Stay well clear of him, right? Here, how about you and I swap seats, then you can be next to --”

“Stop telling me what to do, Prongs!” Sirius snapped.

“I’m not! I’m just trying to help!”

“I don’t need any help!” He pushed away from the bar, huffing, and went to the gent’s. He didn’t need the loo, but he wanted a few minutes alone to collect himself. He was sure he must be bright red in the face. 

Fancy having a go at James. They never fought - not even when they were teens, and Sirius knew he’d been a right pain in the neck back then. He washed his face in the sink, then stared at himself in the mirror, the irritating buzz of strip lighting overhead making it hard to focus. His phone went off again, and he pulled it out. It was Remus.

_ Everything ok? Shall I go? _

_ No! Sorry, I’m being a drama queen. _

_ Wait there. _

Sirius did. Luckily there was no one at the urinals, or in any of the stalls, for now. In two seconds, Remus appeared through the swing doors, an amused half-smile on his face.

“So.” He said.

“Yeah.” Sirius smiled back, feeling less annoyed at once. “This is you socialising, eh?”

“I can’t believe I didn’t work it out, to be honest,” remus laughed, leaning casually against the hand dryer, arms folded, “When Kingsley mentioned Lily I thought it would be all work people.”

“Yeah, fair enough.”

“If this is awkward, I really don’t mind leaving…”

“I told you not to use me as an excuse!

“Touche,” Remus nodded, chuckling. He gave Sirius an appraising look. “So I’m guessing James and Lily don’t know that we…” he gestured vaguely between them with his hand.

“Er. Well they knew about the first time - I asked Lily for your number, remember? But I’ve not seen them much since, and er… look, the thing with Lily and James is that they want everyone paired up. If they knew we were seeing each other I’d never hear the end of it until we were engaged.”

Remus’s eyebrows shot up, alarmed, and Sirius cringed. What had he said  _ that  _ for?! “I just mean… er… not that we… um. Look…”

Remus shook his head, smirking again, “Calm down, I know what you meant. So you want to keep it quiet, then? I’m fine with that. You know how much I love being the mysterious stranger.”

“Ha,” Sirius said.

“So here’s what we do,” Remus said, straightening up, business like. “We’ll go back out there and pretend we’ve exchanged numbers. Then that’s Lily’s job done, right? Then, whenever you feel ready, you can just tell them the truth - that we’ve decided we’re better off as friends, because neither of us is looking for a relationship. Up to you if you want to tell them about the shagging, too.”

Sirius gaped. It would still invite questions, but he supposed it was better to be honest. 

“In the meantime,” Remus raised an eyebrow suggestively, “We can put on a convincing show for them. I’m not averse to a bit of flirting. If it won’t interfere with whatever’s going on between you and that ginger bloke?”

“Ugh,” Sirius pulled a face, “Ignore him. Gid’s just a mistake I keep making.”

“Well, we’ve all got those,” Remus laughed breezily. “Come on, let’s face the music.” He pushed the door open and jerked his head. Sirius followed him. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I only meant this to be 6 chapters long and I feel like it's barely even started!
> 
> WARNINGS  
> Mentions of long term illness, hospitalisation and medical procedures in this chapter. Also a flippant comment about suicide.
> 
> Always be kind to yourself first, and do not read if these things will upset you.

“Well, I usually cut my own hair,” Remus purred, squeezing Sirius's knee, leaning in, “But I could be persuaded.”

Sirius blinked, trying not to laugh. Remus was far too good at this fake flirting charade. He could practically feel Lily and James’s eyes on them, listening to every exaggerated word. 

Remus leaned in closer, and whispered very low, just for Sirius, “No way are you  _ ever _ touching my hair, so don't get any ideas.”

Sirius burst out laughing. Lily and James exchanged excited grins.

The rest of the evening went a lot smoother after their tactical discussion in the gent’s. Sirius did sit next to Remus, but only as an act of contrition towards James, who he felt bad about snapping at. All that had been swiftly forgotten, though, and Sirius had finally relaxed enough to have a good time. He stopped drinking, because Remus wasn’t, but after an hour or two of everyone else steadily growing louder and siller, he couldn’t help picking up a bit of a contact-high.

Despite all of Remus’s reservations about socialising, Sirius was pleased to see that he slotted seamlessly into their group. Perhaps because he already knew Kingsley and Lily - or perhaps because he was just enjoying the game of very theatrically seducing Sirius all over again. He wasn’t shy at all, his razor-sharp wit kept everyone laughing, and in fact Sirius found himself getting a little jealous. After having Remus all to himself for so many weeks, it felt weird to see James and Lily - and even the Prewetts - enjoying his company too. 

“Bloody starving!” Kingsley said around ten-thirty. “Pork scratchings, anyone?”

“Fancy some chips.” Dorcas said, and Marlene nodded enthusiastically.

“Kitchen’s closed,” Fab informed them, mournfully. “Another pint then a kebab?”

“Yeah, come back to ours!” Lily slurred, “We’ll get food on the way. Go on, we’ve still got a shit-tonne of beer in the fridge from the party.”

“Nice!” Gid grinned, never one to pass up a free drink. 

“Yeah, go on,” Marlene nodded, “I need to get up early tomorrow though, so we won’t stay late.”

“Kingsley? Remus?” Lily turned to them eagerly. 

Kingsley agreed - he wasn’t on call tonight. Remus looked at Sirius and raised an eyebrow, questioning.

“Er,” Sirius said, “I was planning to stay at theirs anyway, so…”

“Great. I’m in.” Remus grinned. Lily cheered heartily, and Sirius tried not to look too thrilled. He knew Remus was still just playing along, but he couldn’t help enjoying it a little bit too.

They stayed for another drink before leaving. James, Gid and Fab wanted to do shots, and Sirius went in with them. On top of the beers he’d had earlier it gave him a nice buzz, and the courage to see the rest of the night through.

“Seems like it’s going pretty well, eh?” James nudged him as they gathered at the bar. “He likes you!”

“You’re suddenly very confident in your understanding of queer courtship rituals.” Sirius returned dryly.

“After spending eight years at school with you, Gid and Marls I should bloody well think so.” James chortled. 

“Talking about me?” Gideon appeared between them, eyeing Sirius keenly.

“Not really.” Sirius said, tossing his hair and handing his card to the barmaid to pay for the shots.

“We were talking about Remus,” James said, oblivious as always to the tension, “Reckon he fancies Sirius.”

“Who?” Gideon said, his smile turning sour, “That scruffy scottish bloke? Looks straight.”

“He’s not.” Sirius snapped.

“Ooh, I say,” Gideon teased, “Have another drink, darling, you’re getting moody. I’m only calling it as I see it; he is scruffy. And scottish.” 

“He’s a funny fucker, though,” James put in, downing a shot of Jager. “And he plays a mean guitar.”

“Bass.” Sirius said, necking his own shot.

“I stand corrected,” James laughed. “So you  _ are _ getting to know each other…”

“I’m bored.” Gideon said, abruptly. “Come on, Potter, take me home - I’m gagging for a chicken donner.”

James laughed, drunk, and went to gather up everyone else. Sirius slipped past Gideon quickly, back to Remus, who was tapping away on his phone, frowning.

“Everything ok?” Sirius said, quietly - though the others were being too rowdy to notice. Remus looked up startled, and smoothed his brow, quickly putting his phone away.

“Yeah! Sorry, just getting hassle from our frontman. Told him to piss off.”

“Hassle about what?”

“Oh, boring stuff. Are we heading off?” 

The group walked back to Lily and James’s flat - which was only two streets away - very slowly, mostly because Marlene and Dorcas kept slowing everyone down by performing their usual song and dance routines. They stopped at the turkish kebab place on the corner, and Remus didn’t order anything, but Sirius bought a portion of chips and insisted they would share it.

At the apartment block they all piled into the lift like sardines, and Sirius ended up pressed against the cold chrome wall by Remus, who smiled at him apologetically. It was a strong reminder of the night they’d met, when Remus had blindsided him with that amazing snog, and now, with all of his friends crammed in beside them Sirius had to will his body not to respond the way it wanted to.

“Drinks, drinks, drinks!” Marlene and Fabian chanted as they tumbled into the flat, finally, making a beeline for the fridge.

“Oooh, I’m dying for a wee!” Dorcas hurried past to get to the bathroom, while Gideon, Benjy and James all tramped into the living room with their food.

“Call of Duty?” James shouted to the general flat.

“No!” Lily, Marlene and Dorcas shouted back.

“Stick some music on!” 

“Not too loud!”

“Oi, get YouTube up on the telly, I wanna show you something--”

“Not after the last thing you showed me!”

“I swear this one’s PG!”

“Lil? Can you bring in the ketchup?”

“On it!”

“Want a drink?” Sirius turned to Remus, bashfully. His friends were a nightmare when they got drunk, and being almost sober himself Sirius felt it more than usual.

“Whatever there is,” Remus shrugged, easy going. “Water’s fine.”

“Bloody martyr. They’ll have coke, but probably just diet.”

“That’ll do me.” Remus grinned. He watched Sirius go to the fridge and withdraw two cans. “Don’t let me stop you drinking.”

“It’s fine.” Sirius cracked one open and handed it to Remus. Remus accepted it, sipped, then nodded at the living room.

“In we go, then.”

“Right,” Sirius grabbed the chips from the counter. 

There was nowhere to sit, so they settled down on the floor, styrofoam box of limp, pasty kebab shop chips between them. Benjy was forcing everyone to watch a ‘bad lip-reading’ video that Sirius had seen before.

“Put some tunes on,” Dorcas whinged, guzzling her beer, legs in Marlene’s lap. They were taking up the whole couch.

“We’ve been here before,” Lily laughed, “No one can ever agree.”

“Oi, Remus, help us out,” Kingsley spoke up, “I swear, this kid knows more about obscure music genres than anyone I ever met - he’s a walking encyclopedia.”

“God,” Gideon drawled from an armchair, “I hate music snobs. What’s wrong with pop, eh?”

“Nothing at all,” Remus replied, looking Gideon directly in the eye and smiling pleasantly. “I love pop. I just like a lot of other stuff too,”

“Like that lovely song you played at the gig,” Marlene said - “Where you there, Gid? He was amazing, like a one-man band.”

“Yeah, how many instruments do you play, Remus?” James leaned in, interested.

“Um… well mostly bass. But also guitar, and a bit of drums. And I did cello for a while as a kid, and piano, but I wasn’t great. Er… castanets?! Harmonica…”

“Harmonica!” Gideon snorted, “Anyone can do that, don’t you just blow into them?”

“You’d think so,” Remus replied, sweetly, “But it’s actually all in the tongue.” He licked his lips lasciviously, and everybody burst out laughing - except Gid.

“Ignore him!” Fabian cackled at Remus, “Gid’s just cocky after a few pints, aren’t you bruv?”

They ended up sticking on some random playlist and mostly chatting over it. Kingsley and Remus started talking music, which lost Sirius a bit, but James and Lily were keen to catch up with him and hear all about how the business was going.

All the while, Remus’s phone kept buzzing away in his pocket - he seemed to get a message almost every three minutes. When he finally checked it, his face darkened and something seemed to change in him. He retreated back, biting his lip, rubbing his temple,

“You ok?” Sirius asked, concerned.

“Yeah, um…” Remus kept rubbing his forehead, still staring at the screen, scrolling through his messages, “Actually, I’m getting a bit of a headache… I’m going to take a tablet, I just need some water.” He stood up, abruptly and left the room.

Sirius chewed on a cold chip, wondering if he ought to do something. Then he caught Gideon watching him across the room, and he got up too.

In the kitchen, Remus was downing an entire pint glass of water in one go - his party trick, apparently. He saw Sirius and smiled weakly, stuffing a blister pack of pills into his back pocket.

“Sorry.” He said. “Too much excitement.”

“Is it your frontman sending you all those messages?” Sirius asked.

“Er… yeah, he can be a bit demanding. Big ego, you know.”

“Do you need to go? I can walk you home?”

“No, I’ll be fine in a minute, just needed a bit of quiet. Clear my head.”

“Ok.” Sirius felt a bit awkward. This was potentially the most personal conversation they had ever had. “Want to see my room?”

“Yeah.” Remus grinned, the mischief returning to his face.

Sirius’s room at Lily and James’s house was an odd mix of personalities. On the one hand it still contained lots of his school stuff - his old tie hanging on the doorknob, old textbooks and notebooks, photos of their class - on the other, there were a few signs of his life after school; a clothes rail with some of his more outrageous outfits from shortly after he came out, including - embarrassingly - a pink feather boa and a shocking amount of leopard print. All of his painting stuff from his aborted art degree, and some posters he’d thought were highly sophisticated at the time.

Plus Lily’s exercise bike and James’s ancient desktop PC, because after all, it was no longer really Sirius's room.

“Ah ha,” Remus said, peering at the nearest class picture blu-tac’d to the wall, “You went to a  _ boys  _ school - this explains so much…”

“Does it?”

“‘Fraid so, posh boy.” Remus poked his tongue out, still looking at the photos, “Hang on, I thought you went to school with Marlene?”

“I did.”

“Oh, I see!” Remus’s eyes widened, “Wow, I had no idea… ah, look at you in this one! So small!” He pointed to a photo from year seven. He and James grinning at the camera, arms around each other, all shaggy black hair and big eyes.

Sirius sat on the bed and watched Remus rifle through his memories. “...and Gideon. Or is this Fabian?” He pointed to another. 

“Gid.”

That was a photo from uni, when they’d all gone on a cheap boys holiday to Magaluf. He and Gideon in the pool, holding plastic looking cocktails and beaming. Probably pissed.

“How long were you two together?”

“Hard to say,” Sirius sighed. “Messy first relationship stuff. Never really started or ended.”

“Ah, yes. Familiar with that.” Remus turned around finally and went to sit on the bed next to him. “I like your rooms.”

“This one’s a bit of a jumble.”

“It’s very you.”

“Oh, cheers very much. How’s your head?”

“Much better.”

“Want to go back to the others?”

Remus raised an eyebrow, “No, not really.”

Sirius bit his lip. “Are you still pretending?”

“No,” Remus huffed a laugh, “I'm not pretending.”

“Thank god for that,” Sirius breathed, leaning in, finally. He felt like they’d been holding back for hours.

It was worth not drinking, and fake flirting all night, and even Gideon being a tosser, to have Remus Lupin crawling on top of him, pulling his shirt off and biting his neck.  _ What can I do to keep you _ , Sirius found himself thinking as he closed his eyes,  _ don’t you want this forever too? _

“Oi, Black, have you still got that trick-lighter we had at schoo-- oops, sorry…” 

Sirius’s eyes snapped open and he turned his head to see Gideon smirking in the doorway. 

“Fuck’s sake, Gid!” Sirius growled, flinging his shirt at the door.

“What? Didn’t know you were busy, did I?”

“Now you do.” Remus said, his voice surprisingly cold as he straddled Sirius and glared at Gideon. “So if you don’t mind…”

Something started vibrating against Sirius’s thigh which made him yelp. “Bugger…” Remus huffed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the screen, and his face darkened again. “Fuck.” he muttered, as the phone kept buzzing, “I’m going to have to take this. Be right back.”

He hopped off Sirius and pushed past Gideon, out into the hallway. Sirius could hear him hissing angrily to the caller;  _ “Look, I told you I’m busy, I can’t come running every time you…” _

Sirius sat up. Gideon was still smirking at him.

“Slag.” He said.

“Up yours.” Sirius replied. “Trick lighter from school? Could you be a bit more obvious?”

“What’s the attraction?” Gideon folded his arms, leaning in the doorway. “Is it like a Lady Chatterley thing, is he your Mellors? Or does he just have a massive--”

“Fuck  _ off _ , Gideon.” Sirius groaned. “I was having a lovely time until you showed up. Why does that always happen, eh?”

“We’ve had some lovely times. Thought we were still mates?”

Sirius got up to pick up his shirt from where he’d thrown it. He pulled it back on. “We are mates. But mates knock before entering.”

“Force of habit,” Gideon chuckled. “Look, I’m sorry, ok? I knew I’d been a bit of a dick and I wanted to apologise to him. Rrrreeemus.” He pronounced it in a silly comedy scottish accent, rolling the ‘r’ and elongating the ‘e’. Sirius tutted.

“Well, that’s big of you.”

“I know. So? Does he have a massive dick?”

“Enormous.” Remus said, appearing behind Gideon, “Just huge. It’s actually sort of difficult to walk sometimes.”

Sirius sniggered as Remus squeezed his way back into the room while Gideon gaped at him, crimson. If anything ever gave Sirius Black cause to fall madly in love with Remus Lupin - there it was.

“Sirius,” Remus said, looking him in the eye, as if Gideon wasn’t even there. “Can I ask a favour?” Behind the deadpan sarcasm, Sirius saw that he looked a little shaken, and his cheeks were pinker than usual.

“Of course, anything,” Sirius said at once, “What’s up?”

“I know it’s really cheeky, but do you think Lily and James would mind if I crashed here? Or if I stayed at your flat tonight? Just… something’s come up and I can’t go home right now.”

“Blimey, what happened?!”

“I’d rather not say.” Remus’s eyes flickered to Gideon subtly. “I can stay with a mate if it’s not convenient…”

“No! Don’t be stupid, of course you can stay, plenty of room…”

Remus smiled at him, looking relieved. “Thanks. I really owe you one.” His smile turned wicked, “In fact, I think I was about to give you one, wasn't I?” he turned to Gideon. “You can go, now.” And closed the door right in his face.

* * *

They stayed locked away all night, and never returned to the party. It was brilliant. Lily had whacked the heating up because she was always too cold, and the room felt almost tropical by the time they'd exhausted each other. When Sirius went to crack the window it was steamed up, which he found so incredibly sexy that he flung it open and went right back for more.

He ran out to the kitchen for water shortly after three in the morning and bumped into James making tea for Lily.

“You should have seen Kingsley's face when he realised where you'd gone!” He laughed, trying to keep to a whisper. 

“I didn’t mean it to happen!” Sirius whispered back, unable to stop grinning, “One thing just led to another…”

“Mm, yes, Marlene did mention something…” James raised an eyebrow, his eyes twinkling, “One thing seems to be leading to another pretty regularly, from what she says…”

“Ah,” Sirius faltered, scratching his head, “I meant to tell you…”

“What's with the secrecy, Padfoot?” James cocked his head. Typical - not annoyed, just  _ concerned _ . 

“I dunno.” Sirius sighed, deciding to be honest. “It’s just… It’s just  _ him _ . There's something about him, something… something I feel like I need to protect? I know how weird that sounds.”

James said nothing, only waited for him to elaborate. James was so safe, Sirius felt a swell of brotherly love for him.

“He wants to keep things simple and casual, and we do - but like… It's so good.”

“I know, I heard.” James winked. Sirius hit him with the dishcloth.

“Not  _ just _ that. I mean, yeah, that, but also… just everything else. Just sitting with him. Just talking about nothing.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Mm. But he's hung up on keeping it strictly no strings. Even though I  _ know _ he feels it too. I just know.”

“Oh Padfoot.” James put his hand on Sirius's shoulder. “Be careful, eh?”

“I will… look, I have to get back.”

“Bloody hell, you're insatiable!”

Sirius flicked water at him. “Go back to your girlfriend, Prongs.”

“Ok. Night. Love you!”

“You too.”

He half expected Remus to be asleep when he came back, but he wasn't. He was lying on the bed, naked, the cool night air from the window pouring over him, moonlight glowing on the fine silver scars that striped his torso. He turned and smiled at Sirius, reaching for the water.

“You've killed me.” He said, his voice slightly hoarse, “I’m going to be knackered for the rest of my life.”

“Somehow I find that hard to believe.” Sirius replied, handing him the glass. They both gulped down cold water in silence, then Sirius got back into bed.

“Were you talking to someone out there?”

“James.”

“Right. You've been friends forever, haven't you?”

“Since we were eleven. I don't know who I'd be if it wasn't for James, he's the most amazing person I know. Except for his folks too, maybe. They let me live with them after my parents kicked me out.”

“They kicked out out?!” Remus looked at him sharply, “Christ, I’m sorry, I didn't know that.”

This was a new sensation for Sirius. Everyone he knew already knew about his parents - most of them had been around when it all happened. There was something special about it, telling Remus. He could tell it the way he wanted to; without any of the embarrassment or shame attached.

“Yeah, when I was sixteen. Over the gay thing, obviously. But other stuff too - I was never exactly what they'd expected. And expectations were pretty high in my family.”

“I'm sorry. That’s awful.”

“It was a while ago, now. I'm doing ok without them. I've got the Potters.”

“I never had a friend like that.” Remus said, quite out of the blue. Sirius’s heartbeat picked up - was this it? Was Remus about to  _ actually _ open up?! He lay very still, barely daring to breathe incase it broke whatever spell had been cast.

“I didn't have many friends, really, I didn't go to school. I was in hospital a lot.”

“You mentioned something about that earlier…”

“Yeah, it's probably why I'm so weird. I was only ever around adults most of the time, so I s'pose I just didn't relate well to kids my own age. That's why I got so into music.”

“A way to relate.” Sirius said softly.

“Yeah,” Remus smiled at him.

“Do you mind me asking…?”

“What was wrong? Nah. It was a brain tumour in the end. But they weren't sure for a long time - they just knew I was sick. I used to throw up if I bent my neck forward, because the tumour was right at the base of my skull, right? Just here.”

Remus slipped his hand gently under Sirius's head, long fingers fanning through his hair. He tapped the nape of his neck, just where his hairline started.

“And if I bent my neck forward, it pressed on it. And I'd be sick, and faint or get really dizzy.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Yeah, but the worst part was that everyone assumed it was a gastric thing. So there were loads if pointless procedures. And voila,” he gestured wryly at his scarred torso, “They made me the Adonis I am today.”

Sirius reached out instinctively, laying his hand on Remus's body, “I think you're gorgeous.”

“Aw, cheers mate.” Remus poked his tongue out. “I wasn't fishing. Anyway, the tumour came out in the end, and I got one more massive ugly scar and the least rock n roll lifestyle ever. My immunity is shit, so no booze, no drugs. Sex is fine, thank god, or I might as well just top myself.”

“Don't say that.”

“You're really sweet, Sirius.” Remus laughed.

“You sound surprised!”

“I don't know why you're always so nice to me, that's all.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius frowned, “I really like you - I mean… I enjoy the time we spend together.”

“It has been fun.” Remus agreed. “But… look, you ought to know. It’s not always fun. I've been doing really well lately, haven't got ill in a while, or had any migraines or anything. But I  _ will _ get ill. I always do, and it's pretty miserable. No one would want to put up with it, least of all you with your business and your college… So we'll just enjoy it while it lasts, eh?”

“Remus…”

“I'm really tired, mate. Mind if we call it a night?”

“Yeah, of course. Goodnight,”

“Night.” Remus kissed his cheek sleepily and rolled over, pulling the duvet up over himself.

Sirius lay awake for some time afterwards, thinking and staring at the pale moon through the open window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I have only the vaguest idea where this is going, so apologies if it's a bit of a mess.


	7. Chapter 7

Remus's alarm woke them both far too early the next morning.

“Uuurgh,” Sirius groaned, hiding under the duvet.

“Sorry!” Remus fumbled on the bedside table to turn it off. “Shit, I'd better go.”

“It's Saturday!”

“Rehearsal. It’s important.”

“Oh yeah, you've got that gig coming up…” Sirius crawled from out of the covers, squinting in the daylight, “Breakfast?”

“I don't have long, I need to go back to mine and get all my band stuff, take a shower, get changed…” Remus was already out of bed, pulling on his jeans and stooping to find his socks.

“Shower here,” Sirius suggested. “I can make you something to eat on your way.”

“I dunno.” Remus straightened up, “I'm acutely aware that neither of us actually lives here…”

“Lily and James won't mind, I swear! Look, I'll go and ask, ok?”

“Ok… hey, Sirius?”

“Yeah?” Sirius was already halfway out of bed, grabbing a pair of jogging bottoms off the clothes dryer by the desk. Probably James's.

“Sorry about last night, I was really tired, I think I probably rambled a bit.”

“No, you didn't.” Sirius paused. “It was nice, hearing you talk.”

Remus gave him a quizzical look, then shook his head, grinning, “You’re a funny one, Sirius Black.”

Sirius didn’t know how to answer that, so he ducked out of the room bashfully. He still couldn't quite tell if Remus was making fun of him, sometimes, or just being his odd self.

Lily was in the kitchen, hair up in a high ponytail, pouring out a bowl of muesli. “Good morning, Casanova,” she poked her tongue out at him. “Didn’t expect to see you this early.”

“Remus’s alarm,” Sirius explained, “He has a rehearsal - ok if he hops in the shower?”

“I think he’d better,” Lily laughed. “If the racket going on last night was anything to go by then you could both use a thorough hosing down.”

“You’re filthier than Marlene sometimes, you know that Evans?”

“Flatterer. Muesli?”

“Dying for a coffee. Let me just tell him it’s safe to come out…”

Remus came over a bit shy when he saw Lily in the kitchen, apologising profusely for any disturbance and thanking her at least ten times for her hospitality before locking himself in the bathroom. She was smiling by the end of it and nudged Sirius with her toe,

“Be gentle with him, eh? He’s a sensitive soul.”

“And I’m not?” Sirius laughed, making coffee. “Where’s Prongs, anyway, got him tied to the bed?”

“Rugby,” Lily answered. “I’m going to pick him up around nine - do you two want a lift anywhere?”

“Remus might appreciate being dropped home - he’s worried he’ll be late for his practice.”

“I can take him there, if it’s not too far.” Lily smiled. “Then you can come with me to get James - he misses you, you know.”

“I miss him too.” Sirius poured out a cup of black coffee. “I take it he told you that Remus and I have been…”

“At it like rabbits? No, Marlene and Dorcas told us all last night. Christ, they were pissed, I thought we’d never get them off the couch.”

“Oh god, what did they say?!”

“Nothing too exciting, calm down Black. Gideon left pretty quickly, though.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously, “Hopefully he’s finally got the message, eh?”

“I thought you liked Gid.”

“I do. But he was a dick to you, and I like you more.”

“Aww, Evans, will you go out with me?”

“Finally, after all these years,” Lily laughed, kissing his cheek. “Ok, let me get changed and I’ll fire up Mavis.”

(‘Mavis’ was the name of Lily’s trusty and ancient Skoda she’d inherited from her grandmother. James and Sirius had been trying to get her to upgrade since uni, but Lily was adamant that the rust-bucket was perfectly serviceable).

Sirius returned to the bedroom to find something decent to wear and to wait for Remus. He fingered through some of his old clothes, but it was all a bit cringey; he’d never wear this stuff now. James’s shirts were all massive, so in the end he just put on his t-shirt from the night before. As he dressed, he was aware of Remus’s phone buzzing sporadically on the pillow.

It was rude to read other people’s messages. Nosey and invasive. But the phone was just _sitting_ there, and Sirius couldn’t help seeing the screen as it flashed, each buzz prompting a new bubble of text. The first one took him by surprise:

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT???!!!

The next few were even more furious:

THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU FUCK WITH MY HEAD LIKE THIS YOU----

YOU’RE OUT OF THE BAND!

FINE, GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FILTHY LITTLE PRICK

WHY AREN’T YOU HOME???!!

Sirius leaned over the pillow, staring in horror as the stream of vitriolic messages popped up one after another. Whoever was on the other end - ‘FG’ was all the ID said - was clearly losing their shit. No wonder Remus got an instant headache whenever he checked his phone. It was enough to make Sirius feel faintly sick.

“Oi.” Remus entered the room, wet hair, pink skin, damp shirt. “Oh,” he said, seeing what Sirius was looking at. “Still going, is he?”

“I didn’t mean to read it!” Sirius blabbered, “It just kept buzzing, so…”

“It’s fine.” Remus said, snatching his phone up and scrolling through the messages before shoving it deep into his pocket. “Really I’m just embarrassed for him. He’s being a dick.”

“That’s one word for it…” Sirius murmured, still feeling shaky. How dare anyone speak to Remus like that! “That’s your lead singer?”

“Yup. Like I said - big ego.”

“ Is he always like this? Is this why you didn’t want to go home last night?”

“He just lets his temper get away with him, that’s all. He has a lot going on, it’s not all his fault,” Remus sighed. He reached in his pockets again and withdrew his packet of pills. He popped two in his mouth and swallowed them dry without wincing. “It’s fine - not as bad as it sounds, I’ve known him forever.”

Sirius wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t know Remus well enough yet to argue about it. Remus seemed to sense his apprehension and smiled widely,

“Honestly, it’s _fine_! He’ll get over it. I really ought to go, though, I’m so late…”

“Lily said she’d drive you, if you want? We’re going to get James from the Rugby Club anyway.”

“Oh cheers! I’ll love you both forever.”

It was a flippant remark, and typically dry, but Sirius couldn’t help flushing with pleasure. As they prepared to leave, Remus glanced at the clothes rack in the corner, reached out and stroked a few of the garments, “What do I have to do to see you in a pvc mini-skirt?”

“How do you know it's mine?!” Sirius felt his cheeks go hot.

Remus raised a wry eyebrow. “Come on. It's hardly Lily's. Screams Sirius Black, to me. So?”

“I was a bit wild at uni,” Sirius laughed, “You'd have to buy me a very expensive dinner to get me back in that.”

“Ah well, lucky for you I'm skint.”

The three of them headed down the the car park in the lift, Lily standing between Remus and Sirius, grinning smugly. When they got to the car Remus climbed into the front passenger seat, and Sirius realised that if he’d wanted a proper goodbye snog then he’d missed his chance back in the bedroom.

“Right, Lupin m’love,” Lily sat, flicking on the radio and adjusting her wing-mirror, “I am your chauffeur. Where to first?”

“Oh, just drop me home and I’ll get the tube…”

“Nonsense! Not having you lugging your instruments all over London after the night you’ve had…”

“Evans!” Sirius groaned, hot with embarrassment. She winked at him in the rear-view. Fortunately, Remus seemed unfazed and began to direct Lily to his flat. It was only a five-or-so minute drive, and once there Remus bolted out the door and ran up to his tiny room to grab everything he needed.

“He’s so quiet at work,” Lily commented as she and Sirius waited, “Never comes to any of our evenings out or anything.”

“Well, he doesn’t drink. And he’s busy with his band.”

“He seriously needs a haircut.”

“I know. Don’t say anything, though.” Sirius had the idea that Remus didn’t like haircuts because of his scar. He’d pointed it out last night, but by touching the back of Sirius’s neck, rather than showing it on himself.

Remus was such a strange mix of personalities - he loved getting up on stage and playing music - even singing - but he cringed at the idea of sitting in a quiet pub with a group of people. He was unflinchingly casual about his sexuality and his conquests, and yet he kept other personal relationships at arms length. He was incredibly stubborn when it came to Sirius, but apparently allowed this ‘FG’ person treat him like an emotional punching bag.

“What’s up, chicken?” Lily looked over her shoulder at him.

“Oh, nothing. Just tired.” Sirius smiled brightly.

“Ahh, bless. We’ll stop at a Starbucks on the way.”

Remus came clattering out of the door at that moment, bass under one arm, enormous rucksack on his shoulder, amp in hand, and a pile of multicoloured cables and cords hanging off him like jungle vines. Sirius scrambled out of the car to offer him a hand and together they wrangled everything into the back seat. Remus ended up in the back seat too, squashed up against Sirius because there wasn’t much room. That was just fine.

“Next stop?” Lily called out,

“Bow Road, please!”

And away they went, Mavis the Skoda hiccupping and choking the entire journey. In Bow, Remus directed Lily down a series of winding streets to the back of an industrial estate beneath the railway arches. Vans and lorries unloaded exotic food from garages, and some teenagers hung about on bikes smoking and trying to look menacing.

“This is where you rehearse?” Sirius asked, uncertainly.

“Four times a week,” Remus grinned as they pulled up. “It’s cheap!” As he got out of the car, he squeezed Sirius’s hand, “I’ll text you.” He winked, before hoisting everything back onto his back and ambling towards an anonymous looking garage door.

Sirius wanted to watch him go in, see if anyone came out to meet him, but Lily was already pulling away, “Right then, Black,” she sang out, “Let’s get some coffee in you…”

* * *

Sirius knew that awaiting a text from Remus would be too much temptation, so he very deliberately turned off his phone for the rest of the morning. He also wanted to give James the attention he deserved - it wasn’t like them to spend so much time apart. Even when James and Lily had started properly going out, back in sixth form, Sirius had been invited on nearly every date.

“You need a haircut.” Sirius affectionately ruffled Potter’s mess of black hair, sticking up at all angles.

“I know,” James grinned, “I’m saving it up.”

“Eh?”

“Well I heard this new hipster place is opening at the end of the summer and I’m planning to be their first customer.”

“Shucks.” Sirius laughed, though he was secretly very pleased.

They went for brunch at one of their old hangouts, and James paid thank god. Sirius couldn’t remember the last time he’d spent money on such a luxury. Things were very tight while they sorted out the salon. He felt a pang of guilt when he remembered that Remus had a lot less than he did. That awful tiny bedsit.

“So.” James said, after his third glass of prosecco, “Remus Lupin. Soulmate material?”

“You know I don’t believe in all that--”

“He has potential.” Lily cut in, “They’re opposites. Opposites attract, don’t they darling,” she gave James a wink.

“I dunno about opposites, but he’s pretty different, yeah. I mean. I’ve never met anyone like him before.”

“Ahhh!” James cooed, fluttering his eyelashes and clasping his hands. Lily kicked him,

“Shut it, you. So what’s the problem, Sirius?”

“No problem,” Sirius shook his head, toying with his omelette.

“Yeah there is,” James said, rubbing his shin where Lily had kicked him, “He’s playing hard to get.”

“Didn’t seem too hard to get last night…”

“What Prongs means is that Remus isn’t looking for a relationship. And nor am I. Nor _was_ I…”

“Hmm.” Lily regarded him, her green eyes sharply focussed. She was thinking, which was always a concern to Sirius.

“What?” He asked, self-conscious.

“You need to tell him, babe.”

“Tell him what?”

“That’s you’re falling for him.”

“I’m not, I just like him!”

“Trust me.” Lily reached over and touched his hand, “You’re falling. Hard.”

“If I say anything it’ll scare him off.”

“That’s the risk,” she shrugged, “But what else are you going to do? Keep mooning over him like this?”

“No. Maybe.”

“Sometimes patience pays off,” James put in.

That was a jab at Lily - James had been obsessed with her since he was thirteen. She went to the local girl’s secondary, and the two schools often shared social evenings to encourage the students to mix. James had seen Lily across the dining hall at a crowded school disco, and had been smitten ever since. Lily had taken a bit longer to catch up.

This wasn’t exactly the same situation. For one thing, at least Sirius was secure in the knowledge that Remus actually did fancy him back. Or else he was a bloody good actor. So that wasn’t their problem. Suddenly Sirius had a terrible thought. Perhaps Remus _just_ fancied him? Perhaps the ‘liking’ part was only on Sirius’s side?! Remus had said Sirius was ‘sweet’, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything - maybe Remus didn’t like sweet things?!

“Fuck.” Sirius dropped his head into his hands, groaning.

Lily laughed and patted his shoulder, “There, there. Just talk to him!”

So that’s what he resolved to do. He would talk to Remus next time he saw him. He would say ‘Oi, Remus, I like you, let’s go out.’ and that would be it. Perfect. Easy. Simple.

Except, of course, Remus didn’t message him all day. Sirius eagerly switched his phone back on after brunch as they drove back to the flat, but there was nothing except a message from Marlene asking if he was free for a cut and dry the following Wednesday. Remus was probably still rehearsing, Sirius decided.

He spent the rest of the morning gaming with James, then went home in the early afternoon to finally shower and change. No messages, not one. _I'll text you_ Remus had said, Sirius was sure of it. Did that mean Sirius ought to wait for Remus to get in touch with him? Or was Sirius free to message him first?

He groaned to himself as he stared at his screen. Lily was right; he had to do something about this. He opened the chat. Their last messages had been in the pub. Sirius smiled as he remember what a pleasant surprise that had been - the joy he felt every time he saw Remus, like a puzzle piece being slotted into place. He liked that feeling a lot.

 _Hey!_ He typed, _Can't wait to see you again, how's tomorrow?_

He hit send. He smiled and flopped back on his bed. Next time he saw Remus, he would tell him everything.

Two minutes later, the message was marked read.

Five days later, Remus had not replied.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well. This took a turn.
> 
> Angry Remus! My favourite Remus!

****

“Knock knock!” Marlene sang out as she barged into Sirius’s bedroom, not waiting to be invited. “Bloody hell, you’re not  _ still  _ in bed? Come on, lazy bones, I’ve done three cuts and an eyebrow tint already.”

“It’s my day off,” Sirius grumbled, wriggling further under his duvet, the one with the stars.

“Yes, and you hardly get any of those, so why waste it?” Marlene jumped on his bed, clambering over to get in with him.

“Oi!” He tutted, “I’m not decent.”

“And I’m not interested,” she tutted, glancing down. “Nice pants, though.”

“What do you want?” He pulled the duvet up further.

“Just saying hello! You’ve been hiding in here all week, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I’m studying.” He fished down the side of the bed between the matress and the wall, and pulled out a factsheet on highlights. 

“Where’s Remus?”

“I dunno.”

“Ah ha.”

“Marlene…”

“Do we hate him now? I can tell Dorcas, and we can start hating him.”

He laughed, despite his bad mood. He was really very grateful for his friends. “No, you don’t have to hate him. I think he’s just busy this week. We’re casual, remember.”

“Didn’t feel casual last week. Dor had to get earplugs.” She chuckled, then rested her head on his shoulder and gave him a little hug, “Poor Sirius. He really seemed to like you, maybe he is really busy. Doesn’t he have that gig coming up?”

“Yeah, on Friday.”

“Well, there you go then. He’s a massive music nerd, he’s probably just been too focussed on that. He sent us the invite on facebook, he wouldn’t do that if he didn’t want us there.”

“That’s true…” Sirius chewed his lip, “Are you still going, then?”

“If you want to, I’m free.”

“You’re the best, Marls.”

“I know,” she jabbed him in the ribs, “Now get up, you lazy sod!”

He did get up, feeling slightly better about the whole thing. He hated not knowing what was going on with Remus, or whether or not he was even allowed to ask. They’d felt like such a unit the last time they’d seen each other, Sirius couldn’t imagine what had made Remus suddenly run cold.

He wondered if Remus had got sick. Sirius didn’t really know the details of Remus’s health problems, but he understood that they were grave enough to put Remus out of action for a while, maybe even hospitalise him. That was the worst possible scenario, Sirius decided. He would rather Remus had dumped him than got sick.

Anyway, it didn’t seem like anything bad had happened - Lily called Sirius on Wednesday to ask if he was going to the gig, “I saw Remus in the canteen at work today and he asked if you were coming,” she said, “Why didn’t he just ask you?”

“My phone’s been weird.” Sirius said. “You saw him today?”

“Yeah, what’s going on with his face?”

“His face?”

“Yeah he had a--- oh shit, sorry love! Getting another call, it’s a patient. See you Friday!”

So Sirius never found out what was different about Remus’s face, but at least he knew he was working, and therefore not too sick to  _ just fucking text Sirius back _ .

He would go to the gig, then, if that was the only way.

He didn’t really use facebook much - too many people from school on it - but over the next couple of days Sirius was glued to the events page for Full Moon’s gig at the Aldgate Arms. 

There were a few comments and notifications on the page. Mostly advertising Happy Hour in the pub, or cheap tickets if you arrived before 7pm. Nothing from Remus, which wasn’t really a surprise. A few messages from people who obviously followed the band; 

“YES LADS! CANNOT FUCKING WAIT”

“GONNA GET MESSY!!!”

“Love you all! Hope you play Love Bite, my fav song!”

There was a series of fancy black and white publicity photos of the whole band on there too - the lead singer was older than Remus by quite a long way, at least in his late thirties. He was big, too, and had a menacing face. Though that might have been just an image thing, they all looked a bit aggressive. The drummer was pudgy and fair haired, balding a bit but young, and the guitarist was a young woman with a shaved head, angular cheekbones and wicked eyes. 

Remus lurked in the back of most of the images, and wasn’t staring directly at the camera in any of them, instead looking down at his bass, or - in its absence - looking out of frame. Typically evasive. 

With each day, Sirius’s agitation grew.

Sirius did not like being ignored. He’d had enough of it growing up, and he didn’t stand for it as an adult. The thing to do, he decided, was to  _ make _ himself seen. That was something he’d tried as a child and found effective - granted, the attention he received was rarely positive and often painful, but it was better than feeling invisible. 

“I ought to show up in the PVC mini skirt.” He said to James, in a moment of frustration. “Stand in the front row.” 

He’d gone over to get ready before the gig.

“Mm,” James replied, watching him warily from the couch. He would not be getting changed until the very last minute. “You  _ could  _ do that, mate, yeah…”

“But?” Sirius snapped, pacing the carpet.

“Well,” James swallowed, reasoning diplomatically, “It’s all about visualising your goals. What do you want to get out of tonight, and how will a PVC mini skirt help you achieve it?”

“Fine, point taken.”

“Anyway,” James said, “You don't have time to shave your legs.”

“You’re probably against the feather boa idea too, eh?”

“Well. It’s hardly subtle.”

“I don’t want to be subtle! I want to be noticed!”

James removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing. “Padfoot, you are my very best friend, and it really, really pains me to say this to you…” James’s mouth twisted mischievously, “But  people notice you. You’re… quite good looking..”

“ _ Prongs _ ,” Sirius grinned, throwing himself onto the couch and leaning over James, “You flirt! What if Lily heard you? Go on then, one snog, while we’re alone...”

“Gerroff!” James spluttered with laughter, pushing Sirius off as he pursed his lips in a ridiculous kissy face. 

“But you think I’m good looking!” Sirius teased, climbing on top of him, battling James’s kicks,

“I’m not snogging you!”

“You did beforrrrre…”

“Spin the bottle and birthdays, those are the rules.”

“But I’m saaaaad…” Sirius wailed, clinging on to him, “Go on, cheer me up.”

“You’re like a dog sometimes,”

“How rude, I haven’t humped your leg in years.”

“What on earth is going on in here?” Lily came through grinning, finding James and Sirius tangled up on the couch, still half-wrestling. 

“James says he fancies me.” Sirius answered promptly.

“Oh, what else is new?” she blew upwards, making her fringe flutter, “Can one of you help me choose a dress?”

“How about a PVC mini skirt?” James grinned.

* * *

In the end Sirius went with ripped black jeans (the very tightest he owned, because he was being  _ subtle _ , not  _ boring _ ) and a grey-blue vest top that showed off his tattoos. He wondered if Remus put as much thought into planning his outfits. Probably not, probably just threw on whatever beige, brown and green combo he had to hand, and somehow managed to look utterly perfect.

He couldn’t wait to leave, but also didn’t want to arrive too early. Full Moon’s set wasn’t until 10pm. They went to the pub up the road first to meet Marlene and Dorcas, and for some dutch courage. 

“What sort of music do they play?” Dorcas asked.

Everyone looked at each other, blankly.

“Er… rock… music…?” James tried, scratching his head. “Sirius? Do you know?”

“He never actually mentioned…” Sirius looked down at his drink, embarrassed.

“Well,” Lily said, briskly, “It’ll be a nice surprise.”

Sirius felt strange. He knocked back his drink fast. He ought to have  _ asked  _ Remus that. He ought to have clicked on one of the links on the facebook page instead of spending hours staring at pictures of Remus’s long white neck and nimble fingers. No wonder Remus had stopped talking to him - probably sick of Sirius never thinking about anyone but himself.

“Calm down, mate,” James murmured privately, seeing Sirius leg jiggling, “If it all goes wrong just give me the signal and we’ll leave.”

“It’s fine,” Sirius shook his head.

He had a few more drinks after that, confident the buzz would wear off once he finally saw Remus. He didn’t want to get  _ drunk _ , anyway, just confident enough to be charming. He still wasn’t sure how Remus would receive him - what if the radio silence had actually just been a message to back off?

By nine-thirty Sirius couldn’t take it any more and they made their way up the road to the Aldgate Arms, where loud music was already blaring out of the open doors and windows and smokers were standing out on the hot pavement with their pints, chatting and laughing.

And Remus Lupin, alone, separate, sitting perched on the windowsill, skinny frame bent over a piece of paper he was scribbling on. 

“Remus!” Lily bounced over to him, tipsy and excitable. Remus looked up, alarmed by the intrusion, but smiled when he saw her. He looked tired, the rings under his eyes were even darker than usual, and he had a pale, pinched look about his face. There was a huge bruise on his cheek, deep purple and golden yellow.

“Hello, you lot,” he said, eyes brushing lightly over all of them, “I can’t believe you're all here.”

“Of course, wouldn't miss it!” Marlene said.

“After everything I put you through with the Flu Fighters!” Lily laughed. He laughed politely.

“Thank you for coming,”  He said it to all of them, but he was looking at Sirius.

“Right!” James said suddenly, “Shall we go in and find a good spot, girls? My round!”

Sirius had never been so grateful to know James Potter as he herded the gaggle of merry and noisy young women inside, away from Remus. 

They looked at each other for a minute. Remus folded up the paper he’d been writing on - a set list, maybe - into tiny squares. Was he nervous?

“Hi.” Sirius said, just to break the ice.

“Hello,” Remus replied, a small smile playing on his lips, “You came.”

“Yeah I said I would.”

“You look incredible,” Remus’s eyes glowed for a moment, and Sirius really felt he was being genuine. “Sit down, eh?” Remus patted the window ledge, “I’m just having a breather - it’s baking in there. Too loud to think.”

Sirius sat down beside him, not too close. “Really nice of you to come.” Remus reiterated.

“Yeah… I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t message you, like I said I would. I meant to. I did mean to. Things got… on top of me.”

“I would have understood if you were busy rehearsing,” Sirius said. “When you didn’t text back I thought maybe you were sick - but then Lily said she saw you at work…”

“Mm, I’ve not been sick. Been going pretty hard though, probably due for something to breakdown.”

“What happened to your face?”

“Oh, this?” Remus raised his fingers to the bruise, touching the skin very lightly, as if it was still tender, he laughed humourlessly, “Would you believe I walked right into a bloody lamp post?”

Sirius frowned. He didn’t believe it.

“Look, Sirius, I wanted to say something to you,” Remus started. He was looking down, his soft blond lashes brushing his cheeks, “I need to tell you--”

“Oi, Lupin.” A gruff voice from behind them. They both turned. A large man with long dark shaggy hair and a mean face was standing in the doorway, “Green room. Now.” 

It was the lead singer.

“Gotta go,” Remus gave Sirius an apologetic smile and hopped off the window ledge, “See you after?”

The larger man had his arm up on the doorframe, and Remus had to duck underneath it to get by. The man sneered at him as he did, then gave Sirius the same dirty look before withdrawing himself.

It felt wrong, all of it. Sirius didn't know what to do. Or what to think. Clearly he needed to hear what Remus had to say, and  _ clearly  _ he couldn’t leave Remus there with that awful man. He resolved not to drink anymore, he wanted to sober up. He went inside quickly, just as the previous band were finishing up.

“All right?” James found him and handed him a beer.

“I think I'll get something soft,” Sirius raised his palm to refuse it. 

James didn't mind being double parked, and waited for Sirius to get back from the bar. When he did, they watched Full Moon's frontman stalk onto the stage and mutter something menacing to the other band, clearly telling them to get a move on. They all went at double time, and Sirius didn't blame them; he was totally unnerving.

Shortly, the rest of the members of Full Moon came on, and the crowd began to cheer. Remus didn't look up, he just went to stand in his place, fiddling with the frets on his instrument. The room had really filled up, there were obviously a lot of people who had come specifically to see them, not the other acts. The lights changed, the stage flooded icy blue and silver, and the dominating frontman good centre stage.

The drums began almost at once, and then the bass and the guitar and the lead singer roared into the mic. They were  _ loud _ , Sirius thought he could practically feel the sound, like a wall of noise - of rage. He thought it was good. He was no real judge, but anything that slammed you in your gut like that had to be good art.

“That fucking bassist, man,” someone shouted to his friend behind Sirius, “Fucking legendary!”

“I know!” The friend yelled back, “Insane!”

Sirius wished he knew anything at all about playing bass, or listening to bass, because he wanted to hear it too, how good Remus was. He would learn, he told himself, he would put in the effort.

As the set played on, he relaxed into it a bit more, and actually began to enjoy himself. The audience were loving it, people flung themself about and raised their arms and even yelled along to the choruses. And despite his earlier reservedness, Remus was clearly having a fantastic time - he wasn't throwing himself about the stage or anything, nothing so extroverted. But his whole posture had changed, loose and comfortable. He moved subtly in time with the beat, head bobbing, and when his curls fell out of his face Sirius could see him smiling secretively to himself. 

It was no good. He was still hopelessly and deeply attracted to Remus Lupin.

When the last song crashed to a close, the crowd screamed out for an encore, stamping their feet and chanting.

“That's your lot!” the frontman laughed, a resounding growl.

“Blimey,” James slapped Sirius on the shoulder, “Who'd have thought Remus had all that in him?”

“It was great, wasn't it?”

James grinned and squeezed his shoulder, “I'm gonna go and find Lily, you ok here?”

“Yeah, you go, I'll catch up with you.” Sirius was already watching the stage again, trying to keep track of Remus, who was gathering up his pedals and his cables.

Sirius approached the stage edge, and just stood there watching for a bit. Remus's face was flushed pink, and he still had a small smile behind the look of intense concentration as he neatly coiled cables up into perfect loops. Soon, he looked up and saw Sirius. His smile widened and he came over. Sweat dripped from the dark ends of his curls, and Sirius tried not to swoon.

“What did you think?” Remus asked, his voice almost shy.

“Brilliant,” Sirius replied, “Never heard anything like that.”

Remus laughed, “We really need to broaden your music taste, if that's true. Will you hang about a bit? I still want to talk to you, if I can?”

“Yeah, of course!”

They agreed to meet at the bar, so Sirius went to find James. They were there for a while, waiting. They were all having a good time, the others were drinking and Sirius sipping a lime soda, but after half an hour, he started to get a bit worried. He looked around the pub and couldn't see anyone from Full Moon - had they left? Surely not! 

He left his friends, pretending to be heading for the loos, going instead to look for the green room. He entered a door behind the stage, no one tried to stop him. He found himself in a grimy corridor that smelled of sweat, stale beer and old carpet. At the end, under flickering strip lighting, was Remus, pleading with a very annoyed looking man with a greasy ponytail.

“Please, I swear we'll come back  _ first thing _ tomorrow, just lock it in your office,  _ please _ ?”

“For the last time, no.” The man said, “Now get it all out of here or I'll get the bouncer to do it.” He turned and went into a little office, slamming the door shut.

Remus kicked the door and swore. Sirius walked towards him quickly,

“Remus? What's going on, are you ok?”

“Sirius?! What are you doing here?” Remus stared at him, desperation shining in his eyes.

“I came looking when you didn't… what's wrong?”

“They fucking left me here with all the gear,” Remus muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets and kicking the wall now.

“Hey, stop it!” Sirius touched his arm, “How can I help? What do you need?”

“I can't leave it all here or it'll get nicked, and I can't lug it all home by myself, it's two stops away and I couldn't carry it all, there’s guitars and amps and cymbals…” Remus kicked the door one last time. “And this  _ PRICK, _ ” (he shouted that at the top of his voice) “Won't let me lock it in his office for one stupid night! After we sold out his grotty little pub for him!”

“Ok, come on,” Sirius pulled him away from the office door before the bouncers really did show up, “Come on, we'll sort this out, what about a taxi?”

“I haven't got any money.” Remus snapped. “Fucking Fenrir took the band cash.”

“Your singer? Where did he go?” Sirius asked nervously, worried the burley frontman might suddenly appear out of the shadows.

“Off somewhere, a club or something. I don't drink, so…”

“They just left you?!”

“It's fine, I don't think they realised what the situation was.”

“I'm going to get a taxi.” Sirius said, pulling out his phone, “Where do we need to take it?”

“Sirius, I can't pay you back until at least next month.”

“So you'll owe me. Whatever, it's fine. Come on, where?”

“My place, I suppose.” He heaved a sigh. “I reckon they can pick it up before the next rehearsal.”

“Ok, let's get started.”

It took three trips from the green room to the pavement outside, because someone had to wait in the street with all the stuff. Luckily James caught them on the first trip, and offered to help with the rest while Remus waited for the taxi. Prongs even helped load it all in, and wanted to come with them to unload on the other side,

“All right, muscles, at ease,” Sirius said, “We can take it from here - go and explain to the girls?”

“Call me so I know you're ok.” James said, as he watched them get into the car.

“I will!” Sirius promised.

Once the door shut, it was very quiet. Remus was still in a dreadful mood, and Sirius supposed he didn't blame him. He hated the band. How could they do that?

“You didn't have to do all this.” Remus said, finally. “But thank you.”

“I'm just helping a friend,” Sirius smiled over the guitar propped up between them.

“James is so nice. You all are.”

Sirius didn’t know how to reply to that. In the yellow flashes from the passing streetlights he kept glimpsing Remus’s bruise. He wondered again what had happened, and hoped it wasn’t exactly what it looked like. He realised how little he really knew about him, and how desperately he wanted to know more.

It didn't take long to get to Remus's, but it took ages to get everything upstairs, and once they did it was like a 3D game of Tetris trying to slot all of it into his tiny space. That done, Remus offered him a glass of water.

“Sorry I don’t have anything else in… I might have some tea bags but no milk. Er. I haven’t been home much.” Remus rubbed the back of his head as he peered inside his fridge.

“That’s fine,” Sirius said. 

Remus poured out two glasses of water while Sirius fired off a text to James, then they stood awkwardly in the middle of the room - mostly because that was the only floor space left not taken up by musical equipment. 

“You don’t have to stay,” Remus said, apologetically, climbing over the bed to crack open the window, letting some air in, “It’s all a bit grim here.”

“Do you want me to go? I thought we were going to, um. Talk?”

“Shit, yeah, sorry,” Remus blinked at him, sitting cross legged on his pillow. He rubbed his temples and fished inside his trouser pocket for his packet of pills. He took two.

“We can leave it,” Sirius said, quickly, “If you’re not feeling…”

“I’m fine!” Remus said, “Sorry, it all just got a bit mad, there. I told you I can be difficult.”

“You aren’t difficult.” Sirius said, automatically. He went to sit on the bed too, at the end, in case Remus asked him to leave after all,

“I am,” Remus sighed, still rubbing his head, “I get myself in these situations… anyway. You don’t want to hear about that. So, this week - I lost my phone, right--”

“You did?” Sirius said, surprised. Ah! That made so much more sense! He was relieved; this meant Remus hadn’t been deliberately ignoring him.

“Yeah, so sorry if I missed anything from you… er. Probably best not to use that number again, ok?”

“Ok, sure.” 

Silence again. Remus wasn’t looking at him, his eyes kept darting around. He looked tired, jittery and wound up. Sirius finally spoke,

“Is that all?”

“I just wanted to explain why I hadn’t been in touch.” Remus said. 

He took another gulp of water, and stretched out his long skinny legs on the bed, so that his toes touched Sirius’s thigh, “Between losing my phone and rehearsals running late every night, plus work, I probably wouldn’t have been able to see you anyway, but I didn’t want you to think I’d gone off you, or anything.”

“You sound like you’ve had a rough week,” Sirius said, sympathetically. He couldn’t help looking at Remus’s bruise again, but he didn’t say anything about it. He tentatively touched Remus’s leg - just his calf, in a soothing gesture, which could mean anything Remus wanted it to.

“Yeah, I s’pose,” Remus sighed, rubbing his face again, scratching his head. He was so fidgety, he wouldn’t stay still. Sirius wanted to hug him.

“Are you having a break this weekend, at least?”

“Yeah, they’ll all be too hungover tomorrow to practice,” Remus said ruefully, now scratching behind his ear agitatedly. “I ought to put in an hour or so, though, I almost mucked up the chords tonight, missed the beat.”

“You sounded great to me.” Sirius rubbed his knee now, vaguely aware that his hand was travelling upwards. 

Remus stilled, glancing down at it. He finally smiled - or rather smirked, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, lowering his voice and leaning over conspiratorially, “It was like the first time I saw you performing. You’re really… um… engaging.”

“ _ Engaging _ ,” Remus repeated, amused, “That’s one I haven’t heard before. Come here,”

Sirius crawled forward, into Remus’s lap. They kissed, Remus’s hands creeping up under Sirius’s hair again, lithe fingers stroking small circles in his scalp which made Sirius whimper,

“How are you feeling?” Sirius whispered as they pulled apart, conscious that Remus had been taking painkillers only moments before.

“Getting there,” Remus whispered back, moving down to kiss Sirius’s neck, nipping lightly at the skin, “Stay here?”

“Mmm…” Sirius agreed, and gave up on thinking for the next few hours.

The sex was as good as ever - maybe with a bit more of an edge because it had been a week since the last time, and because Remus was so wound up from his gig and the fight with the pub owner. He was rougher than he’d been before, more eager to take control, more demanding. Sirius found he didn’t mind - in fact he rather liked it. He obeyed every order and basked in every groan of satisfaction. 

In the euphoric haze that followed Sirius thought he could see stars as he stared dazed up at the cracked and stained ceiling, feeling the hot July air ooze in through the open window. He closed his eyes, allowing his breathing to slow down, his heart to stop pounding. 

“You ok?” Remus’s soft voice broke in, no longer severe and instructive, but kind and concerned.

“Mm.” Sirius nodded, smiling. He opened his eyes. Remus was smiling back, propped up on an elbow watching him. He ran his finger from Sirius’s throat down to his belly, following a trail of sweat cross his skin. Sirius shivered, delighted.

“That’s my good boy,” Remus murmured, lying back and closing his eyes too.

The room grew calm around them, despite the friday night drunks yelling outside, and the smell of fried chicken from the shop below. Sirius finished the rest of his water, and turned into Remus’s body. He slung an arm across him, and Remus didn’t seem to object, so Sirius rested his head on his shoulder too. Bliss.

“I missed you, this week.” Sirius said, sleepily.

Remus stroked his hair fondly, “Stop being such a sweetheart, I'll get used to it.”

“No, I mean I really did,” Sirius insisted, “It was awful not knowing what you were up to, not talking to you. I thought about you a lot.”

“Sirius…” Remus stiffened.

“Did you… did you think about me?” 

Remus pushed his arm off and moved to sit up, swinging his legs off the bed.

Sirius sat up too, and put a hand on his arm to try and keep him there. It was now or never; he had to know - he couldn’t bear to get in any deeper without being sure. 

“What are we doing? What am I, to you?”

“Sirius, it's one in the morning, what the fuck?” Remus sighed heavily, rubbing his face, looking harassed.

“Please, I don't mean to be dramatic about it or anything, I just want to know... We have such a good time together - I do, at least.”

“Yeah,” Remus said, still tight lipped. “We did say, though, didn’t we? We agreed to keep it casual.” 

“We did,” Sirius said, “I know we did, and I’m sorry, but… I can’t help liking you.” Sirius muttered, looking down. He felt silly and childish, like he was in the playground begging for another kid to be his friend.

“I know.” Remus sighed. “Look, you don’t have to be sorry, I know it’s… I like you too, all right? More than I thought I would, in the beginning.”

Sirius looked up at him, hopeful. “You do?”

“Yes, I’m not going to pretend.” Remus nodded, “But I have rules about relationships, and I have them for a reason. Things are so mad for me right now - especially with the band taking off, and bloody Fenrir, and my health. I can’t add a boyfriend into the mix, it’s just too many things to juggle. And - this isn’t personal, ok? But I’ve been let down before.” Remus’s eyes dropped, and his voice faltered a moment. He continued quietly, “It nearly ruined me, I can’t afford to have that happen again.”

“So you’re never going to have a relationship, ever?”

“Not never. Just not now. Not until I know I can do it without everything else falling apart.”

“It wouldn’t all be on you, you know.” Sirius said, thinking of Lily and James, “It’s not about holding everything together, it’s about being a team.”

Remus looked up at him, sadly and smiled, “That’s really lovely. And I really want that one day. Right now I don’t know how.”

“But you can’t just… avoid pain forever. No one can.”

“Yes, I’m very well aware of that!” Remus snapped, his tone changing so suddenly and so completely it shocked Sirius. 

Remus tutted and got up, quickly, “Be right back.”

He went into the bathroom. Sirius drew up his knees and wrapped his arms around them. Had he made a mistake? Was it all over? He heard the toilet flush and the taps running. He wondered if he ought to get up and start to leave. Everything had been so simple a few minutes ago; they’d felt so connected. Now Remus was back to being a prickly stranger.

Sirius wanted to call James, ask him what to do. He was no good at working this stuff out for himself, he needed his friends to help him. Remus would hate that, he knew it for certain. 

The rickety little wooden door opened, and Remus came out. He was still naked, and returned to the bed, sitting down. He was’t angry any more.

“I’m sorry.” He said, steadily, staring ahead. “That was rude of me, when you’ve been nothing but kind. I wish I could repay everything you’ve done for me tonight.”

“I didn’t expect anything,” Sirius said, “I hope you don’t think…”

“No, no I don’t,” Remus shook his head quickly, laying a hand on Sirius’s arm to reassure him, “I think you’re just a lovely person. You just see the best in people, don’t you?”

Sirius had no reply. He wasn’t sure it was true, he’d always thought he was a selfish, annoying kind of person. Gid had forever been telling him to ‘calm down’, or ‘chill out’ and ‘get over it’. 

“You’re quite a lucky person, too,” Remus said, his voice measured, as if he had rehearsed this. “I would never tell anyone they’ve had an easy life, and everyone has struggles, of course… but you have had quite a lot of good fortune.”

Sirius was about to protest - he’d been kicked out at sixteen! His family were almost entirely psychopaths and sycophants! Gid had cheated on him all the time! 

Then he took another look at the room they were in. At Remus’s threadbare clothes strewn on the floor, his surgical scars, the bruise on his cheek. 

“Right.” Sirius nodded, quietly, biting his tongue.

“I’m not having a go at you,” Remus said, anxiously, twisting his hands in his lap, “I’m just trying to explain why we might see things a bit differently. You’ve got all those amazing friends, and your nice flat and your business… I’ve just got the band and my shitty job. And a bunch of other crap I don’t feel like talking about, right now.  It’s hard for me to see the best in people.”

“I understand,” Sirius said. He didn’t, but he wanted to, he wanted to  _ so  _ badly.

“So…” Remus heaved a deep breath, as if preparing to say something enormous. He turned and looked Sirius in the eye. “Will you be a bit patient with me?”

Sirius’s eyes widened. “Patient?” He asked.

“I do like the time we have together. I want to be more to you, I really do. I want you to be more to me.” He took Sirius’s hand, a tender gesture. “But I need time. I need to go slowly.”

Sirius closed his eyes, feeling that Remus had blessed him, somehow.

“Of course,” he replied, softly, “Anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a shitty week (not as shitty as Remus, granted). Please say nice things in the comments!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CWs  
> \- Illness/vomiting in this chapter. I don't know why Remus is always puking in my fics, I swear it's not deliberate.

Sirius woke up with a dry mouth and a headache. The room was so hot and stuffy, even with the window open, he practically had to peel the sheets off his skin. He blinked, peering around, remembering all the instruments and gear they'd squeezed in. Remus wasn't in the bed, but Sirius could hear water running in the tiny bathroom.

He sat up and opened the slats on the venetian blinds, letting a bit more air in. It reeked of petrol fumes and yesterday’s rubbish slowly putrefying on the hot pavement. _Delightful_ , Sirius wrinkled his nose, London was truly the most glamorous city on earth.

He found his boxers on the floor, pulled them on and hopped out of the bed to reach the kitchen tap. It was no easy feat, he had to contort and stretch and twist his way across the room.

The kitchen was completely bare. Maybe Remus would let Sirius take him out for breakfast, he thought as he sipped his lukewarm water. Or Sirius could go and grab something from the cornershop - just not that awful cafe they'd used last time.

There was a sudden loud noise in the bathroom, a weird short bang which made Sirius spin around, followed by a choking, retching sound.

“Remus?” He called out, trying to climb over everything and get to the wooden door.

Remus groaned and threw up again. Sirius bit his lip. “Are you ok?”

He heard Remus spit into the toilet bowl. “...no.”

Sirius could practically feel the sarcasm dripping off that response, which was something of a relief.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Mmmph. Can you make sure it's dark?”

“Eh?!”

“Migraine.” Remus barked through gritted teeth, “No light.”

“Oh right, got you!” Sirius scurried over to the window, stubbing his toe on a heavy pedal board as he did, swearing harshly. He twisted the blinds shut, throwing the room into darkness. “Ok,” he called, “It's dark!”

He crossed the room again, limping slightly from the pain. The bathroom door shuddered open, and Remus stepped out. He had a hand pressed over his eyes, and his face was contorted into an ugly grimace.

“Here,” Sirius took his arm carefully and led his across the floor to the bed. His skin was clammy with sweat, and Sirius wished he could do something about the swampy temperature of the room.

“Thanks.” Remus murmured as he lay down. He curled up on his side and pulled the bedsheets over his head, groaning.

“What can I get you?” Sirius asked, keeping his voice low because he wasn’t really sure if he ought to talk to Remus at all, “Painkillers?”

“Mmm… I finished them last night… ugh… got a repeat… mmmph. Repeat prescription but I… shit. Left it somewhere.”

“Where?” Sirius said, “I’ll go and get it.”

“No.” Remus said, pulling down the sheets, still pressing a hand to the side of his head, hard, “It’s at the band’s flat. I was staying… _ahhh_ … I was staying there. To be close, for rehearsals… ahhh, Jesus _Christ_.” He winced, the hand at his temple turning into a fist.

“I’ll get them,” Sirius said, “Just give me the address.”

“No. Trust me. Just leave me. Sleep it off.”

“Remus, I’m not leaving you in this state.”

“Please, I … _urgh…_ ” Remus hunched forward and threw up all over himself. “Shit.” He said, weakly, tears in his eyes. “Sorry. Not sexy.”

“You poor thing,” Sirius said, already pulling the sopping wet sheets off him. Luckily he didn’t seem to have eaten much for a while, and it was mostly water.

He took the sheets into the bathroom and threw them in the shower. He’d deal with them later. In the meantime he found a hand towel and soaked it under the warm tap, returning to clean Remus up. It was pretty embarrassing for both of them, but Sirius could hardly leave him lying in his own sick just for the sake of pride.

That done, he sourced a clean dishcloth from the kitchen drawer and wet that under the cold tap, returning to lay it on Remus’s forehead. “Thanks.” Remus murmured, face relaxing slightly, “That’s nice.”

“Ok, I need this address.”

Remus stayed still and silent for a moment. “Fine.”

He gave Sirius the post code and Sirius tapped it into Google Maps. It wasn’t far, he could get there and back within the hour,

“If he gives you any trouble,” Remus gripped his arm surprisingly hard, “Ask for Liv. Explain to her.”

“Ok,” Sirius said, feeling a terrible sinking feeling. He really didn’t want to face off against that awful man. But Remus was in so much pain - he had to _try_.

He dressed quickly, grabbed Remus’s keys. Before leaving the flat, he caught sight of a blanket hanging off the back of the kitchen stool. He put it near Remus, in case he wanted to cover his head again.

Outside on the baking hot street, he pulled out his phone,

“If it isn’t lover boy,” James chirped, answering after half a ring, “Thought you’d be much too busy to--”

“Prongs,” Sirius interrupted, in no mood for fun, “I need your help. Have you got the car?”

“Yeah,” James’s voice changed at once, serious and alert, “What do you need? Shall I pick you up?”

“That would be amazing. Oh, and do you guys still have that electric fan? The really fancy Dyson one?”

“Yeah I think so.”

“Bring it.”

Sirius gave James Remus’s building number and waited. He glanced up at Remus’s open window, the blinds shut over. It was so hot in that room, which couldn’t help at all. Horrible with all that equipment clogging up the place, too, but nothing Sirius could do about it yet. He’d have loved to just pick Remus up and carry him out of there take him back to Sirius’s flat where it was clean and comfortable. But it didn’t seem much like Remus could be moved in that state. Suddenly Sirius worried that he might throw up again - ought he to have left a bucket, or something?

A car horn honked, interrupting his thoughts, and Sirius gratefully jumped into James’s car.

“Thanks so much,” he gasped, relishing the cool breeze of the air conditioning.

“What’s going on?”

“Remus isn’t well. He needs his medication, but he left it at his band’s flat. Do you mind driving me to pick it up?”

“Yeah, of course, anything.”

“Er… and would it be ok if you came to the door with me?”

“Well I’m not letting you square off alone against that hench fucker we saw last night.”

Sirius could have kissed him. He felt much better confronting Fenrir with his rugby-player best friend in tow.

Remus’s band had a flat in Stratford, not too far from the big shopping centre and the Olympic Park. They ended up diverted because there was a West Ham game on, but James knew the roads better than a black cab driver, and they soon found the place.

“What are we expecting?” James asked, looking up at the tower block as Sirius pressed the buzzer for number 39.

“No idea.” Sirius replied.

“Yeah?” A woman’s voice echoed through the speaker. Sirius looked into the camera, hoping he didn’t look as nervous as he felt,

“Hi. Er. I’m a friend of Remus’s, and--”

“He’s not here.”

“No, I know! I can to pick up his pills? He left them here and he needs them…”

There was a long, drawn out sigh. “Oh, go on then.” She buzzed them in.

“Charming,” James raised an eyebrow as they entered the lobby.

It was a really nice building, all newly built with clean white lines and tall glass windows. A million miles away from Remus’s miserable little bolt hole, Sirius thought to himself bitterly. How come they were all living so comfortably?

It turned out that it wasn’t just the band who lived at number 39. When Sirius knocked on the door it was opened by a young man he hadn’t seen before, shirtless and bleary eyed, as if he’d just woken up. Peering behind him into the living room Sirius could see various other bodies sprawled on the sofa and the floor. It smelt like they had just ordered McDonald's.

The man who had answered the door blinked at them slowly, before scratching his head and yelling into the flat, “Liv!”

Full Moon’s guitarist came to the door. She was quite a small woman, but her size did not diminish her presence. She slinked to the doorway like a cat, wearing an overlarge Metallica t-shirt that just about skimmed the tops of her thighs. Her shaved head lent a sharp angularity to her features, and her golden brown eyes narrowed at them, smouldering dangerously.

“What do you want?”

“Remus’s pills, he’s got a migraine, and--”

“Fenrir looks after Remus’s stuff, and he’s not here. Come back later.” She went to shut the door, but Sirius darted a hand out to hold it open,

“This can’t wait.”

She cocked her head, looking him up and down, “You were at the gig last night, weren't you? Pretty boy. Are you the reason Remus has been all moon-faced lately?”

Sirius didn’t have time to think about how that revelation made him feel. He held firm on the door, “The pills, please.”

“Oh, whatever,” she rolled her large eyes, “Through there,” she pointed, looking bored with the whole conversation, “Bedroom.”

Sirius glanced back at James before entering the flat, following Liv’s finger through the nearest closed door. It was a double bedroom, pretty spartan, without so much as a mirror on the wall, just a dresser and a laundry basket and a big double bed, which was messy and unmade.

On top of the dresser was Remus’s packet of pills - Sirius checked they had his name and address printed on. Next to those were a set of keys, a packet of condoms and some lubricant. Sirius ignored those, trying not to think about it. He was about to go, when he saw something else sticking out from under an old copy of the Metro. It was Remus’s phone, Sirius was sure of it.

Without thinking, Sirius glanced around to check he wasn’t being watched, then slipped it into his pocket.

“Find them?” Liv appeared in the doorway, leaning against it and filing her nails into sharp points.

Sirius waved the box to show her.

She grinned, showing every pearly tooth, “Fen’s going to be _soooo_ pissed off you were in his room,” she purred as if it excited her.

“Remus sleeps here, then? When he stays over?”

“Mmm, well we all do, from time to time,” she shrugged, returning to her nails. “Tell Remus we're having a band meeting tomorrow afternoon, will you dearest?”

“If he's feeling better.” Sirius raised his chin.

She chuckled, “Poor darling. You're wasting your time bothering with him. You don't know him like we do. I know he likes to act like he's better than us… but he's just the same deep down. And we know how to look after him.”

“Oh right, is that how he ended up with the black eye, then?” Sirius shot back. He didn’t want to hear this, he just wanted to get out now.

Liv tossed her head back and laughed throatily, “You think _Fenrir_ did that? To his precious boy?! He treats that kid like he’s made of glass. You have _no idea_ what you're talking about.”

“Padfoot?” James called from the hall, “You ok?”

“Yeah, coming,” Sirius shouted back, gratefully.

He edged past Liv and hurried out of the flat.

He leaned against the lift wall on the way down, relieved. James shook his head, “Bloody creepy mate, the lot of them. How did Remus end up mixed up with that lot? He seems such a sweet guy.”

“Yeah,” Sirius shook his head, clutching the box of pills tightly, thinking about the phone in his back pocket. “He said he doesn't know many people in London. I think that’s what he said. Only knows the band.”

“Well. He’s got us, now.” James said casually as the lift hit the ground floor and the doors pinged open.

That was just like James, the loveliest man in the world. He just wanted to be everyone’s big brother.

“Right!” He said, getting back in the car, “Back to Remus’s, then? Want to pick up anything on the way? Food?”

“Maybe later,” Sirius said, “I just want to get these to him first, he was really sick. Oh, did you bring the…”

“Yep,” James jerked his thumb over his shoulder, pointing at the fan in a box sitting on the back seat, strapped into a seatbelt.

“Legend,” Sirius sighed, “Mind if Remus borrows it for a few days? His flat’s an oven.”

“Sure, we were going to try and flog it anyway,” James nodded, pulling away from the kerb, “He can keep it.”

They avoided the road blocks this time, and got to Remus’s in fifteen minutes or so. Sirius glanced at the clock on the dashboard as James parked. He’s only been gone forty minutes or so.

“Thanks a million,” he said, unbuckling quickly, “Sorry I can’t invite you up - he’s not well and it’s a bad idea.”

“I understand,” James replied, “Are you staying long, shall I wait for you?”

“I’m not sure. You go, I can pop by later maybe.”

“Want me to have Lily call you? She might know what’s best to do?”

“Yeah, actually, that would be great,” Sirius opened the back door and reached in to retrieve the fan. “Thanks again, Prongs, I owe you!”

“Nah,” James waved a hand, “Just look after yourself, all right?”

“Love you,” Sirius said at the last minute, because he needed to hear someone say it to him.

“Love you, Padfoot. Speak later!”

Sirius unlocked the flat and navigated the stairs slowly, peering over the top of the cumbersome cardboard box. He set it down outside Remus’s door, and let himself in, careful to keep the light out as much as possible, dragging the fan inside. He set it on top of an amp, because there was hardly anywhere else to put it.

The room was stifling hot. Remus still lay curled up on the bed under the blanket. That in itself was disconcerting, because the few times Sirius had spent the night with Remus he had always stretched to fill the space, legs and arms flung out like a great dog.

Silently Sirius poured some water, then carefully crossed the room, feeling his way, to reach the bed again. He sat lightly on the side of the mattress,

“Hey,” he whispered, fiddling with the pill packet, trying to get them out, “I got them, how many do you need?”

Remus stirred and pulled down the blanket over his head. His hair was sticking to his forehead with the sweat, his face red and sticky. He didn’t open his eyes or say anything, just raised two fingers. Sirius popped two tablets out of the blister pack and handed them to Remus, who stuffed them in his mouth at once, swallowing hard without any water.

“Have a drink,” Sirius said softly, pressing the cool glass against Remus’s knuckles.

Remus sipped it, spilling quite a lot, then retreated back under the blanket.

Satisfied enough, Sirius got up and went to sort out the fan. It was nice and simple; just unbox and plug in. He had to disconnect Remus’s stereo, but he didn’t think that would matter too much. He set it up on the kitchen countertop, so that the cool air washed directly over Remus’s bed.

Remus sighed softly when it hit him, and pushed the blanket off his torso. His poor scars were all raised with heat rash. Sirius ached.

He didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t leave. He had a hair appointment, but not until late afternoon, and he wondered if Marlene might be able to do it instead. He’d see how things went. In the meantime, he poured himself a fresh glass of water and sat on Remus’s drum stool. He had some online reading to do for his beauty course, so he pulled out his phone to log into the student portal.

He withdrew Remus’s phone too. It was off, or the battery was dead. Not wanting to assume anything, Sirius simply set it down on the kitchen counter. Let Remus decide.

Did he know Fenrir had had it? Had it been taken by force? The condoms on the bedroom dresser flashed in Sirius’s mind again, and he fought to ignore it. That was none of his business, he told himself. Until last night he and Remus had never said they were exclusive. Actually, they _still_ hadn’t made that decision.

He did a bit of reading and made a few notes, but he kept getting distracted, watching Remus sleep. How often was he ill like this? Would it get too much, or would Sirius just get used to it? He’d never really looked after anyone before - in fact, people usually looked after _him_. James and Lily, after a heartbreak, or Mr and Mrs Potter, after his parents kicked him out.

Who usually looked after REmus, then? Did he have parents somewhere in Scotland? He hadn’t mentioned them. Fenrir Greyback, then. The bedroom dresser flashed up again.

At about half eleven he went to take a shower, realising he hadn’t washed properly yet. He didn’t know what to do with the dirty bed sheets, Remus must use a laundrette, there wasn’t a washing machine in the flat. He balled the sheets up in the corner and took a quick shower. He didn’t wash his hair, but luckily he almost always carried a hairband and tied it up in a bun.

Lily text him while he was in the bathroom:

****

_Hiya babe, heard you’re playing nurse?_

Yeah, he’s just sleeping now.

_That’s the best thing if it’s a migraine. Dark room?_

Yep. He took pills but I don’t know what they do

_Probably a triptan if it was prescription. Nothing else you can do, love._

He was sick a few times.

_Normal, don’t worry. If you can get him to eat at some point, that might help. Don’t force him though._

Ok. What sort of food?

_Something plain, if he’s been sick. Toast?_

Thanks Lils.

_Let me know if you need anything! Poor love, migraines suck balls. xxx_

****

Lily bringing up food reminded Sirius that he hadn’t eaten for ages. His stomach growled as if on cue. His back hurt from sitting on the short stool all morning, and Remus was sleeping peacefully under the cool breeze. He could pop out for a minute.

He took the keys again, closing the door very quietly, and headed back outside. It was after midday and the sun was at its highest, beating down in his dark hair, making him shiver a bit. He walked up and down the high street a few times before coming to the conclusion that the grubby little cafe by the tube stop was the only real option. He grudgingly went in and ordered a coffee and a cheese toastie.

“Sorry,” he said to the woman behind the counter, “But do you know the tall guy with the blond curly hair who comes in here? Usually has a guitar case?”

“Oh yes, I know him, quiet bloke,” she nodded, her round face shining in the heat.

“That’s him! You don't happen to know his favourite order? Like if he's pushing the boat out a bit, for a treat?”

“He mostly just orders toast and a cup of tea,” she shrugged. “That's his usual, he's barely ever in here longer than a minute, always in a rush.”

“Oh, right,” Sirius sighed, disappointed. “Just that then, I suppose.”

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, “He has a sweet tooth,” she said, “Takes three packets of sugar, usually. And some Fridays he asks for honey on his toast.”

“Really?” Sirius smiled, “I'll have that then, please.”

She smiled back and went to sort it for him. He drank all of the coffee this time, disgusting as it was. He was still trying not to think about the flat Full Moon lived in. The flat Remus apparently lived in too, sometimes. The condoms could have been anyone's. And Sirius and James had shared a bed before, it meant nothing. And the things Liv had said were just…

Sirius shook his head to clear his thoughts as he shoved the door to Remus's building open with his shoulder. He climbed the stairs slowly, because of the hot tea, and very quietly opened the door to the flat. All was as he had left it. It was still quite dark, but the sun was peeking out from behind the shutters, highlighting dustmotes in thin beams across the bed. Remus had rolled onto his back, and the breeze from the fan was blowing his hair softly away from his face. Sirius smiled and stopped worrying.

He set down the food in the little kitchen and looked for a plate.

“You're still here,” a small, hoarse voice.

“I am,” Sirius whispered, “I got you some food. How's the head?”

Remus stirred a little, turning his head as if testing to see. “Tender,” he said, “But better. This one wasn’t so bad.”

“Oh great,” Sirius tried to smile. Inwardly he was freaking out. _This_ wasn’t that bad?! Bloody hell.

“What food?”

“Tea and toast. With honey.”

“Wow that sounds perfect,” Remus sighed, closing his eyes again and sighing heavily. He rolled to get up, and Sirius lurched forward anxiously,

“What do you need? I can get it!”

“I need to pee.” Remus laughed softly, “Honestly, calm down Black, I’m not going to break.”

Sirius found that hard to believe as Remus hauled himself to his feet and took small, unsteady steps across the room to the loo.

While he waited he put the toast on a plate and added three sugars to the tea. That was a completely mad amount of sugar in his opinion - he could imagine what Mrs Potter might say about it, she was a traditionalist and would never countenance sweetening tea.

Remus came out of the bathroom, “Mind if we keep it dark? Sorry, I know it’s a pain…”

“Not at all!” Sirius said. His eyes had pretty much adjusted to it now, and at least it wasn’t sweltering any more.

“Where’d the fan come from?” Remus asked, returning to the bed, sitting up against the wall. He’d put a t-shirt on over his boxers.

“James brought it round,” Sirius said, handing him his tea, then the toast. “He and Lily got a new one last month, so I knew they had it going spare.”

“He didn’t come up?!” Remus stared at him, alarmed, setting the plate down on the mattress and cupping the tea in both hands.

“Oh, no! I brought it in, he stayed in the car. I had to call him to take me out to Stratford.”

“Shit,” Remus breathed, blowing on his tea to cool it, “I forgot you went there… was it… was…”

“Fenrir wasn’t there,” Sirius said quickly, “Just Liv, and a few other people.”

“Yeah, it gets crowded over there.”

“I found your phone, too.” Sirius pointed to it on the counter.

Remus looked at it, then looked down at his drink, and sipped it. “Thank you for that,” he said quietly, “Um… we can talk about it later.”

“Ok.”

They ate in silence, Sirius standing at the kitchen counter. He wondered if he ought to go; Remus seemed ok now, just a bit vague and unfocussed, which he supposed was probably normal. He wolfed down the toast in three seconds flat, and licked the honey from his fingers like a child. Sirius watched, transfixed. Fenrir’s precious boy, Liv had called him. ‘He treats that kid like he’s made of glass’.

 _Who are you?_ Sirius couldn’t help thinking. _And what on earth have I got myself into?_

Remus ran his sticky finger around the plate to pick up the crumbs, then, when there was not one morsel left, he set it aside. Sirius went to grab it off the bed and give it a rinse in the sink, while Remus wiped his hands on the damp towel from earlier. He lay down again, watching Sirius from beneath his lashes,

“I had no idea you were so domestic,” he croaked.

“I had a fussy mother.” Sirius said, casually, hoping Remus wouldn’t ask for more information. He dried the plate and turned back to the bed, “Shall I go?”

“Only if you want to,” Remus replied, sounding a bit uncertain.

“I don’t want to if you’re still feeling bad.” Sirius said.

“I’m probably going to sleep a bit more, now. Um. Are you angry with me? For lying about the phone?”

Sirius looked at the phone, as if that would give him an answer. “Confused, maybe.” He said, “Not angry.”

"I told you I wasn't worth it. It's all such a mess."

"Don't say that." Sirius frowned. He checked his phone, “I don't need to be anywhere for an hour or so. I can stay here while you sleep, I don't mind.”

“I'd like that... Will you lie with me for a bit?” Remus’s voice was thick with sleep, and he was already half dozing. Sirius couldn’t refuse that, he’d never seen Remus so soft and pliant.

He kicked off his shoes and climbed over the assault course to the bed, laying down to spoon Remus on top of the sheets. “Is this ok?” He whispered, tentatively laying an arm across him.

“Mm.” Remus nodded against the pillow. “How come you’re so nice…?”

“I care about you.” Sirius replied.

Remus laughed, as if that was funny. Sirius wanted to ask why, but he’d already fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> \- Most homes in the UK don't have any air conditioning, which we regret for exactly 1.2 weeks a year when it's actually hot. We buy crappy electric fans to compensate or else get drunk in the park and nearly die of dehydration.  
> \- 'Black cab driver' refers to London cabs, which are black (you've probably seen them in films). Black cabbies are supposed to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of London's geography.  
> \- 'Liv' is an AU version of Livia, an OC from my other fic, 'All the Young Dudes'. In that fic she is a member of Greyback's wolfpack. I love her.  
> \- The Metro is a free newspaper you get on the London Underground.  
> \- I've had like 3 migraines ever, so forgive me if I did a bad job describing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A first date is attempted. Heavy on the dialogue.
> 
> CWs  
> \- mention of underage sex/predatory relationship

Weekends were always busy for Sirius and Marlene, even for house calls, so Sirius barely had time to change his clothes after leaving Remus’s bedsit for the last time that Saturday afternoon. 

He went home very quickly to grab his kit, but then headed straight back out again. Four old ladies, two toddlers and one manicure for a business woman who had a posh flat in Canary Wharf. She asked him if he did massages too, and though he had a feeling she was flirting, he made a mental note to suggest it to Marlene as another service to add once the shop finally opened.

Speaking of the shop, on Sunday he and Marlene went to visit it for the first time in six weeks. The renovations were coming along really well, the water was running, and most if the interior fixtures had arrived ready for fitting. They'd be ready to open in late August, if things went on at the same page. That was exciting, he and Marlene went for a quick drink before going home, to celebrate just the two of them.

“We really need to nail down a colour scheme this week!” she said, all business, “And the bloody name! What are we going to call it?!”

“Leaving that up to you, it’s your salon, really.”

“Shut up, you’ve done just as much work as I have,” she kicked him gently under the table, “Honestly, Black. I’m proud of you.”

“Marls,” Sirius blushed, looking into his drink, “Stop it. You know I only do what you tell me.”

“What happened to that arrogant prick i went to school with?” Marlene laughed. She leaned over and pulled a strand of his hair, “Could do with a trim.”

“Nah, I like it this length.”

“You don’t want split ends.”

“How dare you, I’ve never had a split end in my  _ life _ .”

“Well, you know where to come when you want those layers fixed. Hey, any luck getting Remus in? I’m dying to sort out that mop he’s walking around with.”

“No, can’t see it happening.” Sirius sipped his drink thoughtfully. He hadn’t told Marlene - or anyone - the full details of his weekend. James knew some of it, of course, but Sirius was still trying to get his head around the rest.

“Will we be seeing him any time soon?” Marlene mused, “We need new music recommendations, Dorcas is driving me up the wall with Belle & Sebastian.”

“Eh?”

“You know, the song he did at Lily’s gig? Dor was really into it, so he sent her a list of albums to listen to. Only I quite fancy a change, she’s been playing them non-stop for a week.”

“Dorcus has been talking to Remus?”

“Just over facebook I think, yeah. It was a few weeks ago now.”

“Right. Er… I think he’s coming over this evening.”

“Oh no, I won’t be in! Ask him for me, will you?”

As soon as he got home, Sirius locked himself in his room and searched ‘Belle & Sebastian’ on Spotify. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before. Obviously the key to understanding Remus must be in the music he listened to. Obviously.

There were a lot of songs, so Sirius just hit ‘play all’ while he pottered about his room, tidying up before Remus arrived. He changed the sheets, even though they were fairly clean already, stuck a load of laundry in the washing machine and dusted his shelves. Marlene made fun of him for being ‘fussy’, but growing up cleanliness had been drilled into him and it was hardwired now. 

He was just about to unload his clothes from the washer in the kitchen when the door went, and he tripped over his laundry basket rushing to answer it,

“Fuck,” he grunted, landing hard on his face on the living room rug. “Ow...” he sighed, getting up, limping to the door. He was  _ never  _ flustered. Never. Except when Remus was nearby.

“Hello,” Remus smiled as Sirius opened the front door. His bruise had gone down a bit, and he was carrying two enormous shopping bags. 

“Hi,” Sirius breathed, taken aback once again by Remus’s presence. 

“You ok?” Remus cocked his head, looking Sirius up and down.

“Fine! Come in!” Sirius stood back, overly gregarious, “What’s in the bags?”

“Dinner,” Remus smiled, “I thought I’d cook for you, as a thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me!” Sirius said, leading Remus through the living room, into the kitchen, kicking the stupid laundry basket out of the way.

“Ok then,” Remus said calmly, setting down his bags on the counter, “I thought I’d cook for you as a boyfriend. That’s a boyfriend-y thing to do, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, trying not to smile too widely, “I s’pose it is.”

“See, I’m already getting the hang of it,” Remus winked at him.

The washing machine beeped angrily at Sirius, making him blink, “Sorry,” he said bashfully, “It wants hanging up.”

“I’ll put this stuff in the fridge,” Remus said, already unpacking, “You hang your clothes - unless you’re hungry right now?”

“No, no,” Sirius shook his head, bending down to unload the machine. The drying rack was wedged down the back of the living room couch, and Sirius wrangled it open, then began to hang his damp clothes. Usually he would take each item, smooth it out and lie it on the back of a chair before hanging it, to ensure maximum drying area and wrinkle-free hanging. But it had been pointed out to him that this method was slightly bonkers and a bit anal, so he just flung things on like Marlene and Dorcas did.

“How are you feeling?” He called into the kitchen.

“Much better, cheers,” Remus sang back, “Even managed to get to the band meeting this morning.”

“Oh good,” Sirius replied, though he pulled a face. He had decided to hate Remus’s band, and nothing would change his mind. 

“Yeah, we’ve had a bit of luck - there was a guy at Friday’s gig who reckoned he might know someone in the industry. Could get us a tour this summer - as a support act, you know.”

“Really? That’s fantastic,”

“Yeah, we’ll see. If Fenrir keeps his cool.” Remus appeared in the doorway empty handed, “All done - want a hand?”

“Um…”

“Here,” Remus came over and picked up a t-shirt from the basket. He held it up by the shoulders, shook the wrinkles out in one fluid movement and then hung it perfectly on exactly the rung Sirius would have chosen. 

“You’re good at that,” Sirius commented.

“I’m worryingly domestic sometimes,” Remus laughed, “Mum used to be a cleaner, she’d take me on her jobs sometimes and obviously I had to help…”

“Cute.” Sirius smiled. They moved the drier under the window so it could get the sun, and then headed for Sirius’s bedroom. He’d left the music playing - another embarrassment.

“Belle & Sebastian!” Remus said, sounding surprised, “Are you branching out, Black?”

“Marlene just mentioned it earlier,” Sirius said, “I’d forgotten what they were called.”

“You wound me,” Remus said dryly, reaching out to stop Sirius from turning it off. 

They sat on the bed listening for a bit, Remus tapping out the drum beat on his thigh. He seemed a little more rigid than usual, quicker with his jokes, less focussed. 

“How was work?” He asked, looking at the photo frames on Sirius’s shelves, rather than at Sirius himself.

“Fine,” Sirius nodded, “We went to see the salon this morning - it’s almost there, on track to open at the end of August.”

“Brilliant!”

“Yeah, it feels real now.”

“...and James? Did you thank him for the fan? They can have it back now, if they need it.”

“Don’t be silly. They said you could keep it, they were happy to help.”

“Well. I’ll thank them somehow.” Remus cast around again, apparently searching for more smalltalk, “So… how’s college going?”

“Fine - Remus, are you ok?!”

“Fine!” Remus looked at him, frowning, “What?”

“You’re being weird…”

His face cracked into a wide grin, which put Sirius somewhat at ease, “Aren’t I always weird?”

“Ok then,” Sirius smirked back, “You’re being  _ normal _ .”

“How dreadful,” Remus laughed. He shook his head, “I’m sorry! It’s just that I know we need to talk, but I don’t know how to start… I’ve never really done this kind of thing before.”

“You’ve never talked?”

“No, I mean I’ve never… you know. Had  _ this  _ kind of talk. A relationship talk.”

Sirius realised what he meant, and he was surprised, “Wait, have you never…?”

“Been a boyfriend? Nope.”

Sirius blinked, “Oh! Right, I hadn’t realised.”

“D’you think I’m…” Remus looked down, “I mean, does it make a difference to you? On top of everything else…”

“Of course not,” Sirius said, fast, “I wouldn’t judge you for something like that.”

“I feel like I’m going to make a lot of mistakes.”

“Well. I’m hardly perfect.” Sirius shrugged. Remus looked at at him, and held his gaze for a long time. Sirius wasn’t sure exactly what Remus was thinking, but he could feel the weight of importance in those grave green eyes. 

“So,” Remus said, finally, “How do relationships start?”

“Er,” Sirius felt a bit put on the spot. He wasn’t used to analysing things like that, and he couldn’t tell if Remus was joking or not. “Well, in the movies it always starts with dinner.”

“Right, well I’ve got that in hand,” Remus laughed, “Risotto - veggie, if that’s ok?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“And, er… you can ask me stuff, if you want. I’ll try to be honest.” Remus looked shifty and nervous again.

“If you’re not comfortable…” Sirius started, but Remus shook his head, determined,

“No, don’t make excuses for me,” he said, “I want to do this right. Come on, are you hungry now?”

He got up and left the room, heading for the kitchen. Sirius went after, not sure whether or not to feel thrilled that Remus was trying so hard, or concerned that it seemed to be so much effort for him.

“Where are the girls?” Remus asked, as he oriented himself in the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans and packets of rice and mushrooms.

“Marlene’s working, I don’t think Dorcas is staying tonight.”

“Oh, I thought Dorcas lived here?”

“She practically does,” Sirius nodded, “But not officially - she’s got parents up in Enfield.”

“Ah,” Remus began cooking, and Sirius watched him, leaning against the wall. He moved about the kitchen the way he moved about on stage; unconsciously deliberate, with a loping grace. He hummed to himself, completely absorbed in the task. In time, he looked up at Sirius and gave him a smile, “It’s nice to be cooking in a proper kitchen for once.”

“Oh right, I s’pose you don’t get much of a chance,” Sirius said, “I ought to cook more, but I’m lazy. When I lived with Prongs he did all the cooking.”

“Prongs?”

“James - just a stupid nickname from school.”

“Oh yeah, he calls you something too, doesn’t he?”

“Padfoot,” Sirius nodded. 

“Padfoot.” Remus said softly, chopping onions carefully and quickly. He was quiet for a while, thinking, and then-, “Oh! I get it - black dog, right? Like the black shuck. It’s a play on your name.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, surprised. No one had ever figured it out before; he and James had thought they were so clever when they were thirteen. “Blimey.”

“I have a bit of a thing for folklore,” Remus smiled, tipping the diced onion into a frying pan he’d been heating up, “I was a bit of a morbid kid - ghost stories and stuff. In the hospital all there was to do was read.”

The onion began to sizzle and a delicious smell rose up. Remus began breaking up a bulb of garlic.

“Is that why your band’s called Full Moon?” Sirius asked, thinking it was a pretty easy question to get started with. 

“Erm… not exactly.” Remus frowned, laying the flat of his knife on top of a garlic clove, then crushing it with the heel of his hand, “That’s um… it’s a bit of an unpleasant joke. Fenrir’s idea.”

“Right… if you don’t want to tell me--”

“You may as well know”, Remus said, quickly, as if he had to get it out fast, “It wasn’t just the tumor that had me in hospital, I spent some time in a psychiatric unit too. When I was fourteen… and off and on, until I was sixteen.”

“Oh, ok,” Sirius didn’t really know how to respond to that.

“Mm, it’s a messy story. Maybe another time.  _ Anyway, _ that’s how I met Fenrir. We weren’t on the same ward, obviously, I was in the kids unit, but there was a shared common area and a garden. He had a guitar with him and he taught me to play my first chords. When we started the band he wanted the name to reflect the fact that we both met in the loony bin, so - Full Moon. In the olden days people thought full moons made you go mad, that’s why it’s called lunacy.”

“Clever,” Sirius said. He felt a bit stupid, he didn’t know what else to say; it was a lot of information.

“And, y’know, ‘Remus’ is a moon, so…” Remus looked up, smiling.

“ _ Remus is a moon _ ,” Sirius echoed, like it was a prayer, or an incantation, “Suits you.”

“Not as cool as a star, I’ll grant you,” Remus winked. He turned back to pour rice into the pan, followed by some stock.

“Much cooler.” Sirius breathed.

Remus glanced back at him and smirked, “If you keep looking at me like that I’m going to have to do something about it.”

“Oh yeah?” Sirius replied, heart quickening. 

“Yeah and I’ll burn your dinner.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Sirius said, hooking his thumbs in his belt loops and shrugging innocently, biting his bottom lip. Remus made a strained noise in his throat, and raised an eyebrow,

“Watch yourself,  _ Padfoot _ .”

“Rather watch you,  _ Moony _ ,” Sirius teased. 

Remus chuckled, and shook his head, curls bouncing. Sirius couldn’t take it, and came up behind Remus, placing his hands lightly on his hips, pressing into his body and kissing his neck. Remus sighed, relaxing a little, “I’m trying to cook you a romantic dinner…”

“And I’m grateful,” Sirius grinned, sliding a hand down, under Remus’s waistband.

“Mmm, I really will burn this…” Remus whispered, tilting his head back to give Sirius better access to his neck and half-heartedly stirring the rice again.

“Oh no,” Sirius cooed, his fingers closing around Remus’s erection, “Am I making it hard for you?”

Remus swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing delightfully as Sirius squeezed him firmly. 

“I’m trying to be a good boyfriend here!” Remus gasped,

“So am I!”

Remus twisted around, grabbing Sirius’s wrist to still his movements, and kissing him full on the mouth as compensation, “Patience is a virtue, Black,” Remus tapped him on the head with the clean end of his wooden spoon. “Now go and lay the table for me.”

“Fine,” Sirius sighed, withdrawing his hand, pretending to be put out, though he rather liked being told what to do by Remus. 

He went to wash his hands in the sink before collecting the cutlery, “You can call me Padfoot, if you want,” he said. “I like it.”

Remus smiled at him again, the blush was slowly leaving his cheeks, but the wicked glint lingered in his eyes, a promise of what might come later. Sirius had to avert his own eyes just to hold it together. He half wanted to suggest that they just forget about dinner and eat it cold later - but Remus had gone to so much trouble for him, and it really did smell good.

Remus dished up, and they ate it at the little fold out table in the living room. 

“Luxury,” Remus commented, setting down a plate in front of Sirius, “I normally eat on my bed with my laptop open next to me.”

The thought of eating anywhere  _ near  _ bedsheets was anxiety inducing for Sirius, he hated spilled food. He didn’t say anything though, just took a mouthful, 

“This is delicious!” He said, honestly, as he wolfed down the risotto, “You’re welcome to use the kitchen whenever the mood strikes you,”

“Noted,” Remus grinned, “Does my cooking stack up next to James’s, then?” 

“Absolutely. He would never have used this much cheese, too much fat.”

“Life is nothing without cheese,” Remus replied. He played with his food thoughtfully, spearing a mushroom with his fork, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Have you and James ever… I mean, I know he’s with Lily now, but you’re very close, aren’t you?”

“We are,” Sirius nodded - this wasn’t the first time someone had brought up his relationship with James, “Have been ever since our first year of school. But no, James is pretty decidedly straight, so nothing like that. He was my first kiss, though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Sirius felt warm with the memory, “On my fifteenth birthday. I’d just come out to him and it was a really shit time - mostly stuff with my family, you know - anyway we were both moping about, complaining how we’d never been kissed, and he just suggested it. It was probably the kindest thing anyone had ever done for me.”

“That’s really sweet,” Remus said. 

“What about you?” Sirius asked, “When was your first kiss?”

“Well I don’t want to boast, but I was thirteen,” Remus said wryly, “Moira MacIntosh. They had a disco at the children’s hospital, so we wouldn’t feel like we were missing out on normal growing up stuff. She followed me into the loos during the macarena.”

Sirius laughed, “Amazing,”

“It was, a bit,” Remus mused, “She was fourteen, so I was thrilled, of course; an older woman.”

“Are you still in touch?”

“Ah… no. She died, two years later.”

“Shit. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Remus shook his head, “Sorry, a lot of my stories end like that. Anyway, it’s a happy memory - she wanted something and she went for it.”

“Like you,” Sirius said. Remus laughed,

“ _ Nothing _ like me!”

“I seem to remember you being pretty direct…”

“Oh, that,” Remus shrugged, “That’s just sex, that’s nothing to do with actual confidence. Anyway, I only went after you because you’d been ogling me all night. Had to throw you a bone eventually.”

“Cheeky git,” Sirius barked, “I get plenty of offers, I’ll have you know.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Remus replied, giving Sirius that grave, intense look again. Sirius had to grip is fork to stop himself trembling. Remus finally released him, returning to his food, and continued, conversationally, “I just pretend to be a confident person, but it’s not hard to shatter the facade. Whereas you -” he gestured at Sirius with his fork, “You’ve got confidence on tap. The real thing.”

“Have I?” Sirius snorted, thinking about the bruise on his shin from falling over the laundry basket earlier.

“Of course; you’ve got that rich-boy, good looking, well-bred thing going on.”

“Oof,” Sirius said, flinching a bit, “Why do those feel like insults coming from you?”

“I don’t mean it like that,” Remus said quickly, his face suddenly earnest, “I just mean… I dunno, maybe I’m jealous. You and all your mates, you all make it look easy.  _ If I could have a second skin, I’d probably dress up in you… _ ”

“Blimey,” Sirius blinked, “You should write that down, that’s deep.”

“It’s from the song you plonker!” Remus laughed, shaking his head, “Belle & Sebastian - the one I did at the charity gig.”

“Oh!” Sirius felt himself blushing, “I forgot…”

“Here I was thinking that night meant something to you…” Remus sighed dramatically, raising his wrist to his forehead in a parody of despair. Sirius laughed and gave him a shove,

“It  _ did _ ! I’m just terrible at remembering lyrics.”

“Ah ha, I knew it!” Remus’s eyes gleamed with triumph, “You were only listening to them to try and impress me!”

Sirius’s cheeks grew even hotter and he covered his face with his fingers, “Ok, fine!” He groaned,, “You got me. Still think I’m confident?!”

“I think you’re adorable.” Remus said, pulling his hands down from his face, leaning forward and kissing him.

Once they’d both finished, Remus collected up the plates and tried to do the washing up, but Sirius stopped him, “No way, you cooked, I’ll clean!”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind,”

“You’ve done your ‘good boyfriend’ duty, now let me do mine,” Sirius insisted.

“Well, you’re the authority…”

“Hardly,” Sirius laughed, “Only boyfriend I ever had was Gid, and I don’t think either of us did a very good job.”

He washed up, and they went back to the bedroom.

Remus checked the time, “I’m ok to stay the night, aren’t I? Otherwise I’d better be going soon…”

“No of course, please stay!”

“Good, I was worried you only wanted me for my risotto.”

“Of course not,” Sirius pulled him in for a kiss, which became a snog, which became a very long over-the-clothes groping session on the bed.

“Well, there’s always that too,” Remus purred, as he began to undo Sirius’s jeans.

* * *

“Next time I’ll bring dessert, too.” Remus said, returning from the bathroom wearing nothing but his boxers and a flushed smile. Sirius was lounging naked on the bed, happy and relaxed, Bell & Sebastian playing on, their back catalogue seemingly endless. 

“You can’t still be hungry.”

“I’m always hungry,” Remus answered, glancing at himself in the mirror, tugging self consciously at his hair, “Anyway, dessert doesn’t count as food.”

“I think Marls has some ice cream hidden in the back of the freezer,” Sirius mused, watching Remus move about his room as if he belonged there.

“I couldn’t steal from Marlene, she’s always got a pair of scissors on her person.”

“I could nip to the Tesco on the corner and get--”

“You’re not going anywhere.” Remus threw him a commanding glance, and Sirius closed his mouth. Remus smirked, returning to the mirror, now inspecting his bruise, almost gone now, “Do you have anything on tomorrow?” He asked, “I’ve got a practice, but not ‘til the evening.”

“College at nine,” Sirius sighed, disappointed, “But I could bunk off…”

“No, don’t be silly. I ought to go home and get to grips with the new bassline for -- hey, this is the song!” Remus tapped at Sirius’s laptop to turn the sound up, “You need some decent speakers, this is butchering the bass…”

The slow rhythm started up, and Sirius vaguely remembered it from that night - truth be told, it wasn’t really the song he’d been interested in at the time so much as Remus’s hands, and the flash of his long white throat and the coy smile as he tossed his curls from his eyes. Hearing the tune again, with the same beautiful young man standing only a metre away, humming along and tapping those long fingers against his desk, Sirius found himself entranced once more. 

“This bit, this bit’s my favourite bit…” Remus said eagerly, pointing at the laptop and singing along very quietly, almost at a murmur, so that he harmonised with the singer, “... _ always loved you… you always had a lot of style… _ ” at that, the bass lowered and seemed to shudder, like a heartbeat, and Remus - for lack of a guitar, perhaps - wiggled his narrow hips in time with it, grinning. 

“Oh yeah,” Sirius grinned back, “Clearly genius, that.”

“Philistine.” Remus tutted, crawling back onto the bed, towards Sirius, “Caught your breath?” He asked, his voice very low and deep.

“Just about…” Sirius said, rolling onto his back, propped up on his elbows, “Why, what are you going to--- oh!”

Remus had grabbed his ankles and pulled him down, horizontal, and was already climbing over him, lips working their way up the inside of his thigh,

“Again?” Sirius whimpered. 

Remus met his eye and grinned, “Again.”

* * *

Sirius was thrilled to discover that their newfound emotional intimacy had not dampened any other kind of intimacy. In fact, he was starting to wonder how he’d ever keep up with Remus; he needed to start exercising or drinking more water or something. By the time they were finished, darkness had fallen outside, and Sirius needed a full two minutes to return to earth.

Remus went to draw the curtains over, “Your place is so much cooler than mine,” he said, “‘Til I got that fan I was barely sleeping at night, when’s this heatwave going to end?!”

“Hmmm.” Sirius sighed, unable to verbalise just yet.

Remus chuckled, laying back down beside him, propped up on an elbow. He trailed a finger along the line of sweat gathered on Sirius’s collar bone. “Have I made it up to you?”

“Hmm?”

“Have I made it up to you? For the ghosting, and the migraine?”

Sirius turned his head to meet Remus’s eyes, “You explained it, you don’t need to make it up to me. And the migraine wasn’t your fault.”

“Ok, just checking.” Remus lay down properly.

“You’ve really never been in a relationship?” Sirius asked, finally. “Not ever?”

“Not exactly,” Remus replied, a bit uncomfortably, “Not properly. But… well, I suppose you’ve guessed. Fenrir.”

“I couldn’t help wondering…” Sirius felt as though he was intruding, but that packet of condoms on Fenrir’s bedroom dresser kept blinking in his mind. 

“Well I don’t want to go into detail,” Remus sighed, “But yeah. He was my first. For a long time my only. Except I’m not sure I’d call it a relationship, it wasn’t exactly...” he cast around, seemingly unable to find the right words. In the end he just gestured at Sirius, “Well, it was never like this, let’s just say that.”

“You said you met him when you were fourteen…”

“Nothing happened until I was sixteen.” Remus said quickly.

“That's so young!”

“That's the lawful age of consent. And I did consent.” He said this very firmly. The hard tone was unexpected, and made Sirius want to withdraw. 

Remus shook his head, “It’s hard to explain, all right? That’s why I don’t. Anyway, it’s all over now. He’s just the singer, and I’m just the bassist.”

Sirius didn’t say anything more, worried about pushing Remus too far. He had the sense that if Remus hit his limit then he’d shut down, and that would be it for the rest of the night. And they’d had such a nice afternoon. He rolled towards him, wrapping his arms around Remus’s waist and laying his head on his chest. Remus stiffened for a moment - they hadn’t really cuddled much so far - but he did his best. Hands that had been pulling on Sirius’s hair only minutes before now awkwardly patted and stroked his shoulder. 

“Are you comfortable?” Sirius asked, not letting go.

“Fine,” Remus replied, almost convincingly. “Shall I turn off the music?”

“Oh, yeah, better do,” Sirius sighed, freeing Remus and getting up himself to do it. Well, it was a small step, anyway. Remus had already moved away, stretched out on his own side of the double bed, pulling the sheets up over his scarred torso. 

“I quite like Belle & Sebastian,” Sirius said, not wanting to sleep just yet.

“You shouldn’t listen to them like that, all in one go.” Remus murmured, closing his eyes, “They’re meant to be heard as albums.”

“Music snob,” Sirius teased.

“Maybe,” Remus raised an eyebrow, eyes still closed, “But I’m right. Try Tigermilk, you’d like that one, I think. Listening to Belle & Sebastian on shuffle is like reading the chapters of a book in the wrong order.”

“Hm,” was all Sirius said, though he couldn’t help but think that that was exactly what it was like getting to know Remus Lupin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there's going to be a plot. Eventually.


End file.
